Celine Dion's Tips Helped Mariah Carey get Pregnant: Dion's Book Of Tips, Titled "Flood Me, Then Get Out", Launches Friday
Vocally gymnastic warbler Mariah Carey is as happy as a hippo now that her deadbeat husband, Nick Cannon, finally blew a load that served a purpose: She's with child, and she has Celine Dion to thank. Dion, 84, just gave birth to twin boys, which...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden found!
Our team of investigative journalists has uncovered the location of the world's most wanted fugitive, terror mastermind Osama Bin Laden. He's not hiding in a cave or village along the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan-he's on the campaign trail run...
Read full storyGinger Rodents React Angrily to Danny Alexander Comparisons
Deputy leader of the Labour Party Harriet Harman has been forced into a grovelling apology, after ginger rodents reacted angrily to suggestions that they resemble Coalition Treasury spokesman Danny Alexander. Spokesman for the Guinea pig Defence L...
Read full storyTake That Split
After announcing record breaking ticket sales for their forthcoming tour, Take That have shocked fans by deciding to break up. 'We couldn't go on anymore' said Gary Barlow at a press conference today, 'we thought it would be like the old days. You...
Read full storyScandal! 2,700 London Firefighters Moonlight As Spoof Writers!
An intensive investigation of what's hot and what's not, has revealed that over 2,700 of London's 5,900 firefighters are moonlighting as Spoofers, and collecting a housing allowance while NOT living in London! To encourage the public service emplo...
Read full storyRussell Brand Claims To Have Slept With 90 Women In One Month - Rod Stewart Replies That's Only Because Most Were Inflatable
LONDON - Newlywed Russell Brand boasted to a member of the news media that he has in the past bedded 90 women in a single month. Rock and roll icon Rod Stewart replied that Brand is talking rubbish. He then grinned and stated that the only way tha...
Read full storyTime traveller in Chaplin's film reveals time travel conspiracy
It has come to light that the time traveller spotted in the Charlie Chaplin film of 1928 is the genuine article, and on top of this, a lot of the rebuttals against this being the genuine article are from Time Travellers themselves. A rogue time trave...
Read full storyChapter 22: The One With More Gerbils.
The confusion subsided. The ship steadied under the quick thinking of the legendary Captain Morse. A quick headcount confirmed the rebel Spoofers worst fear. "Well we've still got The Oracle, but where's Lowton?" spat Charpa. "He sprang over the side when the ship tilted, and made off on JO's wave runner!" replied Skoob, "Why has JO defected? Has he been working for Lowton all along?" "I...
Read full storyX-Factor's Cher Lloyd Says Getting Booed Has Hurt Her Sexual Ego
LONDON - The 17-year-old X-Factor student Cher Lloyd, from Malvern, Worcestershire, has stated that getting booed at the Tinie Tempah concert was not only shocking, but disgusting, horrendous, and bordering on lunaticesque. She stated that it has...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Says "Two Headlights" About Jakob Dylan
Taylor Swift says that her song, "Two Headlights" is as real as all her other songs and has nothing to do with her lack of boobs but is a tribute to Jakob and Bob Dylan whom she admires. "I've loved Jakob Dylan's singing for a long time. He has th...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Has Arcain Virus!
Young singing sensation Justin Bieber may have what scientists call "Arcain Virus which could be very serious indeed. Bieber has been having fainting spells for the past year during practice for his sold-out appearances around the country as has b...
Read full storyWhat it is to Suffer!
'There are times,' cried Penny, 'when the bottom falls out of your life. We were within 2 minuted of drawing away to Arsenal, after a fantastic performance, when Arsenal go and score the only goal of the game. We deserved a draw.' 'Penny, dear, get things in perspective' advised her mother 'West Ham are just a football club. Think of all the other important things in the world. People putting b...
Read full storyCherie says Cheerio to Lauren
Tony Blair's sister in law Lauren has given the Blairs a shock. Cherie's sister has converted to Islam after having a 'holy experience' in Iran. Tony, having converted to the Catholic faith respects Lauren's views and is thinking of going to Iran...
Read full storyOprah To Prohibit The Use Of The Word 'Bitch' On Her Oprah Winfrey Network - No Word As Yet On The Words 'Ho,' 'Skank,' or 'Slut'
CHICAGO - The queen of the talk shows Oprah Winfrey has just announced that she has issued an entertainment media directive that the word "Bitch" will not be used on her network. Winfrey's Oprah Winfrey Network has mandated that any guests appeari...
Read full storyHarman's Apology to Rodents
Labour Deputy Leader, Harriet Harman, has apologised for comparing red rodents with Danny Alexander the Cabinet Cuts Man. Speaking at the Scottish Labour Party Conference Ms Harman had compared red squirrels with mutated Liberal Democrats. Harr...
Read full storyJake Gyllenhaal Confirms Taylor Swift Is The Girl Of His Dreams
BROOKLYN - After weeks of denial, Jake Gyllenhaal has finally confirmed the rumor that he does indeed consider Taylor Swift to be the 'Girl of His Dreams.' Gyllenhaal, who starred in the 2005 gay themed movie Brokeback Mountain, said that from the...
Read full storyTea Party: Eighty-Seven Percent Afflicted With ABB!
A study by a major mental health care clinic in Minnesota has just released a study relating to the mental health of Tea Party members in the US. It states that eighty-seven percent of the group are afflicted with ABB, the acronym for Anal, Banal, an...
Read full storyColeen Rooney to open plumber's merchants.
The wife of the England striker Wayne Rooney has announced that she intends to open a new plumber's merchants in the Cheetham Hill district of Manchester. The new shop is expected to provide the usual array of gold plated taps, designer radiators,...
Read full storyIngenious: Local Man Bathroom Tiles House Roof
An Oxfordshire man has been classed as an idiot and a genius, all in one week. Barry Ireland, 37, had taken advice from a surveyor who had told him his roof needed re-tiling on his house in Bampton, Oxfordshire. After contacting several contrac...
Read full storyShock: Woman Collapses After Seeing Husband In Shed
Mary Partridge, 48, of Elm Court, Wellingborough, collapsed outside her home last night, in a 'terrible state' say witnesses. The shock occurred when Mrs Partridge had gone into her back garden to locate the whereabouts of her husband, Stanley.
Read full storyX Factor "War" Claims Rubbished By Top Academic
Antagonism between X Factor contestants has turned the house they live in into a war zone, claim insiders. And the in-fighting has become so bad that neighbours in the posh London suburb of Mill Hill have complained about it. "They've become Ba...
Read full storyGovernment Grounds All Non-Essential Flights
Following the discovery of exploding ink cartridges in airports across the developed world, the British Uniformed Liability Limiters have met today at the Secret War Rooms deep underground in Corsham Computer Centre (close to the only 7* hotel with a...
Read full storyTV Show to get New Name
"Two and a Half Men," one of televisions most successful shows, pressently in the top ten, starring Charlie Sheen and some other people, a guy, his brother, some kid, who plays the guys son, a housekeeper, Sheen's Mom, played by some woman, a woman w...
Read full storySuBo fanatics launch musical toilet seat!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today launched a SuBo musical toilet seat. "Well, we're not in this for the money of course, but we thought we'd start selling something that no fanatic would ever have thought of, and most like...
Read full storyBoy trapped down well is in fact Paul Simon
Newark Fire Department received a 911 call at 6.02am this morning from a concerned member of the public after a small boy was seen to fall into a disused water well. East Ward Station responded to the emergency call and arrived at the scene at approx...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing in 'cold recanting mystic' Halloween shocker!
London - (Trick or Treat Mess): A rearrangement of the popular Beeb show name has stunned Halloween TV audiences. A 'cold recanting mystic' anagram is sparking a conspiracy theorists' turf war among Strictly Come Dancing wingnutz this weekend.
Read full storyWhy the French live so long: Food and Sex
A study of why the French now live longer than any other nation, shows that food and sex play a major role in longevity. For the past eight months researchers have questioned France's 15,000 centenarians to learn their secret. All confessed to...
Read full storyYemeni terror plot theory bombs
Langley, Va - (Shoo-in Bomber Mess): A massive great big Xmas bonus awaits the Vatican head of counter-antiterrorism CIA top brass said this weekend. Second only to '25 years of George W Bush sobriety' theories the 'Yemeni Al Qaeda' Chicago synago...
Read full storyMystery of Chaplin mobile solved
Those who were excited by the discovery of a "time traveller" talking on a mobile phone in a clip from a 1928 Charlie Chaplin movie will be massively disappointed to hear that a plausible explanation has been put forward to explain the phenomenon.
Read full storySatirical Writers to Celebrate "Wales Day" tomorrow
Satirical Writers are bracing themselves for a "Welsh Day", much to the celebration of many writers across the globe. Yes, it's Welsh Day. Prompted by the arrival of Welsh writer Masterchev, satirical writers decided to ignore St. David's Day and...
Read full storyThe Last Will and Testimony of Paul: Psychic Octopus predicts next Vajazzling
In the Last Will and Testinomy of Paul the Psychic Octopus, it is revealed that the calamari celebrity predicted a few events. In a strenuous exercise hours before his death, Paul the Psychic Octopus emitted ink blots which formed into the faces o...
Read full storyAnimals being wiped out
The Emperor Stag. Paul the Psychic Octopus. Pingu. - All notable celebrities in the animal world. All being picked off by a vigilante assassin. Mr. Makepeace of the Green Animals Society is said to be annoyed that he can't have enough publicity i...
Read full storyCeline Dion Releases Twins Into Wild
Doctors and nature preserverists have confirmed that Celine Dion's newborn twins boys, Damian and Beezelbub, have been released into a Long Island, NY nature preserve. "This breed does not thrive in captivity," said David Kessler of the Environmen...
Read full storyTSA Authorizes Full Front-of-Hand Ball Sack Massages To Every Air Traveler
For those world-weary air travelers that have had to settle for having their crotch swept by the latex-covered back of the hand by some anonymous Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agent, rejoice: Now the TSA can work over your scumsack wit...
Read full storyHalloween Horror - Michael Myers Lives On!
The residents of the small all American town of Haddonfield, Illinois won't be resting easily in their beds tonight, as the local police department revealed that masked knife weilding maniac, Michael Myers is still very much alive and kicking. Pol...
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