Local Man's Performance as Macbeth Just as Bad as it Was in Sixth Grade
Portland, Ohio - "The Tragedy of Macbeth" was performed by local residents in the town of Portland, Ohio. The play went smoothly besides the man playing the character of Macbeth. Jeremy Lang played the role of Macbeth in his sixth grade play, and...
Read full storyScientists Worry That Humans Are Saving the Environment Faster Than They Are Destroying It
After a failed attempt to convince people that "Global Warming is a hoax", Scientist are now coming forward and asking people to do their part to destroy the environment. Dr. Lance Gorden, an environmentalist, was quoted, in Time Magazine, saying...
Read full storyInterview With A Foul Mouthed Boa Constrictor
Billy is a boa constrictor. He lives in a zoo. He doesn't do much, other than lie about on a tree branch all day making it difficult for visitors to spot him. He isn't overawed by fame, and he is a non-smoker. This is his story: Reddon: Hello Billy. Billy: All right mate. Reddon: So...what's happening? Billy: Not much. Reddon: Have you eaten today? Billy: Nah. Reddon: The z...
Read full storyPope's TV Shock
The Pope celebrated Easter with a shock TV appearance answering questions which he had thought up himself. It was a daring example of the Pope's new policy of opening up the Vatican to the rising tide of democratic forces. America has welcomed the...
Read full storyPatient Cries: "I Was Forced To Do My Own Brain Surgery!"
Parched, Nevada - With a clumsily taped up and still oozing head wound, George Hardup of Las Vegas has pointed an accusatory finger at neurologist and all around generalized head and brain surgeon, Mr. Dr. Ronnie Elmstein, M.D. Ph.D, saying Dr. E...
Read full storyA Changing Economy: Americans Now Prefer Simpler Pleasures
Washington, D.C. - As the economic crisis deepens, gas prices skyrocket and housing values continue to crash, many Americans have learned that it's not fancy amusements like going to the movies or an exciting trip to Walmart that matter. They've...
Read full storyPrince Charles Wakes Up To Horse Head Next To His Pillow
There is nothing worse than waking up with a horse head in your bed. In the movie, The Godfather, Corleone's godson, Johnny Fontane, requested help from Corleone to get a role in a new movie. Tom Hagen was sent to Hollywood to meet with Jack Woltz, to ensure that Johnny got the role. After refusing, Woltz finds the severed head of his prized race horse, Khartoum, in bed as he awakes in the...
Read full storyKate's 'secret Pottermiss Hippo thong' at Wembley FA Cup presentation
Wembley - Kate Middleton will wear the 'lucky knickers' at the FA Cup Final on 14 May, it has been revealed. A secret royal prenup clause sees the FA President's wife-to-be agreeing to present the trophy sporting the hidden Stoke City mascot. A...
Read full storyLocal Brothel Delivers Petition to Town Hall
The two owners of a Birmingham brothel were in Birmingham today, delivering a petition to the city's governing body appealing to stop a middle-class family from purchasing the house next door. Sergei & Rita Derge, who have ran the brothel clos...
Read full storyDecline in Crazy-Cat Ladies Linked to Youtube
With the rise of the popular-video-sharing site Youtube, there has been a decrease in the number of crazy-cat ladies around the globe. Dr. Gorden Clish, a professor at Harvard University, said "The decrease is due to the fact that anyone can go o...
Read full storyWill Smith and Rapper Jay-Z To Remake "Annie" As Ghetto Little Orphan Annie Version
Actor Will Smith and Rapper Jay-Z are teaming up to produce a remake of the successful stage and film version of the story of comic strip character "Little Orphan Annie." The original film, "Annie," was released in 1982 and a made for television rema...
Read full storyACORN Adopts Pink Floyd Song As New Democratic Theme
ACORN, the admitted brownshirts of the Obama administration, has adopted a song from rock group Pink Floyd as the new theme song for the Democratic Party and their underprivileged, economically challenged, handout receiving masses. Their new theme so...
Read full storyMayo Clinic Releases Report On Effects Of Viagra On Women
The Mayo Cllinic has released the results of a five year study on the effects of Viagra tablets on women. The study verified the effects to the body of women who took the drug orally, not of women whose male partners took the drug. The study was fund...
Read full storyNew Salsa "Blazing Sphincter" Guarantees It Is The Hottest On Exiting The Body
A new Mexican salsa product, named Blazing Sphincter, also has a new type of marketing scheme. Instead of claiming that it is the hottest of the hot sauces going in, it claims to be the hottest of the hot sauces coming out. Jars of the product are al...
Read full storyHeadless Horseman to Appear in Cola Commercial
From the small town of Sleepy Hollow, a new star is emerging. Coco-Cola has agreed to star the Headless Horseman in a new commercial that will also star Beyoncé. "After 200 years of no acting and working through numerous-talent agents, I believe...
Read full storyThis Is "No Country For Old Men"
Last month, I got into a discussion on line with someone trying to defend movies like "No Country For Old Men" as being a "true modern western" and having the "western spirit." Here is my response to him. Maybe I got a little bit preachy and maybe it is something that I just needed to say because of the moment, but I said it anyway. Yes, this is a humor website. We do specialize in satire here.
Read full storyTeenager Arrested For Deviant Behaviour For Not Using Facebook
David Brady of Durango, Colorado has been arrested by local authorities for deviant behaviour. The sixteen year old high school student is being held in county jail pending psychiatric evaluation and could be sentenced to time in a state mental hospi...
Read full storyActor Signed To Play Dick Cheney In New Biopic
A new film under production in Hollywood about the life of former United States Vice President Dick Cheney has signed an actor for the leading role. Under contract to star in another Warner Brothers film is screen legend Elmer Fudd. From a press room...
Read full storyCharmin to Commemorate Sears Catalogue With Special Toilet Paper
Charmin Bathroom Tissue will issue a special commemorative toilet paper next month in honor of the Sears Catalogue. The toilet paper manufacturer said that this will be their first special edition and will be a rarity for them as they normally "stick...
Read full storyJesus seen walking down 5th Avenue!
After his annual crucifixion (or non?) and two day later resurrection it seems that Jesus, after 2011 years, is sick of Jerusalem. After they chopped him down, put him in his tomb and rolled the stone in front the whole world prayed (apart from Mu...
Read full storySong: "It's Not Work If You Do It Right"
Yet again, I shall display my skills at poem writing, and how effeminate it appears to be to my father and my extremely protective mother who suffocates me with love. So yeah, I have no family problems whatsoever. This goes out to the overworked heroes of the daily grind. The others guys. The pencil-pushers in the backrooms making the front-line guys look good. To the teachers, public sector w...
Read full storyEaster bunnies lose their eggs?
Venlo, Holland, Easter Monday: Thousands of Dutch kids were left crying and screaming during the Easter period; it seems that Dutch Easter bunnies had all lost their eggs? As the world knows every child in Europe (apart from the UK and the very po...
Read full storyMan still not from monkeys exclusive!
British tabloid 'The Guardiano' is again promoting evolution by another nut, 'Tom Redford'. In an attempt to flog his latest book, the newspaper is giving him column inches to promote the propaganda of evolution, in a surprisingly frank admission of lack of evdience. The following paragraph is copied verbatim under the fair usage policy for 'educational' and critical purposes. I STRESS that thi...
Read full storyIRA Thames sub 'to nuke royal nuptials'
London - Wedding invite snubbed members of the IRA are planning a massive attack, worried police sources said today. And a tip-off reckons they will use a former Colombian coke submersible to attack Westmonster Abbey this Friday. Royal Navy pat...
Read full storyEverything to be described as "pre" this and "pre" that
In an effort to simplify things for the hard of thinking, the electronics industry, in particular establishments such as Game, Cash Generator, Nintendo, Apple and Currys, already well known for their thoroughly enticing and vomit-inducing "pre-order"...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Is Not Even In Prison Yet And She Is Already Winning Lustfully Decadent Awards
LOS ANGELES - Superior Court Judge Stephanie "The Shark" Sautner has said that she is fed up with the irresponsible arrogant antics of Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan. And as a result she has sentenced Miss Lohan to serve 120 days, or 4 months, whichever comes first, in L.A.'s infamous Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women. Lohan sat quietly in her chair and could be heard asking her attorney Shawn...
Read full storyHoneymooning royals to cruise in Prince Jefri's ocean-going yacht 'Tits'
London - Brunei's Prince Jefri Archer's wedding gift to Kate and William is a two week stretch aboard his ocean-going luxury yacht 'Tits'. The couple will honeymoon on the 500-ft stunna whose lifeboats are named Nipple 1 and Nipple 2. They will...
Read full storyThe Reasons Why The Wicked Witch of Wessex Verbally Attacked An Old Man in The Street
A member of the Royal family, known behind closed doors as the Wicked Witch of Wessex, has continued her cruel crusade by shouting at an old man in public. The old man was innocently standing outside a dress shop when she attacked him. He was sa...
Read full storySome wedding VIPs are on the sex offenders register Palace admits
London - A motley crew of perverts, pimps, assorted molesters, sheep-shaggers and not-so-closet Nazis will be sitting in the Abbey front row on Friday. And up to 100 hold hyper-super-dooper injunction gagging orders issued by Mr Justice Omerta in...
Read full storyIs the Royal Wedding on Friday a sham?
It has come to light that the Royal Wedding on Friday is a sham, a hoax, a diversion. According to palace insiders William and Kate have already tied the knot in a small ceremony in Tahiti, and look-a-likes will replace Kate, William and the Archb...
Read full storyBritain's Got No Talent
As the new series springs into life, it's all change for the hit show 'Britain's Got Talent'. The New Presenting team of David Hasselhoff and Michael McIntyre, alongside the returning Amanda Holden haven't proved quite as popular as producers hope...
Read full storyThe Real Facts Behind The Donald Trump Vs. Jerry Seinfeld Feud
NEW YORK CITY - Reports are that Donald Trump was so mad at Jerry Seinfeld that his hairdo was actually standing on end although one would really be hard pressed to know that since the hairdo from hell always looks like it is standing on end. Sein...
Read full storyGuitarist Mick Ralphs Sparks Riot In Chiswick
A leafy west London suburb was waking up this morning to the aftermath of rioting allegedly caused by a rock legend. Mick Ralphs, formerly of Mott The Hoople and Bad Company, featured as guest guitarist with Son Maxwell's Unruly Blues when they pl...
Read full storyNew Social Website, ButtBook, to be Launched, June 1st
Jerry Cheeky, the president and CEO of ButtBook has announced the launching of a new social website known as "ButtBook" that will take place on the 1st of June 2011. ButtBook will have all of the functionality of the major social networking webs...
Read full storyThe Producers of American Idol 'Adamantly Demand' That Contestants Lauren Alaina, James Durbin, and Jacob Lusk All Lose Weight
LOS ANGELES - In a move that has a lot of viewers of the top rated reality show American Idol up in arms, the shows producers have sent in-house memos to three of the remaining six contestants that they need to lose some weight. The shows producer...
Read full storyManchester United's Chicharito Laughs Off The Rumors Of His Break Up With Shakira
MANCHESTER - Chicharito was having dinner at the famed French restaurant Le Loins of Joan of Arc when he was asked about the rumors that he had dumped his girlfriend, the fabulously talented Shakira. Chicharito, started coughing. He quickly put do...
Read full storyRoyal Wedding With Alternative Ending To Be Screened In Some Muslim Countries
As the event of the decade moved a day closer, it emerged last night that TV broadcast of the Royal Wedding of Prince William and his bride-to-be Kate Middleton, is to be screened in some Islamic countries with an alternative ending. William and K...
Read full storyDesperate Housewives Cancelled in Order to Make Room for Desperate Housewives 2
(From E! News) - ABC announced today that it would be getting rid of its series "Desperate Housewives" in order to make space for its new series "Desperate Housewives 2." The decision was made by ABC and Marc Cherry. The decision was that it was...
Read full storyRicky Gervais and Russell Brand Have Reportedly Promised Queen Elizabeth That They Will Behave At The Royal Wedding
LONDON - As April 29 fast approaches the final preparations for the Royal Wedding are being tended to. The security at Westminster Abbey will be the heaviest it has ever been. The Bees Knees News Agency is reporting that Scotland Yard is even brin...
Read full storyNBC Calls 'The Paul Reiser Show' The Worst Show In Network History And Cancels It After Only Two Episodes
LOS ANGELES - Paul Reiser who starred in the hit show Mad About You from 1992 to 1999, has reportedly been treated for second degree depression at The Greater Los Angeles Silver Screen Hospital. The comedy actor's brand new sit-com named after him...
Read full storyCinco de Mayo will Continue to be Celebrated in the US
Austin - As the Texas Legislature considers banning courts from recognizing foreign religious and cultural laws, Texans worry about the future of Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo is a cherished holiday primarily celebrated in the United States. Most A...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Arrested Again - You Won't Believe What She Stole This Time!
The Venice Police department announced the arrest of Lindsay Lohan for the theft of Kim Kardashian's vagina! Apparently, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian were partying hard at Lohan's beach house in Venice. The next morning, Kim Kardashian, woke...
Read full storyFernando Torres Dedicates First Goal To Prince William And Kate Middleton Ahead Of Royal Wedding
Chelsea striker Fernando Torres is in wonderland after scoring his first goal for the club in the 3-0 victory over West Ham at the weekend, and has dedicated the goal to Prince William and his bride-to-be Kate Middleton ahead of Friday's Royal Weddin...
Read full storyDebate Rages: Just What The Heck Color WERE Elizabeth Taylor's Eyes?
Doubtsville, USA - Since the passing of Dame Elizabeth, new and disturbing questions have arisen about the color of her eyes, which filmgoers and fans have been told were a rare shade of violet. However, a few brave doubters have stepped forward...
Read full storyArchaeologists Discover Cave Paintings Are Just Early Men's Room Graffiti
Archaeologists studying cave paintings in a dig in France have translated one set that has caused a shift in scientific thought. While once thought to portray a sense of history, they now think that cave paintings are just early graffiti. Dr. Cly...
Read full storyObama: Babies Are F--king Up The Environment
President Obama has taken aim at what he calls "this nation's number one defiler of Mother Nature," and it is not the environmental cost of the 30 pounds of nickel and mercury in the Toyota Prius hybrid's batteries. It's babies.A Zero Emmissions V...
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