Time To Get Up And Go To Work
I'm getting older these days, and life doesn't get much easier, but a man has to do what a man has to do. I'm pretty fit, and sometimes I can compete with people half my age. But I started to feel a little bit vulnerable lately. Not only physically, but mentally too. I suspect sometimes that I'm devolving into an idiot. Maybe I am - but as long as I can take a fair stab at the Times crossword a...
Read full storyJohn Travolta drops 50 pounds on the Victoria Beckham diet after giving birth to son
Scientologist John Travolta the first male-celeb to become pregnant and give birth has undergone a dramatic change in appearance. Just days after giving birth to his third child, the 1970s Vinnie Barbarino heart-throb appears to have rid himself of...
Read full storyBlue Cockerel for that 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square
Cock of the north or a cock and bull story, it's all about Cocky Cameron and it's blue! What could be more British than a cockerel? Erm, a bulldog or even an Aberdeen Angus bull would seem appropriate. But, no, some daft eedjit has decided to have...
Read full storyPope John Paul II to receive beatification
It was discovered that the Vatican plans on putting Pope John Paul II one step closer to becoming a saint through a process known as beatification even though he never discovered a cure for any human diseases or developed any major invention to help...
Read full storyCanadian government sentences Vancouver's rich, inhumane Chinese property owners protesting hospice, to Great White North 'Re-education labor camps'
Vancouver, Canada - As the world struggles with the lack of basic human-rights in China an unusual and surreal farce is unfolding in Vancouver, BC - home of the 2010 Olympics. There, dozens of rich Chinese residents of a posh UBC high rise building...
Read full storyDr. Phil sends Ted Williams to Rehab
There's no denying Ted Williams does have a fantastic voice. He's the guy who went from riches to rags and wants to get back to the riches. The video clip of Ted Williams panhandling - approaching a car - has had millions of hits on You Tube but there is definitely no fooling Dr. Phil Y'all. After all he's been doing this for over 30 years. Ted reminds me of the character 'Lurch' from th...
Read full storyGay rodents in NY jails love biting inmates penis!
The case of a coloured prisoner having his penis bitten by a rodent whilst in the NY slammer called Nassau is causing a sensation in the US. The prisoner, Peter Solomon, claims he was sleeping when a "gay" rodent jumped out of his matress and star...
Read full storyBerlusconi and Lawrence Taylor get tricked by the same Prostitute!
From the department of "How the F**K does this happen" it appears that the same prostitute who convinced Lawrence Taylor that she was 19 has now, according to Reuters, tricked Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi that she was 18. The girl was only 16 years old when Mr. Taylor dipped his wick and 17 when Minister Berlusconi stuffed her cannoli. According to WikiSquirt sources in our Rome...
Read full storyGordon Ramsay Denies Ownership of Hair in Soup
Friends of Gordon Ramsay have tonight denied that a hair found in a bowl of his speciality Scottish soup ever belonged to him. Friends say the super Chef's hair is firmly fixed to his head and does not fall out. Gordon was backed up on this...
Read full storySuBo fanatics gatecrash house warming party!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies are today boasting about their plans to gatecrash SuBo's house warming party this coming weekend. The party, at SuBo's new Blackburn home, is for family, friends, and selected celebrities only, but the...
Read full storyFirst Annual Dick Convention to be Held
Dallas - The Dicks are coming - thousands of them. Dallas will host the First Annual Dick Convention in June. "It's all about showing off our Dicks," said event spokesman Dick Heart. The convention will feature speeches from prominent Dick...
Read full storyButch Lesbian Attacks 81-year-old woman
Heavens Gate - An elderly woman named Madeline Klima, who is 81-years-old, was mugged in the subway last week by a Butch Lesbian. While attacking Klima, the Butch Lesbian screamed at her that women never gave her a reach around and she was collecting...
Read full storyPETA Threatens to Sue Lady Gaga for Wearing Meat Bathing Suit!
Filice DeLinsky, a senior member of the animal rights group, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has ran an article in the New York Times Evening Edition last night against performer Lady Gaga who was scheduled to wear a meat swimsuit...
Read full storyJohn Paul II beautification date set for April 1st
Rome - (Holy Shit!): The final coats of whitewash will ensure a permanent glossy varnish on Karol Wojtyla's undeniably hideous, sordid life. This has included the mysterious death of his predecessor Pope John Paul 1 - whose 30 day reign was report...
Read full story"Mad Bomber" Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn Laughing thier Ass off At US Uproar over Sarah Palin!
Weatherman and SDS bomb throwers Bill Ayers and hippie wife Bernadette Dohrn hosted a cocktail party in Chicago to celebrate the media toasting of Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn back after the tragic shooting in Arizona left 6 dead. Not note...
Read full storyLeading male spoof writer starts club for henpecked husbands
It's one thing to be cock of the walk on the top spoof writers table. It's another thing to always have to give in to an argy-bargy with the missus with the words - "Yes Dear". Frustrated with being low man on the totem pole in the family nest, t...
Read full storyMan Trapped by Facebook
A local man was trapped today using the social networking site Facebook. The man became trapped after an unprecedented number of posts were written on his wall, causing it to become unstable and collapse on top of him. Fire-fighters spent sever...
Read full storyBBC to go Off-Air for at Least Two Months due to Magnetic Shift
The government have announced they have been informed by the BBC that they will have to go off-air for an anticipated period of at least two months beginning from early March this year following confirmation from NASA that the earth's magnetic poles...
Read full storyParis Hilton Resents That The Media Has Labeled Sarah Palin As Being "The Paris Hilton of Politics"
BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton was sitting in The Haven of Hair Salon getting her split ends cut, her black roots dyed blonde, her nose hairs trimmed, and her ear lobes botoxed. Her hair stylist FuFi Fondue told her that he had just read in Left Coa...
Read full storyYork's Ripper - never to be released 'A throw back to the 70's'
A team of law lords decided today mass murderer Peter Sutcliffe will never be released from prison unless he cuts his hair. They said that to release him today would be an unfathomable crime against modern day society. One Law Lord the right hono...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Hospitalized After Allergic Reaction To AZT
Legendary crooner and confirmed bachelor Justin Bieber[/color] scared the sh-t out of the cast of 'CSI' Wednesday, when he had trouble breathing and fainted after an allergic reaction to the anti-retroviral drug AZT. "We have to see Marg Helgenber...
Read full storyAstrologists, Tattoo Parlors Cash In On Horoscope Shake-up.
Astrologists and tattoo artists are cashing in on the first innovation to their bullsh-t pseudo-science in 3,000 years, following the recent news that the traditional Zodiac schedule was changing. Astronomer Parke Kunkle, who spent the day masturb...
Read full storyZac Efron and Scarlett Johansson Caught Necking Just Below The Big "Hollywood" Sign
HOLLYWOOD - The national news program Tittle Tattle Tonight is reporting that unnamed reliable inside sources saw Zac Efron and Scarlett Johansson involved in what can best be described as an erotic passion clutch. The couple was spotted in a 2009...
Read full storyKlingon to be adopted as the first language of Jamaica
In a controversial move, Jamaica is to adopt the artificial language Klingon as its official first language. The decision comes after the only speaker of the aboriginal language of Jamaica, Henry Brown, died on Monday taking with him the language of...
Read full storyArizona Governor Jan Brewer Accompanies Bristol Palin on Walmart Shopping Trip
Phoenix, AZ - The Governor of Arizona is beside herself to have a member of Tea Party royalty living in the fair city of Phoenix. To show her appreciation, Governor Jan Brewer accompanied Bristol Palin to a local Walmart store to help her pick out dr...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Shocker: She Has A Crush On Adam Lambert
WEST HOLLYWOOD - The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that Taylor Swift, the sweet little country songstress has confided that she finds Adam Lambert extremely attractive. The popular recording artist confided in her bass guitarist that she...
Read full storyCoalition government 'endeavours' to change lots of things
Many are now saying our government are 'big on promises but short on delivery.' 'We are considering a cap on immigration, We plan to ban vehicle clamping,' and 'We don't intend to raise VAT,' have all been heard in the last 12 months but what went...
Read full storyIs "The Return of Rosalie" the Next Twilight Book?
The latest rumor among Twilight fans is about a possible new book, not the first part of "Breaking Dawn" although the two-part movie is certainly much anticipated. "They all started from the books and the movies have been great, especially Robert...
Read full storyBye Bye Election Result
New legislation, rushed through Parliament under the guidance of Boris Johnson, has resulted in the by-election at Oldham being declared void. The new legislation determines that a majority of registered voters must vote for the election to be val...
Read full storyJ K Rowling reveals her latest blockbuster
J K Rowling, the woman behind the infeasibly popular Harry Potter series, has sold her latest creation to her publishers for half a million pounds. "It's been a while since Jo wrote anything," said publisher and publicist Pugh Ballasista. "So we w...
Read full storyDid Lily Allen Secretly Get Married?
Rumours are circulating the celebrity world that Lily Allen has secretly got married this week after she was seen on a night out sporting not just an engagement ring, but also a wedding ring on her left hand ring finger. "I think it's fairly obvio...
Read full storyChickens genetically bred that are totally resistant to bird flu!
It was revealed today, that scientists have developed a way of curbing the spread of avian flu with the help of genetically modified chickens that do not spread the virus. The chickens have an extra piece of DNA inserted into their genomes which p...
Read full storyNew Dead Sea Scroll Has Scholars Excited
For years since their discovery in the decade from 1946 to 1956 the 972 texts of the Dead Sea Scrolls have preoccupied scholars daily. Controversial and guarded by Catholic orthodoxy there is none yet so far as exciting as the apocryphal text recently unearthed at Cave Eleven near the Dead Sea. It belongs to Salome Agrippa, a hitherto unknown follower of Jesus Christ and takes the form of a privat...
Read full storyPiers Morgan Arrives on Larry King Set, Makes Waves
With his debut in the Larry King "chair" set to take place in a few days, Piers Morgan has arrived on the set of the talk show to get settled into his new home. Workers on the show were reportedly startled to see Morgan's new "Larry King clone" l...
Read full storyDead Suicide Terrorist Upset That 72 Virgins Are All Refurbished
Dead Afghan suicide terrorist, Oh No Mohammed, was disappointed to find out that his seventy two virgins reward for dying for Allah were all refurbished with non-human parts. Needless to say, he is really, really pissed. "I cannot believe this!"...
Read full storyRepublicans Block Obama Proposal to Change National Anthem to Kumbaya
Kumbaya is an African-American spiritual song which translates to "Come by Here" and through the years has come to symbolize peace, harmony and compassion toward our fellow man. It is a standard song sung around campfires, in cars by families heading...
Read full storyJesus Appears at St Patrick's Cathedral in NYC during the Celebration of the Eucharist, Gets Eaten
Jesus Christ shocked the congregation at New Your City's St. Patrick's Cathedral by showing up during the celebration of the Eucharist this past Sunday. Unfortunately for Jesus Christ, the congregation shocked Jesus Christ back, by eating him. "B...
Read full storyViewers of 'Toddlers and Tiaras' Upset with Marilyn Manson Costume
A New Jersey mother, who previously dressed her 2-year old daughter in Wonder Woman and Madonna outfits complete with pointy cones, is taking more heat for the latest costume her now 3-year old daughter will be wearing in next season's Toddlers and T...
Read full storyIf You Were Born in Early December, Your Zodiac Sign is Now a Penis With Eyes
So, some a--hole has decided that, because of a change in the universe, and global warming and all, the zodiacs have changed. In fact, now there are 13 signs. This new one is called Ophiuchus, which was named for Imhotep, the guy Billy Zane played in The Mummy*. The zodiac sign for Ophiuchus is a bald snake, again patterned after Billy Zane. Scorpio is now 6 days long, and all of the othe...
Read full storyMan Uses iPhone Farting App to Secure a Bar Stool During Happy Hour
A San Jose man has found that using an iPhone app that creates various fart noises has come in handy when he finds himself in crowded bar during happy hour. John Flatulence downloaded the app a year ago when he came across it at the website TheBigSt...
Read full storyThe Spoof is THE place to be. What is wrong with this world of ours?
Oh my, there is so much pain in this world of ours that The Spoof is the place to be. Anyone who is reading this and is not yet a Spoof Writer - but is a READER - you obviously have opinions. Come join the Spoof. It is just like the REAL world. Not everyone agrees with everyone and yet you have the opportunity to 'speak your mind'. Life is not easy for any one of us and in the 'pages'...
Read full storyPleased to meet you, hope you get my name
Sir Fred Goodwin, aka, Fred the Shred, is reported to have joined a large group of Susan Boyle Fans in an advisory capacity. As the former boss of a Scottish bank, Sir Fred had an immediate connection with the Susan loving group who identify anyth...
Read full storyJackson Hewitt Changes Its Name To "Refund Anticipation Loans 'R Us"
Perennial tax-preparation runner-up Jackson Hewitt has decided to capitalize on H&R Block's inability to provide its clients with Refund Anticipation Loans (RALs) by changing its name to "RALs 'R US." "Want a Refund Anticipation Loan, we got '...
Read full storyMan Abandons Imaginary Kingdom
And now IMAGINARY NEWS: In a dramatic development, a well-known imaginary man walked out on an imaginary kingdom yesterday, abandoning his imaginary friends and enemies. For many years, the man - known as 9991bookS because he likes to keep an exte...
Read full storyMore Twilight: Midnight at the Oasis Revelations
Well after examining the trash can from the "Twilight; Midnight at the Oasis" rehearsal set WikiSquirts reports all they found was a couple hypodermic needles, a condom, half eaten and very decomposed avocado and turkey sandwich, a partially filled d...
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