Tea Partiers Declare Constitution 'Unconstitutional'

Written by Nick Fudala

Saturday, 1 May 2010

image for Tea Partiers Declare Constitution 'Unconstitutional'
Tea Partiers have now declared that the United States Constitution is 'unconstitutional.'

JEFFERSONVILLE, IN - Tea Partiers today have upped their anti-big government rhetoric today by declaring the Constitution of the United States "unconstitutional." This new stance against the document that they have repeatedly used to reference when declaring other issues as unconstitutional came after rally outside a public library in this Louisville, KY suburb.

"We have always held a strong belief that the government can't tell anyone what they can not do," said Sally Jennings, one of the local Tea Party organizers, "but once we actually sat down and read a copy of the Constitution, we don't think the government has the right to tell us what we can do, either."

Shouts of "Yeah!," as well as scattered hoots and hollers, were heard in the gathering after this and many other poignant remarks made during Mrs. Jennings' speech. One of the audience members even went so far as to construct a derogatory poster board with the image of President Obama dressed as James Madison, author of the Constitution; visibly confusing many of the revelers.

"This President has repeatedly violated and been in support of this document," said Herb Jackson, the man who constructed the poster, "he even went so far as to take an oath to uphold it, though we all know he purposely misspoke during that oath so he wouldn't have to uphold it."

When asked why a public library was chosen as the meeting point for the rally, the only response ascertained was that "libraries are ground zero for radical socialist ideals," such as "books we don't read that are paid for with our tax dollars." Few in the crowd found it ironic, however, that the copy of the Constitution that was read by Tea Partiers was purchased with tax dollars and stored in the library.

"Keep the government out of my library!," replied Mark Stevens, when asked a completely unrelated question.

The gathering dispersed after about 90 minutes with only two gun-related mishaps in a crowd of around 30.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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