'Bigfoot' Dung Is From A Primate
Utah University - A leaf smeared with smelly brown goo that was recently found in an area of Yellowstone National Park infamous for Bigfoot sightings has been through a preliminary analysis. The results? The goo doo is definitely from a primate. A...
Read full storyVictoria Beckham aka Skinny Spice Stick Is Down To 80 Pounds
LONDON - Victoria Beckham walked through Heathrow Airport looking more like a pogo stick than a normal mother of three children. The 35-year-old Spice Girl band member known as Posh Spice is looking more like Skinny Spice as her weight has dropped...
Read full storyUnder Obama Plan, Nation's Sick To Be Transferred to "Health Camps"
Washington, D.C. - In a new unveiling to coincide with his "media blitz," President Barack Obama revealed an amendment to the Baucus bill that may increase bipartisan support for the bill while still offering a public-run alternative to private insur...
Read full storyIslands to be renamed after Isle of Wight slammed as "racist", and Isle of Man deemed to be "sexist"
Residents of both the Isle of Wight and the Isle of Man are today in uproar as PC watchdog BAPS (British Assosiation of Political Stupidness) won a legal battle to rename the islands. BAPS argued in court that in todays modern Britain having the w...
Read full storyBills "Bing" Bangs Google into deadly cyber warfare
Googling will soon become Jurassic as Bing Bangs Google into outer "Cyberspace" Bill Gates and his "Bing Machine" has thrown down the gauntlet to Google and their monopoly is now in massive danger. Google will not take this lying down and have...
Read full storyWham-O unveils Freudian Slip 'N Slide
Emeryville, CA-Wham-O president and CEO Mojde Esfandiari announced today that his company was releasing a new version of their popular product, to be named the Freudian Slip 'N Slide. The design team was supposedly inspired after reading a copy of Th...
Read full storyPooes vows to stand by Bell-on-me
Manchester City manager Mark Pooes is adamant stinker Craig Bell-on-me did not 'brew up' a confrontation with a Manchester United smeller during Sunday's derby. The Face Sitting Association have still to decide whether to act after Bell-on-me app...
Read full storyNational Breast Appreciation Day May Save World's Economy!
The National Breast Appreciation Day may have sparked the world economy to the point that it will lead to a world recovery from the recession says new poll. According to the poll in the Washington Post, the purchasing and installing of breast impl...
Read full storyPlaxico Burress' Next Pass Receptions Will Be In Prison
NEW YORK CITY - Plaxico Burress the New York Giants receiver who caught the winning touchdown in the 2008 Super Bowl has just been sentenced to two years in prison and so his next football receptions will be in New York state's Sing Sing Prison. T...
Read full storyPope Appoints Kanye West as Maximus Coitus Interruptus Envoy to the Vatican
Vatican City - Pope Benedict XVI has announced today that he has decided to appoint Kanye West as his special envoy to the Vatican spreading the message of the Catholic doctrine concerning the Church's position on the only acceptable method of birth...
Read full storyThe Letterman/Obama Show Falls Apart
After Letterman used every night before the election last year to lambaste John McCain or his Sarah Palin "Lipstick on a Pig" remarks, Letterman had the president on his show this week. And why not, he has been on TV for six months everywhere else...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse appointed new President of Israel
In a surprise move today it was announced that English and very Jewish singer Amy Winehouse was to become the tenth President of the state of Israel. 'It's a larf, innit!', she chortled at a news conference from her home in north London, 'me being...
Read full storyDemi Moore Abandons Pottery To Thwart Swayze Haunting
US movie actress Demi Moore has told her friends she is so afraid of being haunted by the ghost of Patrick Swayze, that she has given up her favourite hobby of making pottery. Moore and Swayze starred together in Ghost, the 1990 film about Sam and...
Read full storyIranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Speaks For Six Hours On US TV After Grabbing Microphone
During an attempted interview, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad grabbed the microphone from Ann Curry and spoke for six hours before handing it back. The first two hours he talked about the coming of the return of the twelfth Iman, (Do I hear...
Read full storyGeorgia Streets Flood, Chief says "Public Prayer Works!"
The Georgia governor stated Tuesday morning that the state prayer for rain in November of 2007 "paid off dividends, because Georgia now enjoys a water 'surplus'," despite the torrential flooding that has swept through the area over the weekend. "T...
Read full storyE! Channel Celebrates 100th Countdown Show With 100 Greatest E! Channel Countdown Shows
The E! Channel will be launching it's 100th countdown show by listing their 100 greatest countdown shows. "It's like, awesome," said Veronica Pladsmith, Director of Programming at E! "We are known for our celebrity countdown shows, and we're...
Read full storyMan-Card Pulled From Former Man
Flint, Michigan---Barry Gehman was stripped of his manliness last Saturday after attempting to hold a conversation with other men in his neighborhood cul-de-sac. "Me and the guys were just hanging out in my driveway, working on my pick-up tr...
Read full storyMormon Wives Feel Threatened by New, 8th Wife
Bryce Young, 46, of Salt Lake City, Utah, brought home his eighth wife on Sunday, much to the chagrin of his other 7 wives. "It didn't look good right from the start," said Bryce, who has acummulated 8 wives in a span of only 6 years, and hav...
Read full storyElderly Supermarket Greeter Mocked by Elderly Customers
Some things just never change. Harry Nillman, 75, had recently gained employment at his local supermarket as a Front Door Hospitality Technician. "I say 'hi' to people as they come into the store," said Nillman, whose recent loss of his wife...
Read full storyAsian Kid Fails Math Test; Geneticists Baffled!
New York, NY-- 3rd grade student, Chang Li, has been brought into Mt. Sinai Hospital after receiving a horrific test score presented by his math teacher last week. "His [Chang] test score was far below average," said his Math teacher, Heidi Levingswo...
Read full storyMissing Bankers - Letter from the other side.
The discovery of a cardboard archive box near London's Canary Wharf has revealed several clues to the missing financial workers of the area. Since 2008, several thousand somebody's became several thousand nobody's overnight and disappeared in a cloud of smoke and numbers (previously known as the banking sector). Rumours say they have been kidnapped by time bandits and are living in an alternativ...
Read full storyShah Rukh Khan Held Up Again At Airport
It's happened again. Shah Rukh Kahn has been held up at another airport, this time in Nashville, Tennessee. Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan, who plays a Muslim mistaken for a terrorist in his latest film, says he was racially profiled once aga...
Read full storySky deny more than four
Broadcasting giant Sky Sports has vehemently denied recent claims that there could be more than four teams in the English Premier League (EPL). In a statement released earlier today, station chief, Reg Predictable said: "We strongly deny the exist...
Read full storyNew Dame Vera Lynne computer game for game consoles
Today sees the launch of a new game for PlayStation, X-Box and Wii players. "Wrinkle Rock" is a new play-along game featuring the exploits of Dame Vera Lynne as she zimmer frames her way to the top of the charts with her anti-vegetarian song "Whal...
Read full storyFootball Greats Honour Sir Bobby Robson (And Other Bobbies)
Some of the biggest names in football have been gathering today to pay their final respects to former England, Newcastle United and Ipswich Town manager Sir Bobby Robson, who passed away in July after a long illness. Sir Bobby died on 31 July aged...
Read full storyPrincess Diana turns former French president mad
It was a tragic scene that enfolded on a busy Paris boulevard when a tall, slim, bald old man began to rant at the top of his voice that he was Princess Diana's lover. Bystanders summoned the police who quickly established the old man's identity. He...
Read full storyManchester asks - do you want a mayor?
Given the amazing success that Boris Johnson has had as Mayor of London, Manchester wants to get in on the act and have it's own bumbling buffoon of an elected Mayor of Manchester. The Greater Manchester public have greeted this news with somethin...
Read full storyTom DeLay Hurt On Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay hurt his foot while rehearsing for the premier of Dancing With The Stars' ninth season. The 62-year-old DeLay said that he slipped while doing the Macarena. The cue card girl Sally Puntaluna said...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Offers Ex-Boyfriend Tony Romo Lots of Money To Take Her Back
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Singer Jessica Simpson, still depressed about the dognapping of her dog by the California Chupacabra has reportedly called up ex-boyfriend Tony Romo and told him that she will give him a blank check if he takes her back. Tony sti...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars' Maksim and Karina Call Off Their Wedding Engagement
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars dancers Maksim Chmerkovskiy (pronounced Coors) and Karina Smirnoff (pronounced Vodka) have called off their wedding engagement. Fellow dancer and close friend Cheryl Burke said that she was shocked to hear the ne...
Read full storyNew Commercials Filmed for Anti-depressant Drugs: Local Stores Report Grey Clothing All Gone
In a diabolically clever scheme to sell more anti-depressants by filming depressing commercials, big Pharma has managed to buy almost all the grey clothing available in a 50 mile radius of Studio City, CA where the most successful and depressing of t...
Read full storyLast ranked baseball team will wear clown suits next year
Phoenix AZ - The coach of the snakebacks here has agreed to fit the team with clown suits for the likely event of them coming in last place. The comish has declared that last place teams in each division must wear clown suits for the entire followin...
Read full storyCNN Replaces Wolf Blitzer With a Bozo the Clown Bop Bag
New York, New York - After Wolf Blitzer's dismal showing on Thursday's edition of Celebrity Jeopardy, CNN has decided to replace him with a Bozo the Clown Bop Bag. Simon Legree, Human Resources Director for Turner Broadcasting System, has confirme...
Read full storyCitizens of Atlanta to Sue Gov. Perdue: Breaking News
Citizens of Atlanta, GA and its surrounding counties today brought a class action suit against Governor Sonny Perdue. Citing his recent prayer meeting requesting the Almighty to send rain,the citizens assert that the Governor was guilty of felony...
Read full storySerious fault in US drones.
Deep in his underwater cave, half starved of oxygen, the brilliant-minded thrice-born Bin Laden worked on his latest idea. He called it 'enord', because it was designed to reverse drones. His professional hackers working on their laptops in cav...
Read full storyHealth and Fitness - New Book - Exercises to do while taking a dump.
The new book by health guru Helen Strainhard is proving to be very popular with executives who simply are too busy to take exercise during the day. The book titled "Shitting is fitting" explains that using the toilet is often just a waste time. When...
Read full storyRosa Parks Turns in Grave as Black Kids Fight Over Back Seat
Tallahassee, FL - The dry crumble of a hollow, sunken skull gnashing its teeth could be heard this afternoon as Tyrese Jackson and Lasanthe Robinson fought bitterly over the privilege of enjoying the back seat of a South Tallahassee district school b...
Read full storyPresident Obama Steps In It When He Tries to Give New York Governor the Boot
When U.S. President Barack Obama sent an envoy to New York to advise black, blind Governor David Paterson not to run for office next year, he had no idea how New Yorkers would react. He soon found out. New Yorkers are outraged at the audacity...
Read full storyUK sells Wales to Iran - Country for bingo balls deal - America breaks ties with UK
America is to break off diplomatic relations with the UK after the British government did what appears to be a shady deal with Iran by selling them Wales. The deal which is said to be worth around a warehouse stockpiled with bingo balls, which the Ir...
Read full storyBrits Excited About New Catholic Mandate to 'pray before sex!"
Bristol/UK/ From the Personal Relationships Section/Guardian - All sorts of post and pre pubescent UK males today were alight with new hope as word spread that the Catholic Charity Truth Society were telling everyone to take 5 minutes to pray before...
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