The major casulty of the General Election has been Richard Timney, otherwise known as Mr Jacqui Smith. Following his wife losing her seat, Mr Timney has been hit with an enormous bill for renting porn films. Previously the tax payer had picked up the tab as having a partner cracking one off on the sofa is apparently parliamentary business.
Now, however, Timney will have to pay for his overactive gland. He will also have to pay for his own Kleenex in future. "I'm ruined. It's all over for me. I'm going to have to wear a long rain coat and hang around in parks in order to amuse myself in future. People just don't understand how cruel politics can be. One minute you are on top of the world and it's 'Big Jugs 11'. Next you are out on your arse without even a copy of 'Monster Cocks 12' as company."
Porn film makers are said to be concerned at losing such a good customer. The industry will face major cut backs as a result. "We are going to have to tighten our belts" said Colin Birtles, star of 'Crack Raiders 3'. "Times are hard. I'm sure we can pull it off."
