Falls Church, VA: Police, fire, and emergency medical personnel converged on a small pancake house outside Falls Church, Virginia, earlier today after an apparent bomb attack from a Muslim patron claiming to have seen the image of the Islamic prophet, Mohammad, fried into his french toast special breakfast order.
Officials from the responding rescue agencies confirmed several dozen minor injuries in the attack and, fortunately, no fatalities. Witnesses credit the fire retardant nature of boysenberry syrup with saving many lives.
According to witnesses, a Middle Eastern man became irate after receiving his breakfast order, shouting the restaurant, "Isulted the Prophet," by cooking his image into his French toast. He then began madly throwing double blueberry pancakes as he left the store, only to return a short time latter with a backpack, evidently containing a small, improvised explosive device, which he then detonated.
Prominent Islamic advocacy groups were quick to condemn the pancake house. "American businesses need to be more conscious of Muslim sensibilities in their menu selections," said one official. "Islam is a religion of peace, but it is a religion of peace with a real of a mean streak. We do not want to act of in defense of our faith, but by our religious laws and customers, we simply cannot tolerate these affronts. The sooner American businesses realize they must adapt to our beliefs or we'll try to kill you, the sooner we can put unfortunate incidents like this one behind us."
The Department of Homeland Security downplayed news reports calling this incident a case of domestic terrorism. "I would hardly call a dispute over pancakes a terrorist attack," laughed on DHS official. "What's next? Call in a SWAT team because they put one too many pickles on your burger? No, we would prefer to simply classify this event as one of those things that makes eating out fun. Islam is kind of like a faith based jack-in-the-box. It just sits there doing nothing and then BOOM! It explodes in your face. Kind of like that psychopath neighbor of yours with the violent hair trigger. The only difference is you can talk about your neighbor. That's what makes Islam so special."
Representatives for the pancake house called previous incidents of customers claiming to see images of the Virgin Mary in spilled toothpicks and after dinner mints, and a highly publicised account of a customer seeing the ethereal images of Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe holding hands in the melting butter on a short stack, "Coincidences."
