Taco Gong Rejects Lawsuit Claiming its Seasoned Horsemeat Can't be Called 'All Beef'

Written by anthonyrosania

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

image for Taco Gong Rejects Lawsuit Claiming its Seasoned Horsemeat Can't be Called 'All Beef'
ABOVE: Taco Gong's new delivery service.

Taco Gong President Jose Jimenez on Tuesday rejected claims made in a lawsuit that the ground horse a--holes in their tacos, burritos, Mountain Dew Baja Blast soda, and other products is not "all beef".

"Esta es la carne. Toda," said Jimenez. I mean, 'this is beef. All of it.' Don't wanna run afoul of The Spoof's 'English Only' policy. We call it 'Carne de Caballo*'. Did you know cows are sacred in México? Or India. Something like that."

Jiminez also said that the lawyers who filed the lawsuit got their facts wrong and that Taco Gong plans to take action against those making the allegations.

He did not explain specifically what type of legal action Taco Gong might take, but it likely involves Tequilla and illegal entry into this country.

"At Taco Gong, we buy our beef from the same trusted brands you find in the supermarket," Jimenez read from the script of their Super Bowl ad, entitled 'From Secretariat To You'. "We start with 100 per cent USDA-inspected beef. Then we simmer it in our proprietary blend of seasonings and spices to give our seasoned beef its signature Taco Gong taste and texture."

The class action lawsuit filed Friday in federal court in California by the law firm Dewey, Cheatem and Howe claims the Taco Gong meat mixture contains binders and fillers.

A lawyer for the law firm, Wee Cheatem, said Taco Gong saves money by adding fillers because the beef is the most expensive part of their products.

"It's giving them a competitive edge. It's an economic edge over other companies that sell ground dogsh-t on a burrito," Cheatem said.

Interestingly, according to Taco Gong's website, ingredients used to season the Taco Gong meat include salt, chili pepper, onion powder, tomato powder, oats, crack cocaine, soy lectithin, sugar, soybean oil, garlic powder, yeast extract, citric acid, Good & Plentys, yeast, wine, caffeine, beeswax, diatomaceous earth and cocoa powder, all of which come from cows, apparently.

The lawsuit filed on behalf of a Taco Gong customer and stay at home wife with far too much time on her hands, does not seek monetary damages, but asks the court to order Taco Gong to be honest in its advertising.

"I like to stick my nose where it doesn't belong," said the plaintiff. "It's much more fun than, you know, cleaning, doing laundry, getting a part-time job, or exercising to burn off all the fast food I consume."

*In English, 'horsebeef'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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