Grassington girl keeps quiet

Funny story written by Joe Leff

Friday, 7 May 2010

Keeping 'mum' is no problem for Milly Kegworth, who has recently taken 'silent orders' in her latest fund-raising venture. She agreed to remain silent for at least ten weeks, in an attempt to beat the Wharfedale record for non-stop not saying anything. The previous record was achieved by Muriel Higginbottom of Skipton, but this was for not saying anything worthwhile for six years.

Twelve-year-old Milly, who lives in Wood Lane, found the challenge of 'not speaking' difficult at first, and she nearly choked twice and almost bit off her tongue. But she persisted and can now communicate in sign language, and can influence people simply by looking at them in a certain way. She also writes a lot - but throws much of this away when she realizes it's rubbish.

Her parents are overjoyed at Milly's success at keeping silent. No longer do they have to hide away in the cellar or flee to the nearby Grass Wood. "Peace at last!" they exclaimed.

"However, Milly's mobile phone has had a few problems," they said. "The microphone section has seized up through lack of use (or unbelievable 'shock') and the text pad is worn out. But she hasn't uttered one word of complaint."

When I interviewed Milly yesterday, she refused to talk to me, but agreed to write something down. This is what she wrote: 'Fortunately, I pre-recorded hundreds of hours of me talking before I started this sponsored silence, and I shall be releasing these as CDs shortly.'

And I can see that this is something she does not want to keep quiet about.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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