Spoof Writer Wins 28th Thick Bastard Of The Year Award

Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 1 May 2010

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Skoob News is pleased to announce tonight that much loathed and intolerably mediocre satirist Skoob1999 once again won the 'Thick Bastard Of The Year Award' but sources say it was a close run thing.

In the event, staged at The Royal Albert Hall, Skoob got off to a really shaky start, not impressing the judges by managing to take his seat unaided, despite a bad case of Blisterfoot and amazing his sole fan by stating his name correctly.

A Steward's Enquiry was then called for by judge, Plectrum - not a man to be plucked with - alleging that Skoob was as pissed as a newt, and ought to be disqualified because he talked gobbledegook and was in transgression of the rules.

Following a quick blood test performed by Doctor Robert Pattinson, ably assisted by his charming scowler, Kristen Stewart, it was established that Skoob's blood-alcohol level was no more than 96% and he was allowed to continue.

Fans watched in abject boredom as Skoob continually proved what a daft thick bastard he is as he answered that John F Kennedy is buried in Grant's Tomb, the London Underground is in Moscow, the Daleks are the sworn enemy of Harry Potter, and that he had no idea who was trying to stick a live eel up his arse.

Skoob scooped the award in a stupidity shoot out by saying that Robert Pattinson is best known for being a Martian debt collector who hasn't eaten in 76 years but once cuddled a dying chimpanzee before ripping its head off and playing an impromptu game of footy with it.

Skoob was then taken to The Balcony Bar at London Waterloo station and plied with alcohol by his biggest fans, Big Tone and Deaf Geoff. When we asked him about his Thick Bastard award he just shrugged and drooled a bit.

Then we're told he got lost on the Underground.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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