CNBC Says Tar Babies Washing Up in Louisiana: Sharpton & Jackson Leave Arizona to March in New Orleans Protest!
The state of Arizona was relieved from a mild irritant today when activists Al Sharpton, Charles Wrangle (sic) and Jesse Jackson rushed to Louisiana on reports from CNBC that 'Tar Babies' were washing up on shore! On Chris Matthews' show "HairBall...
Read full storyToyoda Hit with Rash of Sudden Deceleration Complaints
WASHINGTON DC - The US Department of Transportation has received numerous complaints from Toyoda owners claiming sudden deceleration concerns. The majority of the complaints state that the car stalls without warning when its fuel gauge shows empty.
Read full storyFA Cup Stolen By Pikeys
Metropolitan Police Detectives are speaking to a number of people following the disappearance of the famous old FA Cup trophy from victorious Chelsea FC's Park Lane Hotel. Having earlier defeated Portsmouth 1-0 in the showcase Wembley Cup Final, t...
Read full storyOCD Plagues One-Star Arse Bandit
There is no longer a reason to curse the One-Star Arse Bandit for his random acts of malicious rates for he is already cursed. OSAB suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and no amount of complaining will change the fact that he is compelle...
Read full storyObama to Terrorists: Cut it Out!
President Obama went on record recently asserting that "homeland insurgents" are no longer allowed to bomb things and blow stuff up. "I was trying to be nice about all this, but I see they're the type of people with whom that won't work. You gi...
Read full storyRunning Away Latest Trend Again
Hollywood, CA - Every modern generation has had its own set of problems coping with teen runaways, and although it is still taboo in America and not at all encouraged by the adult population--wait, or is it? The latest trend on television from news shows to cable series seems to be to capture runaways in the act of running away and exploiting them for their stories. Back in the days of the orig...
Read full storyCameron's Lib-Con 5% Pay Cut Welcomed by Oliver Letwin
Oliver Letwin - the Minister of State at Cabinet Office, Policy, in David Cameron's new Con-Lib Coalition Cabinet, is quite happy to take the 5% pay cut imposed on the Cabinet by the new Prime Minister, writes Westminster Editor James Ivory Merchant.
Read full storySmithsonian Sells Naming Rights of Museums to Major Companies
Washington, D.C. - Due to the downturn in the economy, the Smithsonian Institution is knee-deep in red ink and has had to make some drastic changes to the way it does business in order to keep the multiple museums it oversees running on a daily basis...
Read full storySophie Ellis-Bextor Returns from Round-The-World Yacht Voyage
Unconventionally-beautiful Glacial Groove Queen Sophie Ellis-Bextor cruised into Hurstpierpoint, Sussex, yesterday in her snow-white, 34-foot yacht "Blue Peter Groovejet", at the end of her 210-day, 23000-mile round-the-world solo sail, writes Mariti...
Read full storyShocking Obama Plan To Reduce Unemployment by 20%
WASHINGTON, DC -- Next week the Obama administration plans to vote on a radical bill aimed at reducing the unemployment statistic which is hovering around 9.8 percent. The proposal will eliminate Friday and create a 6-day a week calendar. Each da...
Read full storyBilly Ray Cyrus Defends 16-Year-old Miley's Lap Dance
Billy Ray Cyrus defended his daughter Miley after a video emerged showing the then 16-year-old giving a 45-year-old man a free lap dance. "These kids do it all the time. You're young, you just kind of go with the flow", Billy Ray reportedly told r...
Read full storyChubby Brown's wife to help Subo decorate her new home
"Yeah, well our lass is well chuffed, as yer can imagine," said Chubby Brown during a recent interview. He was, of course, talking about the fact that his wife has been approached by Subo to help her decorate her new home in Blackburn. "Well we did 'ear tha' Mike 'Olmes and Bob the Builde' were doing the main renos. like, but our lass go' a call from Subo asking 'er to 'elp pick out the fe...
Read full storySnoop Dogg and Flavor Flav To Appear In Cheryl Cole's Next Video, "Braless In Brazil"
LONDON - Cheryl Cole was out and about shopping for, as she put it, unmentionables, when she was asked by a sales clerk when she would be making her next music video. Cheryl smiled and told the semi-good looking sales lady that it was so nice of h...
Read full storyGriffin Quits BNP!
BNP Supremo Nick Griffin is currently sitting atop the DVD sales charts after a recording of his new one man show shot up the charts to huge critical acclaim. Griffin 48, embarked on a national stand up tour after sensationally quitting his posit...
Read full storyWhere is the Oil?
NEW ORLEANS, LA - For a spill now nearly half the size of Exxon Valdez, the oil from the Deepwater Horizon disaster is pretty hard find. Satellite images show an estimated 4.6 million gallons of oil has pooled in a floating, shape-shifting blob o...
Read full storyGreek joke and other Greek things banned due to financial crisis
In an attempt to shore up the Greek economy, get things back on track, undertake blue-sky thinking and use shed-loads of other meaningless clichés invented by overpaid and underworked consultants, Greek finance minister, Ack Ropolis, has acted swiftl...
Read full storyLife in the Fast Lanes: See Doggy Doo
First in a series 1:24 a.m. Vapid dickwad saunters into store, tiny dog trotting merrily behind him, then ahead of him, then around the candy displays at the front of each checkout lane. "Sir, dogs are not allowed in the store." "What? You're kidding me." "No, sir. It's the health code." "Oh, I'll only be a minute." "Sir, it's not even on a leash." "Don't worry, he won't...
Read full storyThai Economy Is Fueled by the 'Soapie'
Chaing Mai, Thailand. The current violence in Thailand is seriously affecting the tourism business. Hardest hit are the bars, hotels, brothels, and assorted sensual services that earn millions of dollars for the local economy. Here in Chaing Mai...
Read full storyArizona Dedicates New Shrine to Adolf Hitler
Tombstone, AZ - Arizona Govenerness, Janet Napoleono, today attended a ceremony to open a new state funded shrine to Adolf Hitler, located in Tombstone, Arizona. Opponents to Arizona's new immigration laws say this is the final straw, but the Napoleo...
Read full storyPentagon panic over recent activity
The U.S military has begun an urgent high level inquiry into the events of today. No car bombs were reported from Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, India, Spain, or anywhere else in the world. In addition to these worrying developments, North Korean Presi...
Read full storyScience Admits Evolution Theory Wrong
Scientists at the WITSALTA convention in Denver, Colorado, U.S. of A., today agreed that the theory of evolution has been debunked (that doesn't mean kicked out of bed,.... although?). Delegates to the WITSALTA (What Is This All Stuff Leading To...
Read full storyArizona creating "intertainment centers" for Latino-Americans
As the next step in her agenda to crack down on illegal immigration, Arizona governor Jan Brewer announced a brave new initiative: relocating Americans of Latin American ancestry to secured residential facilities. "It's in the interest of nationa...
Read full storyKeith Richards' Autobiography All A Bit Hazy
London - Executive Editors from a major international publishing house met this morning in order to discuss reports that Keith Richards' upcoming autobiography isn't all it's cracked up to be. The Rolling Stones guitarist - a notorious 'caner' sig...
Read full storyBP Designates 'Live Fire Zone' Along Gulf Shoreline; Vows to Shoot Whiney Protesters on Sight
BP has designated the surrounding Gulf shorelines near their spewing oil disaster as a ''live firing zone'' in a warning to protesters, members of the press and local residents. Mercenaries and low management unrolled razor wire across roads lead...
Read full storyElena "Shorty" Kagan Nixes Nickname
"Sure it's an honor to be nominated for the U. S. Supreme Court," Kagan admitted yesterday to a reporter, continuing, "but I hate all the stuff that goes with it." Standing only three inches over five feet, Kagan had been nicknamed "Shorty" by...
Read full storyHull City Appoint Phil Brown Head Groundsman
Hull City shocked their fans and the rest of the footballing world earlier this afternoon, by offering former manager Phil Brown, who was placed on gardening leave towards the end of last season, the exciting position of Head Groundsman. Brown, 50...
Read full storyBilly Ray Cyrus Says Miley's Lap Dance Was Simply Just Miley Being Miley
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Billy Ray Cyrus was asked what he thought about his little 16-year-old daughter Miley giving Adam Shankman, the producer of her latest motion picture The Last Song a very erotic lap dance. Billy Ray just laughed, took a drink fro...
Read full storyDoris Miliband To Run For Labour Leadership
Doris Miliband, mother of David and Ed, has announced that she is to run for the Labour leadership. She told Mrs Grayson at number 76, and within a matter of minutes the whole town knew. Doris Miliband is concerned that Labour members should have...
Read full storyGod Photoshops Jupiter
An amateur astronomer from Australia has photos to prove that God has a computer and He's pretty good at photoshopping objects in the universe to change their appearance (God that is). Take Jupiter for example. Astronomers claim that normal pictur...
Read full storyToilet Paper Bandit Caught!
Known as "The Toilet Paper Bandit", police in Little Rock, Arkansas believe they finally have the man in custody. "The man who always covered his face with toilet paper before a robbery seems to be the guy we arrested today", stated Sheriff Bill F...
Read full storyOntario Teachers turning to Catholicism in order to 'land' a teaching job
There is no 'shortage' of qualified teachers in Ontario. Quite the opposite in fact. There are so many new teachers looking for their first teaching contract that hundreds (if not thousands) are willing to do 'anything' in order to 'get' that first...
Read full storyFatwa Against Eric Holder After Insults to Jihadist Families
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN - Conservatives may be harsh critics of Eric Holder's inability to consider "radical Islam" as a motive in violence against Western interests; however, several comments by the US Attorney General have provoked extremist Muslims to...
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