Obama wins Miss Galaxy
Barack Obama has controversially won the Miss Galaxy contest this year, despite being male. Many contestants have protested about him. The head judge of the contest said, "We do not apologise for Barack Obama's win. We felt that Mr Obama had the p...
Read full storyGorbals Lingo A Go Go!
After 500 years painstaking work by the Scottish Language department of the University of Paisley, the Historical Thesaurus of the Gorbals Scottish Dictionary is to be published this autumn. Professor Duncan MacMcCan who instigated the work in 1509 i...
Read full storySkull 'N' Bones testicle tattoo clue to Dallas flasher
Dallarse, Texas - (Vas Deference): "He looks sorta familiar in a ghoulish, asshole kinda way," Highlands Lake resident Mrs Fanny Redneck said today. "That tattoo on his scrotum. Is it some sort of sorority barcode?" Other residents whose backy...
Read full storyJohn To Yoko: Cut It Out!
On what would have been his 69th birthday, the apparition of John Lennon today appeared to his widow, "musician" Yoko Ono, and begged her to stop recording. "You've just got to quit it, Luv," Mr. Lennon said, in a voice oddly not eerie at all. "...
Read full storyEngland to play World Cup on the front of a fridge! Are they magnets or mad gets?
The England World Cup qualifier will be shown exclusively on internet fridges. These devices are absolute rubbish and were designed to tell skinny arsed WAGs when they were out of Chablis or coke. A spokesman for the I*nterFridge told us that only...
Read full storyObama's Fancy Footwork
In a move nearly as mind-boggling as his winning the Nobel Peace Prize, it was today announced that President Barack Obama will be replacing the foot-injured Tom DeLay on ABC's ballroom-fest, "Dancing With The Stars." "It isn't something I'm rea...
Read full storyShades of Waco at Angel Valley sweat lodge disaster
Yavapai County, Arizona - (Earth Mysteries): Police are probing reports that a dodgy Branch Davidian-style herbal hookah pipe was involved in today's sweatbox tragedy. Two people died and at least 20 were taken ill as fifty born-again eco-nudist g...
Read full storyObama wins Pieces Prize
Barrack Obama has won the Global "Pieces" award. Its awarded by the Glasgow Council every year for the world leader who makes the best sandwiches. This year Obama entered the traditional sandwich known to Glasgwegians as the "Piece and jam". T...
Read full storyHummer Brand Sold To China
DETROIT - A buyer has finally been found for the fledgling Hummer brand. Spokesperson Billiard Magneto said that after several days of back and forth deliberations, debates, and dinners, the Hummer has been unloaded. When Magneto was asked for a f...
Read full storyThe Moon Vows Retaliation for Missile Attack
The Moon alarmed the people of Earth today and threatened retaliation for the bombing of its southern pole this week. In a message beamed live to all major news stations across the globe, an obviously angry alien figure shook its fist at the camera a...
Read full storyAdolfex Fergler : A Study In Tyranny
As Germany descended into anarchy after World War One, with a Communist revolution and an Allied blockade, and the worst 'flu epidemic in modern history, the half-starving people there became desperate for a leader to bring their country back to some sort of stability. And that leader duly arrived, one Adolfex Fergler. Fergler was born in the Austrian town of Govanburg but moved to Germany, whe...
Read full storyLabour Party to disband after next election
Westminster [LONDON]: The shock news that the Labour party is going to disband for good after the next election, has been met with the following announcements. Gordon Brown shouted the news to his whips at the House of Commons, with the decree, "If...
Read full storyBarack Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize. Rush Limbaugh's Head Explodes.
(New York-NY) Patriotic or Xenophobic, depending on if you are a regular viewer of Fox news, talk show host Rush Limbaugh's head exploded during a broadcast of "The Rush Limbaugh Show". Limbaugh was in the middle of an impassioned speech on President...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Is Calling For A Recount On President Obama Winning The Nobel Peace Prize
NEW YORK CITY - Radio talk show host, political pundit, and self-proclaimed world's most smartest individual Rush Limbaugh is asking that the Nobel Peace Prize Committee take a recount on President Barack Obama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
Read full storyMax Mosley begat Samantha Cameron?
London - (Class Act): "That gorgeous little Sweetie Pie? No way. We can't just keep blaming the squalid cold war Thatcherite/Queen Mother conspiracies for this latest Tory leadership freakshow," MI5 sources commented as Samantha celebrated her husban...
Read full storyHoly Mel Gibson hates Jewish policemen. believes in Moses and loves his Booze!
Mel "holier then holy" Gibson after his hit and run affair + his ranting at a police officer is now clean! After three years of AA therapy and confessions in the local catholic church Mel has been given a new lease of life starring in Mad Max 5 wi...
Read full storyBlack NFL super stars say they'll walk if Limbaugh buys the Rams
ST LOUIS, MO -- (ABSNN) Several current members of the St. Louis Rams football organization told ABSNN that "they would all walk if Rush Limbaugh buys the Rams." All the players threatening to walk were African-American, and claimed "they could n...
Read full storyMadonna Records A Tribute Song To David Letterman
BROOKLYN - Madonna, the self-proclaimed icon of icons, was in Brooklyn to inaugurate the brand new Madonna Material Girl Day Care Center. Madonna, also known as Mr. Madonna, for her hard line approach to business matters stated that there is no on...
Read full storyHearing aids for Democratic Senators
A hearing aid company announced today that it was giving state of the art hearing aids to the Democratic delegation in the US Senate. A company spokesman stated the following: "With the uproar going on over health care reform it seems that many...
Read full storyMore Shocking Videos Released of Kids Singing Praises of Obama & Taliban in Wake of Nobel Peace Prize Award!
Kabul/Afghanistan/ Aljazeera In Your Face Again - Moments after the international announcement of the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to Barack Hussein Obama, the Taliban called an international news conference to highlight new disturbing videos of...
Read full storyDavid Letterman's Wife Sues For Divorce, $500 Million!
David Letterman's wife Regina, is suing the late night talk show host for a divorce, $500 million and custody of their son, Harry, according to a source who saw the court papers and revealed them to the Truth Tattler. Also named in the suit are e...
Read full storyMy Review Of "An Inspector Calls" (Characters)
An inspector calls by J. B. Priestley makes people think about one an other, not about social status but society as a whole. If we do not take care of one and other there will be "fire and blood and anguish" a lesson that could well be learned from the 8,000,000 people that died in World War 1 and also the 39,963,700 that died in World War 2. The play contains a lot of suspense that goes contin...
Read full storyConservative leader Lord Snooty makes a complete fool of himself
Tory Party Lord Snooty, who has failed miserably as a successor to the party of Disraeli, Churchill and Thatcher, today committed political suicide by making probably the most nauseating speech in British history. And here is what he said: 'Look,...
Read full storyGordon Brown 'Not Sinking Fast' - Labour spokesperson
A spokesperson, reacting to comments from senior Labour party sources that Gordon Brown was 'holed below the waterline' and was 'sinking fast' sought to defuse the continuing row over party disunity. "Gordon Brown," said the spokesperson, "is a ma...
Read full storyPresident Obama Receives Nobel Peace Prize, Pulitzer On The Same Day
United States President Barack Obama, after seven months in office and trying to get any of his programs going here and abroad, has received word that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize, for holding up the peace symbol during his earlier visits to Euro...
Read full storyPresident Obama Wins The Nobel Peace Prize - Puts It Up On eBay
WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama has just been notified that he has been awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. He instantly said that although he greatly appreciates the gesture he is still mainly focused on the horrible state of the nation's eco...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Breaks Contact With Her Fans!
With the final words, "FYI Liam doesn't have twitter and he wants ME to delete mine with good reason." Miley Cyrus has shut down her twitter site much to the annoyance of her millions of faithful fans and supporters. Also reporters. That's ac...
Read full storyRepublican National Committee says Nobel Peace Prize is a piece of junk
The RNC was quick to react today to the announcement that President Barack Obama had won The Nobel Peace Prize. MIchael Steele, Chairman of the RNC, in a quickly put together press release said "This means nothing! Everyone knows that the Nobel Pe...
Read full storyUS destroy 2 rockets on the moon, costs $79 million - and Obama picks up the Nobel peace-s!
The "Luuny" (as in lunar) US have gone and done it again, blown up 2 useless rockets on the moon, reasons, maybe there's ice below the lunar surface (better chance of catching werewolves actually!) at the right royal cost of $79 million dollars, so t...
Read full storyCalifornian's Idea for Perpetual Motion Snags Nobel Prize
Following on the surprise announcement that President Barack Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for desiring to "strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people," the Nobel committee has announced its winner of the 2009 Nobel...
Read full storyPresident Ihaveano Dinnajaket of Iran wins Nobel War Prize
President Ihaveano Dinnajaket of Iran today won the Nobel War Prize for providing the world "hope for a better nuclear bomb" and working towards nuclear war and richer arms manufacturers, in a surprise award that drew both squiggles on pieces of pape...
Read full storyMan, not being George W Bush, wins Nobel Peace Prize
A man was today honoured with the Nobel Prize for Peace, beating literally hundreds of applications for the award. Here, I have exclusive access to one of the members of the Awarding Committee: "A man came off the street here in Oslo a few days a...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi & Harry Reid Fight Broken Up!
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, both leaders of the Democrat Party, had to be separated by guards and fellow democrats after emerging from a meeting over whether the United States should send more troops to Afghanist...
Read full storyObama wins Nobel Peace Prize - Tells staff at war conference
STOCKHOLM [Huh?](ABSNN) -- President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize Friday announced the Nobel Committee from Stockholm (what Oslo? Norway? You're shitting me, right?). This suprised many of the over 200 nominees for the Prize due...
Read full storyObama Receives Sainthood, Knighthood and VMA
US President Barack Obama has been awarded a sainthood, a British knighthood and an MTV Video Music Award in addition to the Nobel Peace Prize he received earlier today. The series of moves have surprised political commentators, considering he is...
Read full storyRon Paul City of 25,000 lesbians 'a Chinese Whispers fantasy?'
Ron Paul City, Sweden - (Muff Bluff): The government has shrugged off a Chinese Whispers campaign that claims the northern Swedish settlement of Ron Paul City has a population of 25,000 lesbians. "Wrong, wrong, wrong!" the City's mayor Valkyrie S...
Read full storyBarack Obama Wins the Nobel Peace Prize
The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Barack Obama, President of the United States. The announcement was greeting with questioning and concern around the world as people did not understand how he helped to bring peace anywhere. After a quick inter...
Read full storyNorwegian Quislings Award Nobel Peace Prize to Barack Hussein Obama!
Oslo, Norway/ Ripley's Believe it or Not Update - In a bizarre imitation of life imitating history, and bizarre history repeating itself, US President Barack Hussein Obama has been awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize at a time when the world resembles...
Read full storyObama wins No Balls Piss Prize for work on US caliphate
Washington - (Stitch-up): Barack Obama has been awarded the Global Piss Process's ultimate gong for blowing up US embassies in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania and Nairobi, Kenya in August 1998. The prize, worth 10m Swedish kronor ($1.4m), was negotiated u...
Read full storyJon Gosselin Broke - Gave Twins Sno Balls® and Bubble Wrap® for their Birthday
TLC® reality TV dad Jon Gosselin brought bags of gifts and a big cake box from the upscale Cupcake Café® to his twin's 9th birthday party, incurring the wrath of his estranged wife, who wanted to keep the celebration simple. Or was that it? "...
Read full storyTranmere Rovers Set John Barnes Free
There was good news for former Liverpool and England striker John Barnes this evening, after he was relieved of his managerial duties at Tranmere Rovers, and, thereby, awarded his freedom. Before last weekend's game at Millwall, Tranmere had won j...
Read full storyFabio Cannavaro Doping Scandal
The footballing world received a shattering blow this lunchtime when it was revealed that Italy's 2006 World Cup- winning captain, Fabio Cannavaro, had failed a dope test. The Juventus captain, 36, who is also Italy's most-capped international pla...
Read full storyRio Wins 2016 Games in a Mudslide
Rio de Janeiro rode a wave of International Olympic Committee sentiment last Friday to host the 2016 Summer Games in South America for the first time in a mudslide over surprising finalist Madrid. The vote was decided by a beach volleyball match b...
Read full story