Rosa Parks Turns in Grave as Black Kids Fight Over Back Seat

Funny story written by Bob Jones Bulletin

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

image for Rosa Parks Turns in Grave as Black Kids Fight Over Back Seat
Local children undermining several centuries of socio-political struggle.

Tallahassee, FL - The dry crumble of a hollow, sunken skull gnashing its teeth could be heard this afternoon as Tyrese Jackson and Lasanthe Robinson fought bitterly over the privilege of enjoying the back seat of a South Tallahassee district school bus. The two African-American fourth graders, through five minutes of hitting and pushing, have managed to negate the efforts of civil rights activist Rosa Parks and generations of underprivileged and oppressed minority Americans.

Parks was a major catalyst in the American civil-rights movement of the sixties when she refused to move to the back seat of a public bus to make room for White patrons. She was jailed for her offense, and continued to live a life of harrassment, all the way up to an incident several years before she died in which she was robbed. For all her pain and suffering, the two minority fuck-faces in question had the nerve, the 11-year-old juevos, to contest ownership of the back seat of the school bus as the "best" seat on the bus.

When asked what made the back seat the "best" place to sit, Tyrese responded that "[Lasanthe] couldn't look over his shoulder all the time while [Tyrese] plays his DS." Lasanthe, when reached for response, said "he is a poopface, and he got a C- on his report on seals. He is so dumb."

Rosa Parks could not be reached for comment, though her publicist issued a statement saying that "these two [naughty children] should recieve forty lashes to feel the sting of centuries of oppression." This publicist then slammed an angry hole through the podium with his bare fist and left the press conference, muttering what has only been transcribed as "...little bastards...fuck...the nerve...malt liquor."

The event in question is part of a growing epidemic throughout the country. From gratuitous use of the word "nigger" to an emerging popular culture that, despite the defense of critical authors, continues to perpetuate some of the very worst stereotypes of Black culture, today's young African Americans are the most downwardly-mobile minority in Western culture. Even more impressive is the intentionality of this aggressive collapse. Having finally become free of the shackles of White oppression, an intensely disproportionate number of them have worked hard to ensure that they will spend the rest of their lives in shackles anyway, usually in a state prison, usually on drug-related charges.

This social quicksand is hailed by many as preferable to the alternative, in which the seeming goals of many African Americans of having a mouthful of gold teeth and having armfuls of "bitches" takes precedent over reinvestment in their local economies and communities. The attainment of such goals would almost certainly lead to a financial crisis far eclipsing any recent troubles.

Such a judgment day may come to pass in more ways than one. At the very last moment, when every shred of hard-earned dignity has been reduced to tatters, we can count on the bony, dusty hand of Rosa Parks splintering through the grassy plot in which her body now rests, her reanimated zombie corpse angered past the point of any restraint, and the like mummies of Frederick Douglas, W.E.B. Du Bois, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and so many others, joining her side to ride the eternal bus of freedom on its route to killing all those punk-ass little kids. And you can bet your sweet ass that they will be riding in the front seat.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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