Scientists discover they aren't scientists

Funny story written by Aspartame Boy

Friday, 3 June 2011

image for Scientists discover they aren't scientists
Dr. Akerfay in a recent press conference announcing his paper

FORT DETRICK, Maryland - Dr. Akerfay, of Fort Detrick, working with state of the art scientists here, has published a paper proving that scientists are not. There are no scientists left, according to the traditional definition, per Dr. Akerfay, who still claims to be a scientist, in fact the last scientist.

The scientific method has been replaced with the peer and pay method. All you need to be a 'scientist' these days is pay for your expenses and a peer review. Akerfay says once you've done that, you're a shoe-in to to get published.

There are no scientists that are not paid in advance as to what they will 'discover'. The method now involves covering up data that does not conform to the result that is being paid for. Reviewers make sure that no 'incorrect' data is published, and the people who pay the money get what they pay for.

Dr. Akerfay's paper has been rejected by his 'peers'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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