President Obama Declares Peace

Funny story written by kslaught

Saturday, 2 October 2010

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World Peace - Yes We Can!

In a shocking development, the President of the United States threw away his prepared 'State Of The Union' speech and gave the following off-the-cuff address to the nation:

"My fellow Americans. I have decided to declare peace with the entire Muslim world. The United States will immediately commence withdrawing all troops from Muslim countries, including Afghanistan,Iraq, Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. Furthermore, I make a solemn pledge that the United States will never again use nuclear weapons against another country. We plan to unilaterally reduce our nuclear weapons by more than half, and pursue agreements within the U.N. to eliminate these weapons entirely from the face of the earth.

The U.S. will lead by example. We will dramatically reduce our spending on armaments, and stop trying to police the entire world.

We will also stop supplying armaments to other countries. I will introduce a bill to that will halt all military aid to other nations, including Israel and Egypt.

We will no longer interfere in the affairs of other sovereign nations. There will be no more secret drone attacks in countries like Pakistan and Yemen. No more covert CIA operations, no more deaths of innocent civilians. Look, we know how we felt after 9/11. Others feel the same way when their citizens are killed by the United States.

It is our hope that other countries will follow our example. Let's roll up our sleeves and get serious about world peace. Thank you."

The speculation is that President Obama was secretly smoking marijuana before the speech. "He stood there, without inhibitions, and said what he has always wanted to say," according to an anonymous source.

A collective sigh of relief began spreading throughout the Muslim world. "Can this be true? Is the War on Terror really over?" was a common sentiment. Pro-Obama demonstrations are already being planned.

Rumors abound that Osama bin Laden might respond with a similar conciliatory statement, if the President stands by his speech. Reaction in Europe was positive as well.

The retraction is coming soon, however. Denials are already coming from the White House press secretary, and from prominent members of both the House and Senate.

"The timing of this could not be worse," one Democratic congressman remarked, off the record. "My phone lines are already flooded with calls from constituents worried about losing their jobs in the defense industry."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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