Why the French live so long: Food and Sex

Funny story written by French Marilyn

Saturday, 30 October 2010


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Why the French live so long: Food and Sex
No garlic and sex every day

A study of why the French now live longer than any other nation, shows that food and sex play a major role in longevity.

For the past eight months researchers have questioned France's 15,000 centenarians to learn their secret.

All confessed to having had sex every day from the age of eleven.

All also claimed that they were still having sex every day.

Said Fanny Encore, who celebrated her 112th birthday this week: "And don't think we are having sex with our fellow oldies. No, our partners are all young bloods of 80 and over."

So, what should we do to live as long as the French do?

(1) We should never eat garlic. Contrary to popular belief the French do not eat garlic. Should they smell a bit garlicky on a Metro (underground railroad system) train, then it is just our imagination.

(2) We should never smile. To smile is to stress out the nervous system which would lead to stroke and heart attack - and death. We should certainly never smile at foreigners (tourists) because the worry that they might ask us for directions in a language we are not going to understand (like English), will increase the stress factor.

(3) We should never smoke or drink. It's a myth that the French smoke a lot and blow stinking cigarette smoke right into one's face when walking past us on the street. Just as it is a myth that the French drink a lot of wine. If their faces are red, it is only because they do not tan easily. They do not drink wine at all: Why do you think they've been exporting the stuff to us for the past 200 years?

(4) We should certainly have sex every day. In fact, we should certainly have sex at least twice a day, and only on one of the occasions should it be with the spouse or live-in lover because variety is the spice of life.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more