Cameron's Lib-Con 5% Pay Cut Welcomed by Oliver Letwin

Funny story written by Erskin Quint

Saturday, 15 May 2010

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Piggy Bank Manufacturers Are Set To Cash In!

Oliver Letwin - the Minister of State at Cabinet Office, Policy, in David Cameron's new Con-Lib Coalition Cabinet, is quite happy to take the 5% pay cut imposed on the Cabinet by the new Prime Minister, writes Westminster Editor James Ivory Merchant.

Sources close to a peerage have told us that Letwin was one of the first to welcome the new age of salary austerity. "Oliver is keen for the new government of change to set an example to the rest of the public sector", said one source close to the Carlton Club.

"The public sector - bloated after years of spendthrift Socialism under Blair and Brown - must be severely pared. Oliver said he wants public sector workers to follow his lead and make a sacrifice that will be painful, but ultimately rewarding. They will lose money, and they'll probably also lose their public sector non-jobs. But they'll have the satisfaction of knowing they've helped to divert the nation's wealth back into the hands of those who know how to look after it."

Oliver Letwin, another source informed us, is an interesting character. As well as being upper class, he has many interests. He is an amateur writer of fiction, though his only published work, "The Conservative Manifesto", has not sold well, and its plot was described by famous critic Gordon Brown as "a complete hole" and "fake".

Apparently, Mr Letwin is also a keen merchant banker in his spare time. Unfortunately, now that he is really busy with his Cabinet role in the new movie Dave and Nick's Excellent Adventure, he has had to give up his banking hobbies for a while, or at least look like he has given them up.

Possibly Mr Letwin's favourite banking game was the one he played with merchant bank NM Rothschild, who - according to our source - paid him £60000 a year for 8 merchant banking hours a week merchant banking for their merchant bank.

That amounts to £145 per hour. Let us hope that Mr Letwin does not miss his merchant banking hobby too much, and that he does not feel the pinch too much in the new age of austerity initiated by Mr Cameron.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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