More Twilight: Midnight at the Oasis Revelations

Funny story written by Milo Malkavic Mendoza

Friday, 14 January 2011

image for More Twilight: Midnight at the Oasis Revelations
This IS NOT Khloe Kardashian and Rosie O'Donnell

Well after examining the trash can from the "Twilight; Midnight at the Oasis" rehearsal set WikiSquirts reports all they found was a couple hypodermic needles, a condom, half eaten and very decomposed avocado and turkey sandwich, a partially filled drink cup from California Pizza Kitchen, toilet tissue, and an empty wallet apparently belonging to Leif Garrett according to the identification contained in the man clutch.

WikiSquirts was waiting to analyze the contents of the trash can in order to confirm some astonishing information the Producer for the upcoming Twilight movie, Carson Daly, had announced to us this past month. Since it appears now that the wait was unnecessary because the contents provided little to no evidence (other than a possible Leif Garrett sighting on the set - rumor had it he wanted a role as a necrophiliac in the movie) we will disclose a portion of the story line that "The Carse" told us during interviews held in December.

When WikiSquirts last left off the previous source material Bella (played by Amazonian Khloe Kardashian) was planning on getting a hair cut from Edward Scissorhands (WikiSquirts called him 'SnipSnip') and Wolverine from X Men. So as the story unfolds it seems that Bella falls hard for Papa Wolf (played by Ron Jeremy) because he is so 'fatherly'. hairy and endowed. Well Edward (the vampire not SnipSnip) gets terribly jealous and ends up killing Papa Wolf by biting off his manhood while wrestling him on top of a diving platform on "Lake Fookawildman" a very gay scene but is kind of the turning point of the picture.

Bella, devastated, by her lover losing his willy and bleeding out takes matters into her own hands and realizes that Edward (not SnipSnip) was trying to tell her something "don't go after me like a cob of corn" if you know what I mean - and I think we all do. However, it is well known that Bella suffers from TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder - a kind of lock jaw) so that may be difficult to avoid. Regardless she takes this as just another one of Edwards (played by RayJ) demands of her to be different and particular and not as messy and pick up after herself and make sure to bathe once in a while and stop smoking and maybe go dirt road occassionally; well she is fed up with him. So the movie (and the movie series) takes a completely different turn of events when Bella falls in love with a lesbian vampire (played by Rosie O'Donnell). Lets just say things get really weird from there.

WikiSquirts asked Daly if this movie is based on the novels by Stephenie Meyer either directly or loosely - and he told us "Absolutely not! Why would that idea work anymore? This was an interpretation of how the story should have been told by my mentor, collaborator and idol Eric Roberts." Eric will also appear in the movie according to Daly - WikiSquirts will divulge that part to you at in a later release.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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