Written by Jalapenoman

Monday, 25 April 2011

image for Charmin to Commemorate Sears Catalogue With Special Toilet Paper
No more plain white stuff on the potty

Charmin Bathroom Tissue will issue a special commemorative toilet paper next month in honor of the Sears Catalogue. The toilet paper manufacturer said that this will be their first special edition and will be a rarity for them as they normally "stick with" just plain white.

Company marketing director Abe Sorbant said that "we have a dying older generation in this country that remembers the Sears Catalogue in the outhouse. We wanted to return their minds to those days of yesteryear one last time before they passed on. We wanted them to remember having to put on your shoes to walk outside to the bathroom, then reading pages of the catalogue before ripping them out and wiping."

According to Sorbant, images on the toilet paper squares will include things like washing machines, tractors, clothes, tools, and toys. "Everything could be found in that old Sears Catalogue, and they could be purchased at your local store or shipped to you by the Wells Fargo Wagon. We've got so many images that none repeat on any squares in any roll. In fact, we guarantee that you won't wipe with the same picture during the same bathroom session."

He also said that "we had considered using the Montgomery Wards catalogue instead, but they have gone out of business and it would have been to big a legal hassle to get the rights. Right now, with Sears owning KMart, we also felt that we had a built in seller for our product."

In a related news story, Walmart announced that they would begin manufacturing their own toilet paper, which may or may not contain advertisements for products currently in their stores. This way, when you wipe, you could also watch out for falling prices.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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