How Can I Tell if My Member of Parliament is a Tombie (A Tory Zombie Hybrid)?
A lot of people have been asking me lately about Tombies. Some people have asked me "How can I tell if my local MP is a Zombie/Tory or just a normal Tory?" Others have asked me "How do I know that my Member of Parliament isn't going to eat me in my own home if I invite him in for a cup of tea?" The truth is, I just don't know. I don't know what to tell these poor people, but what I usually d...
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The board of directors of Sony are tired of apologising to customers over Internet theft. "With a breach happening daily we know the auditors at Visa and MasterCard on a first name basis," joked technologies commentator Kentaro Moto. To avoid...
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Washington DC (AP) Following the lead of Representative Virginia Foxx (Nutjob-NC) who introduced successful legislation to ban any federal education assistance from being used to teach abortion techniques in medical schools, the social conservative a...
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FORT DETRICK, Maryland - Dr. Akerfay, of Fort Detrick, working with state of the art scientists here, has published a paper proving that scientists are not. There are no scientists left, according to the traditional definition, per Dr. Akerfay, who...
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FORT DETRICK - Maryland Biologists, according to Dr. Ollarday, have developed a new vaccine that will spread with the next flu virus that will solve the national debt problem. The protein fragments that cause the brain to try to collect owed monies...
Read full storyCameron Diaz Sez Alex Rodriguez Doesn't Understand Off-Field Fly Rule
The New York Daily News reports that Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz have broken up, allegedly because he still doesn't understand the fundamental application of the not-so-complicated Off-Field Fly Rule. This rule admonishes ball players to keep the...
Read full storyDavid Cameron to re-introduce slavery to boost UK economy
There are no doubts that the UK economy is in a precarious position, although politicians disagree on the best approach to resolve the crisis. Prime Minister David Cameron today outlined his recovery plan. Controversially, Mr Cameron's plans invol...
Read full storyLocal Man Denies Involvement In Ronan Parke BGT Twitter Vote Rigging Allegations
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was lying low tonight, fearful that he may inadvertently become involved in the Britain's Got Talent/Ronan Parke vote rigging allegations, which prompted Simon Cowell to bring in the police. Friends say that Shuttleco...
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Jack Kevorkian, the controversial M.D. who promoted assisted suicide, is dead of non-assisted and non-suicidal causes. He expired in an assisted-living center for non- suicidal seniors. He was 83. A spokesman for "Assisted-Living Is Better tha...
Read full storyCorrie's Dev To Become Curry's Gerupta
Coronation Street's Dev Alahan,played by Jimmi Harkishin,is to be written out of the popular soap for the next six months. "This is no holiday,"says Jimmi."People may think I'll be putting my feet up but I'm going to be a very busy boy." First...
Read full storyThere's A Rapper In My House
"Mom, do rappers get paid because I've been working on a rap song. Check this out… Boom chicka bam bam, looking through a rubber band. Boom chicka bam bam, looking through underwear. Boom chicka bam bam, I think it's time to eat a pear. Boom chicka bam bam, do you think I really care? …and I'm gonna make my rap name 'Yo Kid' because I'll probably say 'yo' a lot and I'm already...
Read full storyGay Abortion Debate Rages On
Gay rights activists have been campaigning outside LA Law courts for a second day running today to support pregnant homosexual Gay Wright in his bid to secure abortion rights for gays. Last year Gay Wright infamously campaigned for the right for g...
Read full storyParental Advisory Scheme Rejected By Satirical Website
Top rated satirical website theSpoof.com appears all set to reject a proposal of self regulation, using Parental Advisory tags for articles which carry content featuring controversial issues such as explicit sex, drug abuse, offensive language, saucy...
Read full storyAyrton Senna Formula 1 film causes gridlock in Central London
A film about Brazilian Formula 1 racing driver Ayrton Senna bought Central London to a standstill last night. Stars Hugh Grant,Yasmin Le Bon,Damon Hill and Bernie Ecclestone were just some of the celebrities who turned out at The Curzon Mayfair.
Read full storyNuke the cukes says Iran's Ahmadinejad
Iran - Germ(an) warfare specialists said today the Iran President may have ordered the immediate destruction of the West's filthy killer veg. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has rubbished the EU's E.Coli claims after pointing out the bacteria's abbreviated na...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Promises He Will Run For President If He Can Get His Uncontrollable Crying Under Control
FARGO, North Dakota - Glenn Beck was in town visiting the largest Plastic Fruit Museum in the entire world even larger than the one located in Shizzleville, Upper Shambutu in Africa. He was asked by a reporter for iRumors about the rumor that he i...
Read full storyRecession! What Recession?
The western world may be in the grip of a recession but not according to the results of a recent survey carried out in Shell Suit City, the benefit capital of the UK. The survey of local businesses found that sales of alcohol,tobacco and scratch c...
Read full storyX-Box Confusion Throws Satirical Website Into Turmoil
World renowned satirical website theSpoof.com was in absolute turmoil today, following the mysterious X-Box proposal. The proposal, put forward by a demented Bolivian former dictator, had some site contributors scratching their heads in utter conf...
Read full storyMore Celebrity Scandal Revelations Surface On Twitter
Hot on the heels of the super injunction scandal, and other allegations which can't be entered into here, a further raft of celebrity revelations and allegations have surfaced on the social networking micro-blog site, Twitter. One tweet, which is...
Read full storyBig Brother contestant shocks the world
R Sole, a contestant from Big Brother, the popular reality television show specifically for the UK's un-dead and brain-dead, has shocked the world of hype, fashion, farming and destruction of the English language by doing something useful as a result...
Read full storySong: "No, I'm Not Sorry"
I feel narcissistic today. That's why this song isn't about me. It's about me not apologising, because I'm so awesome. Bow down to my awesome song/poem/ambiguous rhyming prose. "No, I'm Not Sorry" I think that you are sad, I know you make me bad, But you don't tell (can't, won't) the truth, Ain't a man, but all I'd say Is damn.. I'd love to take back my words, Was an accident that ne...
Read full storyLindsay running in 2012
Notorious American actress, Lindsay Lohan, has announced she is running for the Presidency in 2012. With her court imposed ankle bracelet showing proudly on her tanned legs, the 24 year old stated that she was more widely known than Mitt Romney and N...
Read full storyQueen's horse dead in suspected Coronation Day cucumber attack
London - A rogue killer cucumber is the prime suspect behind the sudden tragic death of Murphy, an army parade horse. The beast was taking part in a Royal Gun Salute when it tripped over a 'mystery object' in London's Hyde Park. Within seconds...
Read full storyBallmer Innovates - Microsoft Stock Up 20%
Las Vegas (AP) Microsoft Stock is expected to rise a whopping 20% over this week on speculation CEO Steve Ballmer will unveil a series of innovations at E3. Heavyweight Ballmer who describes himself as an Actor / Director on his Facebook page ha...
Read full storyFIFA presidential election result a close run for Sad Bladder
The re-election of Sad Bladder as president of international football orgainsation FIFA for a 17th term was a close run for the 92 year-old former Austrian welly-throwing champion. Despite being the only candidate in the election, which was scruti...
Read full storyAndy Murray 'Fuck Off' shock
Grumpy Scottish tennis player Andy Murrray is really pissed off now. Ex 'Brat' and Grand Slam champion, John McEnroe has told reporters that Murray's swearing needs a complete overhaul: "Andy showed a lot of early promise but he needs to improv...
Read full storyWinner of the 'Sarcastic Political Ode'
The winner of the 'Sarcastic Political Ode' for May 2011, in the 'Inchcock Gazette' of 'Upper Denture, and surrounding areas' magazine, is F. Eddupofthem, with his first entry into the competition. He was to attend the magazines monthly prize-giving to collect his prize of a damaged toothbrush, but had to decline due to his attendance being required in court on a charge of 'Knowingly Voting for th...
Read full storyComedians very busy pointing out how easy it is to write "Weiner" jokes
The Nations' comedians have entered into a self-congratulatory phase this week, with the majority of talk-show hosts, radio jockeys, and stand-up comedians pointing out how easy it would be to satirize the Twitter scandal of Democratic Congressman An...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Why Scarlett Johansson Dumped Sean Penn
MALIBU BEACH - The May-December romance between Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson barely lasted half a season before the blonde star ended it. Johansson, who is 26, first gained movie fame for her film portrayal in The Horse Whisperer, which was ba...
Read full storyWeiner And His Diminutive "Little Oscar" To Tour Country In Wienermobile
Many people never knew Congressman Anthony Weiner until the picture of his wiener made headlines last week. But this afternoon he was honored for his role in promoting hotdogs by the Wisconsin Livestock and Meat Council who inducted Weiner into the...
Read full storyTwilight Stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart To Star In The Movie "A Week In Paradise - The Pippa Middleton-Ron Jeremy Story"
SOHO, England - Robert Pattinson, star of the Twilight Saga series of movies recently met with noted Italian producer/director Bandini Borrapelli. The two discussed the details of Pattinson appearing in his PG-13 rated movie based on a true story.
Read full storyObama: Today is The Tomorrow You Worried About Yesterday
Washington,D.C.-During his weekly radio address Saturday, President Obama calmly declared that "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." "All your fears about run away inflation? Gas prices through the roof? Seemingly no way out? That'...
Read full storyJohn Edwards' Mistress Rielle Hunter Tells Her Baby Daddy That The Ball Game's Over
FORT LAUDERDALE - One of the most famous photographers in recent history is back on the front pages. Rielle Hunter, who gave birth to Senator John Edwards love child, has told a reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight that she is fed up with all of the...
Read full storyShit Goes Wrong After Misreading of Numbers in Factory
WALSALL, W. MIDS - A man has made shit go wrong after misreading instructions. Ben Phillips was working in his factory when an order came in for fifteen pieces of 20m of wood. Ben misread the 20m as 20 million, not 20 metres - and ignored the f...
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