Leaders of The Red Cult announced a new rule today which all members must follow or be banished from membership. This latest edict can be found in Volume 212, Chapter 17, page 1,704, Subsection 186, Paragraph 368a of the cult by-laws which are housed at the Museum For All Things Susan (M.F.A.T.S.) It reads as follows:
"To Our Dearest Members:
As of today no member of The Red Cult is allowed to take information found on our Susan Boyle fan forum and post it on another fan site. Screen captures are also forbidden. Every item on our forum, whether it is a news item, picture, interview, or commentary, must remain Top Secret.
Please remember that our ultimate goal is to become the official number one Susan Boyle fansite with the sole direct access to Susan and that we will stop at absolutely nothing in our relentless pursuit of this goal.
Thank you for your understanding in this matter."
Lesser, or Dull-Red (as opposed to Bright-Red) members could only shake their heads in disbelief at this latest display of egotistical arrogance. "I can't believe they think they can control RSS News Feeds, intimidate TheSpoof into silencing Team Purple, and take down all the other Susan Boyle fan forums," said Dull-Red Member One. "Their lack of success must be really frustrating."
"You know," concluded Dull-Red Member Two, "I have grown tired of this candy-coated world, being unable to express an intelligent opinion without fear of being banned, and the endless requests for Yet Another Donation. I'm out of here!"
(Ed: Several hundred other Dull-Red members were said to have accompanied her.)
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, is The Red Cult the fairest of them all?" asked the current cult leader who had over-indulged in his favourite cocktail, a Kahlua Mudslide.
The mirror shattered into a thousand pieces.
