Susan Boyle Caught in Vicinity of Bali Gigolo Raid
Bali Beach in Indonesia was the site of a recent raid in which 28 young, attractive "surfer-type" tan, hard-bodied, indescribably handsome, heterosexual men were detained on charges of offering companionship to well-heeled, rich women in exchange for...
Read full storyIlluminati Deny Responsibility For John Lennon Murder
The secret society which is apparently hell-bent on total global domination by brainwashing, and other nefarious means - the Illumninati (not to be confused with the Illuminati, the real Enlightened Ones led by The One Show's Christine Bleakley, alle...
Read full storyOn Second Thought, Arizona Governor Tweaks Immigration Law
Phoenix, AZ - In case you've been hiding out on a desert island for the past few weeks and haven't been privy to a computer, newspaper or television, last week, Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer, signed into law a bill that significantly toughened Arizona...
Read full storyObamagate: Aborted Fetus Survives Two Day
Washington, D.C. - Congressmen in the House committee on Abortion and the Right to Chose heard evidence today about a fetus that survived two days after it was aborted. The fetus, named 'Fred' for evidentiary reasons, was said to have been aborte...
Read full storyGun toting Starbucks Patrons Saving Us From Coffee Zombies
There has been much needless uproar about groups going in to coffee houses around the country carrying guns to empathize to the allegedly liberal patrons there that they have the right to carry their handy wear wherever they damn well please. Alt...
Read full storyThe Turin Shroud Sparks Row Between Morris Dancers And The Illuminati
It all seems to be going a bit bonkers in Turin, home of the Shroud, Juventus, Torino, Fiat and Silvio Berlusconi. Or was that Milan? Anyway, there's been a right bit of argy-bargy between the Illuminati - the enlightened ones who really rule t...
Read full storySpoof writer Lynton swears Turin Shroud cadaver 'has an erection'
Cyberspace - (Jesus Wept): A Spoof writers' discussion about the Pope bowing before the Turin Shroud on Sunday has descended into chaos. Theories that the shroud depicts the corpse of Jacques de Molay - last Grand Master of the Knights Templar - a...
Read full storyJohn Edwards Calls Rielle Hunter A Home Wrecker
"Oh, she knew what she was doing", John Edwards apparently told reporters Saturday while attending the Kentucky Derby. (Our idiot reporter had to get this from a pal reporter from TheSpooge as he was inside trying to call friends to loan him some mon...
Read full storyGary Glitter named as church election candidate
The Archbishops of Canterbury and York have today 'stunned' journalists by announcing that the Catholic Church is putting forward a candidate of its own for Thursday's General election. The shock came not from the announcement itself but from who...
Read full storyKnights Templar To Swing Election For BNP
Strange days at Skoob News. A chap turned up on the doorstep today dressed in full Knights Templar regalia and told us that the next PM would be Nick Griffin, because he had been told by The Illumninati, an obscure organisation consisting of retired...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Loses Baby!
The latest from the Twilight Land is that star actress Kristen Stewart has lost her baby. Kristen's dad, actor Patrick Stewart, says that his daughter is doing fine but is very distraught over her loss and will not grant any interviews at the pres...
Read full storyFormer Chiefs Of Staff Calling American Youth Too Fat Beaten Half To Death By Two Fat Teens
After a recent report from two former Chiefs of Staff, retired Generals that American youths were becoming too fat to fight, both John Shalikashvili and Hugh Shelton had the shit beat out of them by two 300-pound 18-year-olds yesterday. Although t...
Read full storyIlluminati In The Dark Over Mind Control Allegations
In an amazing development, two representatives of the highly secret organisation known as the Illuminati rolled up at the office of Skoob News requesting that we publish a disclaimer on their behalf, as they feel they are being portrayed unfairly by...
Read full storyTea Partiers Declare Constitution 'Unconstitutional'
JEFFERSONVILLE, IN - Tea Partiers today have upped their anti-big government rhetoric today by declaring the Constitution of the United States "unconstitutional." This new stance against the document that they have repeatedly used to reference when...
Read full storyMinor Injuries in Pancake House Explosion! Muslim Saw Image of Muhammad in French Toast Special
Falls Church, VA: Police, fire, and emergency medical personnel converged on a small pancake house outside Falls Church, Virginia, earlier today after an apparent bomb attack from a Muslim patron claiming to have seen the image of the Islamic prophet...
Read full storyPrince Charles' index finger gains doctorate in clinical proctology
London - (Quackery): "It's what your right hand's for," the Royal Freak Hospital's Dean of Complimentary (sic) Therapies said today as Charles collected his PhD in digital medicine. The sixty nine-year old pretender to the throne is now officially...
Read full storyJapan - Bee rustlers 'stung'
Police in Japan have carried out several 'sting' operations against the rising number of bee rustling gangs who are stealing colonies hoping to 'cash in' on huge profits. The driving force behind the rise is thought to be the spiraling cost of bee...
Read full storyCharles' homeopathetic charity bombs
London - (Nux Vomica): The Prince's Foundation for Health Quackery has folded following the arrest this week of two ex-employees accused of running a £300,000 fraud. The arrest has prompted fears the charity is bankrupt amid reports no accounts ha...
Read full storySpill Baby Spill: USA's Bitter Pill
BP - America's, "Bitter Pill," screamed the headline in the Louisiana newspaper. As the federal government and state officials pondered the tragedy of the gigantic oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, finger pointing ran rampant. Only BP, one of the worl...
Read full storyChinese Takeaways: doing Business in China
The easiest way to make people think you're smart is to talk about China. Discussing the global economy? …and then there's China. Discussing Western philosophy? …and then there's China. Do you think Alsatians taste better than Labradors? …and then there's China. The only occasion where this doesn't work is if you're already talking about China. There's some unwritten dinner party law that everyone...
Read full storyM.I.A. Ginger Genocide Vid Banned
A music video by M.I.A. which shows some ginger haired people being rounded up by cops, shot, set on fire and forced to walk across a minefield has been banned by top website You Tube for breaching regulations regarding pornographic/violent content.
Read full storyUS teenagers too 'fat to fight'
Two retired generals, John Shalikashvili and Hugh Shelton, have said that overweight American teenagers are the greatest threat to the nation's future security. "Some of our kids are so fat their only military use would be as something to roll dow...
Read full storySuBo fanatics attend wealth contest
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatics from around the world (alright, the USA) were last night converging on Las Vegas for the first annual 'SuBo Fanatic Wealthy Husband Contest'. Arriving in a flurry of red limousines, the fanatics were dressed in...
Read full storyIlluminati decided UK election result months ago as they Control the Minds of the masses
The Illuminati, control the minds of the masses through control of the media, which covers both television and newspapers. Top Illuminati, like Rupert Murdoch, can lead you to believe you live in a nice little fair democracy but at the same time t...
Read full storyBP to Change Initial Meaning to "Butthole Pain"
New Orleans - 3 hours ago - As the Big Easy bends over to take another disaster up the ass. BP, formerly British Petroleum, formerly Beyond Petroleum has obligingly changed its initials meaning to "Butthole Pain". "It just seemed like the right th...
Read full storyCelebrity snippets
Xrays revealed that the ubiquitous Tony Robinson has two parasites living in his double chins. They sit there patiently waiting for him to eat then grab some of the grub before it diappears down his rapacious gullet. Unfortunately they also crap up there, which accounts for his bad breath and that perpetual scowl. He probably caught them after spending many long hours in those damp smelly tren...
Read full storyMedical mix-up gives May day dismay
On the first of May 2010, Labor Day, a mix up occurred at the Wellington Hospital in London's West End, as a certain patient, a Jusmeet Singh had scheduled for a Vasectomy, however, the doctor's received the wrong charts and instead gave the poor man...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's attorney in gunshot suicide mystery
Encino Hills - (Propofool): The Jackson family is devastated: legal minefields of Dr Conrad Murray's manslaughter indictment and some 'excruciatingly complex' probate secrets surrounding the late singer's estate have just turned very complicated.
Read full storyLady Gaga Top of the World Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart not happy
Lady Gaga has been named as the most important show biz star in the World, which has really pissed off Robert Pattinson, and Kristen Stewart who were totally convinced that they were the most important stars in the World. Pattinson thinks that the...
Read full storyKristin Stewart wants Robert Pattinson to move in before Gordon Brown moves out
Kristin Stewart wants boyfriend Robert Pattinson, her co-star in the Twilight Movies, to move in with her in her home in Los Angeles, before Gordon Brown moves out permanently from his residence in Downing Street. Reports coming from Los Angeles,...
Read full storyMass Murderer & Worlds Biggest Liar tries to help ugly guy who always finishes last
A Mass Murderer, & also holder of the title Worlds Biggest Liar, has been brought in to help an ugly guy who bullies his staff, makes old age pensioners cry, and always finishes last in debates. Tony B Liar notorious War Criminal for those who...
Read full storyFree oil to anyone willing to collect
FREE OIL!!! FREE OIL!!! - They are shouting it from the rooftops at the oil company headquarters London. The oil company's latest press release says that as part of their "Win the hearts and minds of their long time faithful consumers", as of toda...
Read full storyElin Nordegren Says Tiger's Number is 121 Bitches and Her Number Is 500 Million Bucks
ORLANDO - Speaking from her front porch, Elin Nordegren says that she is fed up with the ever increasing numbers of her friggin bikini burger addicted husband's crotch cookies conquests. She said that she cannot believe that the BN (bitch number)...
Read full storyThe Reason Why Tiger Woods Failed To Make The Cut At The Quail Hollow Championship
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - It is only the sixth time in his golf career that Tiger Woods has failed to advance in a tournament. Three times it was because he had a bicuspid infection, twice due to the mumps, and once because he said that he had...
Read full storyTiger Woods Bed Mate Number Jumps From The Teens All The Way Up To 121 - Dammit Boy!
TUCSON, Arizona - Tiger Woods, aka "WonderWiener" was visiting the state of Arizona before a presidential mandate closes it to all American citizens except for atheists, KKKers, crackheads, and Foxers Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and "Ru...
Read full storyMindy McCready Says Boyfriend Pitcher Roger Clemens Had Some "Fast Balls"
PANAMA CITY, Florida - Mindy McCready was in town visiting a second cousin once removed when she was asked about the baseball video that she has coming out soon. McCready said that the tape is entitled Baseball Mistress - Bedroom Bitch. And it sta...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Boyfriend Finally Comes Out of The Closet
WEST HOLLYWOOD - After almost a year of hiding the suppressed truth in one of his closets, Jason Pfeiffer (pronounced: PICK-le-BOY) has come forward or rather OUTward. Pfeiffer, was working as a dermatologist trainee for Dr. Arnoldington Kleinheim...
Read full storySpoof Writer Wins 28th Thick Bastard Of The Year Award
Skoob News is pleased to announce tonight that much loathed and intolerably mediocre satirist Skoob1999 once again won the 'Thick Bastard Of The Year Award' but sources say it was a close run thing. In the event, staged at The Royal Albert Hall, S...
Read full storyElizabeth Taylor Loved Dick The Most
Screen Legend Elizabeth Taylor wept openly while being accompanied by Prince Charles at the unveiling this week of a tribute to her late husband.........Richard Burton. (Sorry, I had to run through the list.) Taylor was at a service at Buckingham...
Read full story