Spanish coastline tipping into sea
Environmentalists are becoming increasingly concerned about reports that the Spanish Costas are sinking, possibly because of all the concrete being used in the construction industry along the southern and eastern coastlines. However, this is not happ...
Read full storyMirror, Mirror On The Wall, The Red Cult Is The Fairest Of Them All
Leaders of The Red Cult announced a new rule today which all members must follow or be banished from membership. This latest edict can be found in Volume 212, Chapter 17, page 1,704, Subsection 186, Paragraph 368a of the cult by-laws which are house...
Read full storyEnglish Transgender Cricket Squad bat for the other team in Alternative T20 World Cup
There was chaos at the Alternative T20 Cricket World Cup today as the English Transgender Cricket Squad literally started batting for the other team. The England team were due to play Australia in the opening match but the Australians refused to c...
Read full storyGrassington girl keeps quiet
Keeping 'mum' is no problem for Milly Kegworth, who has recently taken 'silent orders' in her latest fund-raising venture. She agreed to remain silent for at least ten weeks, in an attempt to beat the Wharfedale record for non-stop not saying anythin...
Read full storyQueen close to death say weary Hellfire Club grandees
Windsor - (Grim Reaper Mess): "This could be the death of her!" slimy treasonous king-maker the Duke of Norfuk moaned today as news of a massive political impasse continued to dominate UK headlines. It was supposed to be tomorrow - the 65th annive...
Read full storyCentre partings can be a health risk
People with neat centre partings in their hair are less healthy than those with less immaculate hair styles, scientists have discovered. Dr Herbert Kerls and his colleagues at the Institute of Trichology, Central Florida, collected photographs of...
Read full storyCalifornia First Lady, Maria Shriver Totally Disregards Schwarzenegger's Arizona Boycott
Sedona, AZ - California First Lady, Maria Shriver, was seen getting off a private jet in Sedona, Arizona this past week, supposedly heading to her favorite spa for some R&R time away from Arnold. At first, she denied she was Maria Shriver in an e...
Read full storyMan with world's biggest arsehole shits penguin sized turd
A man from the Netherlands was relieved today after battling for 48 hours to crap out a turd the size of an adult King Penguin. Hans Van Flloyd Hasslebank is renowned throughout Holland for having a back passage big enough to take a Eurostar trai...
Read full storyScottish man resists eviction order from English bailiffs, CamClegg Incorporated,
It is reported tonight that a Scottish resident, Mr Gordon Brown, is continuing his three year resistance to an eviction order issued by CamClegg Incorporated, a minority outfit of bailiffs. Mr Brown is alleged to have taken unlawful occupance of...
Read full storySue Barker is now the World's oldest Woman
One of Britain's finest ever female tennis players and friend of Cliff today learned of the news that she was now the World's oldest woman. Sue Barker celebrated her 114th birthday last month by taking on Andy Murray at Wimbledon's Centre Court an...
Read full storySupreme Court Agrees With Clinton: Rules "Air Starts" Not Sex
Today the Supreme Court, in a divided opinion, ruled that former President Bill Clinton was correct when he stated that, "I did not have sex with that woman." He was referring, of course, to the much publicized air start that he received from Monic...
Read full storyDanny Dyer Joins The Spoof
Danny Dyer has joined the Spoof as guest columnist, following the success of his advice column in Zoo magazine. Dyer, a film actor and talented writer, is said to be delighted with the offer made by editor Mark Lowton. The actor's advice to one re...
Read full storyRedknapp Award Investigated By Police
Harry "Dodgy Geezer" Redknapp's manager of the year award is to be investigated by the fraud squad following allegations that for the second year running the rightful recipient had missed out. Roy Hodgson, manager of Fulham, has again missed out, pro...
Read full storyTravellers Guide for "Sado-Maso" tourists wishing to spend a holiday in a German Fridge (Kuhlschrank!)
After receiving the following consignment from the National Geographic Society to report upon one of the most fabulous areas of Germany called SAUERLAND (in the local dialect, Kuhlschrank = Fridge) Jaggedone tippled off to the region only to discover it really is a fridge. Stuck between Ruhrgebiet and the Kasseler Berge Sauerland/Kuhlschrank = Fridge is also well known as the "Hollandische Alpe...
Read full storyTottenham Go Into Administration
Football's recent financial woes continue with the news that Tottenham Hotspur, one of England's largest and most successful clubs last night entered administration. Success on the pitch this season has been overshadowed by the news that the club owe...
Read full storyErnie Harwell, voice of popular "Baseball for Windows", dead at 92
NOVI, MI - The video game industry is in mourning today, following the announcement that Ernie Harwell, commentator for the legendary APBA Baseball for Windows, died in his Michigan home following a battle with cancer. Harwell was 92. "This is obv...
Read full storyAmerica's Top Music Critic Ranks American Idol!
This show is a very shallow pretense of the real music we hear today. Instead of meaningful country music (Like "Let's All Go Down To Dumas Walkers" or was it, "To Do Miss Walkers? Either way, it was deep) or pop material ("Don't Worry, Be Happy"), these people are rewarded by how they appear and how popular they are with the public. Did Little Richard put on a show for viewers and listeners? H...
Read full storyNaomi Campbell Tells Oprah Winfrey That She Blames Her Rage On Her Maple Syrup Diet
CHICAGO - One of the angriest women in America, Naomi Campbell appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and talked about why exactly it is that she seems to always be acting like a bitter bitch. Before Campbell started talking Winfrey made it very clear...
Read full storyGreece begs Germany to start WWIII and save them from financial oblivion!
Greece have begged Germany to start WWIII because they believe that if the Germans were to start the war and invade them they would be much better off under German occupation (sicher). The Greek Prime Minister has sent a secret envoy to Berlin wi...
Read full storyO' Halloran: The Stamp of Death: Part 6
- WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS WANKING AND SEXUAL REFERENCES TO SEX AND SHIT. IN FACT, THIS PARTICULAR CHAPTER HAS SOME HARDCORE SEXUAL ACTION WHICH SOME MAY FIND TWISTED, PERVERSE AND WEIRD- Part 1|Part 2|Part 3| Part 4 | Part 5 Part 6 O' Halloran's Bedroom - Early Morning After a period of deep consideration and reflection, O' Halloran decides to take up Detective Suicide Jones...
Read full storySandra Bullock Says "Adios" To Hollywood and "Howdy" To Austin
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Sandra Bullock was out in her front yard in a Houston Astros baseball jersey and Texas Rangers baseball shorts putting up a "For Sale" sign on the front lawn of her Hollywood Hills mansion Casa Vrrroom Vrrroom. The 2010 Academy A...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Facebook Message Glitch Brings Others Her Words To Liam Hemsworth
Facebook said on Thursday it had found a bug that made some instant message conversation visible to a user's entire list of friends. The site had shut down its chat service to fix the problem. However, at least one facebook fan claims to have caught the following from Miley Cyrus to Liam Hemsworth: "Dad did NOT catch us. He just looks at every guy who comes in here like that. "...Liam,...
Read full storyTiger Woods' First "GolfGate" Gal Pal Rachel Uchitel Says "Leave Me And My $10 Million Payoff Alone!"
ST. LOUIS - Tiger Woods first "GolfGate" Scorecard Cutey member Rachel Uchitel [pronounced: RICH-BITCH] was in St. Louis watching the St. Louis Cardinals play the Pittsburgh Pirates. Uchitel has adamantly refused to give any interviews regarding...
Read full storyHighest ever turnout for election
Westminster commentators were delighted with the turnout at the constituency of Much Fiddling in the Marsh, which broke the all-time record. 125% of the electorate voted with the Conservative candidate, Ben Fiddling, who won with a majority of 7,5...
Read full storyBritish political leaders are caught with their balls "HUNG"!
The British public have voted and the results are quite amazing: Nick Clegg has had his balls "HUNG drawn and quartered". David Cameron has had his balls "HUNG higher than Gordon's and stretched to the limit" Gordon Brown has had his "HUNG...
Read full storyGurkha Named In England World Cup Squad
Fabio Capello has already named the first member of his world cup squad. He has chosen former Gurkha soldier Hi Kill Foh Mun Lee, who has recently been working in the security business. FA spokesperson Kelly Brook said "Mr Capello was really impre...
Read full storyBrewers-Diamondbacks Game Suspended
Phoenix, AZ - Tonight's baseball game between the Milwaukee Brewers and the Arizona Diamondbacks game has been suspended indefinitely, as the following Brewers were arrested outside Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport this morning: Yovani Gallardo, Claudio Va...
Read full storyLady Gaga To Record A Song With Susan Boyle (Lady LaLa)
AKRON, Ohio - Lady Gaga performed to a sold out audience in Akron's Ohio Blue-Tip Kitchen Matches Arena and gave the enthralled audience six encores. Afterwards La Gaga was asked backstage, which of all the singers would she like to record a duet...
Read full storyLiverpool Sign World's Oldest Player
Following their signing of a dead Croatian footballer, Liverpool have now completed the signing of the oldest footballer in the world. Frank Dellin, 74, has signed for the Reds from non-league Woodbury FC. The transfer fee is thought to be £30, a new...
Read full storyLabour In Surprise Coalition Pact With Conservatives
The Labour Party has agreed to form a surprise coalition government with the Conservative Party following intensive negotiations. The big two plan to crush the Liberal Democrats once and for all. Gordon Brown explained his decision. "Really there...
Read full storySuBo fanatics want her as PM!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies were today planning on trying to get her made the Prime Minister. "I've heard nobody won the contest to be Prime Minister," said a fanatic. "As I understand it, anyone can be elected now so we think...
Read full storyPattinson, Kristen, Lautner May Appear In Vampire Movie After Last Twilight
Rumor now is that the director of the final Twilight movie, "Breaking Dawn" has offered all three a role in a new set of three vampire movies based on another writer's books. At this point the book's names have not been listed but there are some g...
Read full storyClegg to Seek Solace in SuBo
Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has sought solace in Britain's Got Talent singing sensation Susan Boyle following his disappointing defeat in the General election. Clegg, much like SuBo before him, experienced a massive surge of public support and media...
Read full storyNeanderthals Are Alive in Vaucluse, France
Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Vaucluse is the home to Mont Ventoux, the grueling mountain climb for the Tour de France, the largest truffle market in the world in Richerenches, and the last surviving Neanderthals. Yes, that is corre...
Read full storyNeanderthal Discovered Encased in Amber
Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Two weeks ago an almost tragic bicycle accident turned into the archeological discovery of the century. Noted Archeologist, and amateur bicyclist, Rene Jordane, 49, of Nice, distracted by his angry wife...
Read full storyJacqui Smith's Husband Faces Financial Ruin For Porn Films
The major casulty of the General Election has been Richard Timney, otherwise known as Mr Jacqui Smith. Following his wife losing her seat, Mr Timney has been hit with an enormous bill for renting porn films. Previously the tax payer had picked up the...
Read full storySo what is a Hung Parliament
Britain awoke to the news that the election had resulted in a hung parliament. Though much of the news over the past few weeks had mentioned the phrase, the vast majority of voters still have no idea what it means. In an attempt to explain, political...
Read full storyNeanderthals DNA Lives On In Milton Keynes
Scientists have revealed that traces of Neanderthal DNA has been discovered in several people living in Milton Keynes. The DNA suggests that Neanderthals mated with Homo Sapiens, possibly in Newport Pagnel one Friday night. The result of these enc...
Read full storyNew Tory MP Conor Burns Admits "I Like Seeing Men Play With Balls"
Conor Burns, the new Conservative MP for Bournemouth West, has admitted that he likes nothing better than to watch men play with their balls. The news is certain to shock people in Bournemouth and Poole. Burns said "Yes, it's true. I love to see a...
Read full storyLiverpool Offer To Form Coalition Premiership Winning Team With Manchester United
Rafa Benitez is said to be in discussion with Sir Alex Ferguson about forming a coalition Premiership team in a bid to squeeze out Chelsea. The two red teams plan to share their points and the title. Rumours are that the Liverpool manager will be...
Read full storyCharles Barkley's Mom Says Her Son Is Not Having A Tryst With Naomi Campbell
DETROIT - TNT basketball sports analyst and overall commentator Charles "The Round Mound of Sound" Barkley was in Motown visiting a cousin he had not seen since his college days. Barkley's mom, who was with him, was asked by the Detroit media if t...
Read full storyBP Armada of Paddle Boats Heads to Gulf From England
BP announced today that it is launching a green attack on the huge Gulf of Mexico Oil spill. Today ten thousand paddle boats will leave an undisclosed harbor, each being paddled by a Green Piece representative. Estimates put the arrival of the fl...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Denies That She Is Dating Justin Bieber
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kim Kardashian has stated that she wants it known that she is not currently, nor has she ever dated Justin Bieber. Kardashian said that the rumor started when the two were at The White House Correspondent's Dinner, and someone sa...
Read full storyOne of Mexico's Biggest Sports Jersey Makers States Their Biggest Seller Is The Phoenix Suns "Los Suns" Jerseys
CUERNAVACA, Mexico - Pablo Paco Pedro Papasfritas, spokesperson for Noki Jerseys, a Mexican subsidiary of Nike Stuff, has said that since Arizona passed their 'dumb ass' immigration quota mandate, sales of the NBA Phoenix Suns' "Los Suns" jerseys hav...
Read full storyBoard Give Brown Vote of Confidence
Gordon Brown, manager of East Kirkaldy FC, has been given a public vote of confidence by the club's Board of Directors. This follows the recent home fefeat which leaves qualification for the Champions League a mathematical impossibility. Chairman...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Latest Castoff Aaron Kelly Revealed To Only Be 11-Years-Old
HOLLYWOOD - The three Simon's of American Idol, producers Simon Shindlebocker, Simon Witleywine, and judge Simon Cowell have informed the entertainment media of an astounding revelation. It seems that the latest AI hopeful to be sent home, Aaron K...
Read full storyThe House's Environmental Bill: HR 5019 Causes Mass Confusion in DC
A bill being debated by the House is causing confusion and embarrassment for some high priced gigolos in America. The bill, H.R. 5019, is a green proposal designed to give taxpayers a rebate check for weather-proofing their homes and installing envir...
Read full storyObama Goes 'Ape Shit', Commissions Deeper, Darker, Safer Bunker under Camp David as Pressures Mount!
President Barry Hussein Obama, a foreigner who never really understood the history and character of America, has further isolated himself from the American Public by commissioning a deeper bunker under Camp David where he expects to ride out the com...
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