Butch Lesbian Attacks 81-year-old woman

Funny story written by Kid Icarus

Friday, 14 January 2011


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Heavens Gate - An elderly woman named Madeline Klima, who is 81-years-old, was mugged in the subway last week by a Butch Lesbian. While attacking Klima, the Butch Lesbian screamed at her that women never gave her a reach around and she was collecting compensation from old ladies.

Klima was not aware that her attacker was sneaking up behind her, like a predatory feline, until she felt a hard tug and realized that her purse got snatched. She was immediately thrown to the ground and the entire attack happened in a matter of seconds. The attack was captured on surveillance cameras.

The 81-year-old Klima said she has never been involved in a lesbian relationship because she is straight and she never owed this woman a reach around. "She has four thousand dollars from my purse and all my ID and everything in my wallet," said Klima.

Klima said she has been lonely for the last fifty-six-years and has never been able to get a boyfriend that can guard over her while she rides the subway alone at night. She was traveling home from her cleaning job on Wall Street. When she tried to swipe her MetroCard at a stop, the Butch Lesbian attacked her.

Klima suffered a fractured shoulder, cuts on her face and she was groped by the attacker when she fell to the ground. "She screamed out that I was fresh prison meat as she ran from the area." Klima said.

The authorities say the attacker is a Butch Lesbian woman about 5 feet 10 inches tall and between 190 and 200 pound who was wearing a designer headdress, black jeans, black boot and a shirt with the words "Lesbian Pride" written on the back side.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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