Pooes vows to stand by Bell-on-me

Funny story written by Clifford Rutley

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

image for Pooes vows to stand by Bell-on-me
"I smell something!"

Manchester City manager Mark Pooes is adamant stinker Craig Bell-on-me did not 'brew up' a confrontation with a Manchester United smeller during Sunday's derby.

The Face Sitting Association have still to decide whether to act after Bell-on-me appeared to have farted in the face of the smeller after he had strayed onto the pitch.

But Pooes said: "The guy made an aggressive smell. Craig just put a defensive arse cheek out to push him away.

"We've not been contacted by the FSA but if we are, that is what we will say."

TV replays show Bell-on-me advancing towards the smeller, who was being held by two stewards, before farting, but City believe the Welshman will not 'face' any charges.

"My take is that he thought the fella might skid mark in his face or something," Mark Bumen, City's assistant manager, told BBC Radio 5 live.

"He came very close and moved towards him. Craig, with an open arse, just pushed the fella away."

Pooes added: "All Craig has done is go over there and tell the guy to let off, off the pitch.

"Craig wasn't privy to how much time was left to enable us to get back into the game."

Both the FSA and the police are looking at the incident during Sunday's 4-3 defeat at Old Trafford.

Greater Manchester Police have already charged the supporter for entering the playing area "without lawful authority to face sit".

In a hotly-contested derby battle, the Poops 'came from behind' on three occasions, with Bell-on-me scoring two magnificent face seats, including an equaliser to make it 3-3 in the 90th minute.

"Brian Guff clipped someone's ear," added Pooes. "He was lauded a national hero. Maybe it'll be the same with Craig but I doubt it."

Disciplinary officials have already seen TV footage of the incident and the FSA is likely to make a decision on whether to charge Bell-on-me later this week.

Former Manchester United defecator David May believes the emotions of the situation had an influence on Bell-on-me's reaction to the fan.

May told Radio 5 live: "It was silly but I suppose to a certain extent it was understandable.

"When anyone comes on to the pitch it's worrying but maybe he shouldn't have face stinked the fan, he should have walked away and let the steward get on with it.

"Players have to be professional but I think the whole occasion got to him - he had got City back into it at 3-3 and his emotions were running high.

"But you can't go round farting at smellers. It's the wrong thing to do."

City boss Pooes also confirmed substitute Javier Garrido was struck by a pump thrown from the home section of the stadium at half-time.

It is likely that former United hero Carlos Tevez had been the target as he was standing near Garrido when the stench was thrown.

The Argentine, who moved across to Eastlands in the summer, was pooped at throughout the match by some of the home smellers.

Garrido was not hurt, but the Face Sitting Association could be called upon to pass judgement on the two incidents.

"Something came from the crowd but he is OK," Pooes added.

City stinker Emmanuel Adebayor is already facing an FSA improper conduct charge after running the length of the pitch to celebrate in front of ARSE-enal supporters after farting towards his former team.

The Manchester United fan who came on to the pitch after Michael Owen's late face seat is set to appear in court later this month.

A Greater Manchester Police spokeswoman said: "A man has been charged following an incident at the end of the match between Manchester United and Manchester City at Old Trafford.

"Jake Joseph Fart, 21, is charged with going onto a playing area without lawful authority to face sit and will appear before Trafford Magistrates' Court on September 30."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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