A man was today honoured with the Nobel Prize for Peace, beating literally hundreds of applications for the award. Here, I have exclusive access to one of the members of the Awarding Committee:
"A man came off the street here in Oslo a few days ago claiming to be President of the United States. He said he'd been in the job since mid-to-late January and could he have a Nobel Peace Prize, please.
"We asked the now-standard question of people claiming to be President of the United States which is, 'Are you now, or have you ever been George W Bush?'. We have to ask this question as we did have a similar incident a few years ago where a man said he was President of the United States and had brought peace to the Middle East by invading portions of it. We only realised that we were about to make an egregious mistake when we asked this question and since then it has become a standard interrogative to applicants for this honour.
"Today, the man in question answered in the negative, but additional checks were necessary. Firstly we had a close look at the name tag on the back of this man's shirt. The words "George W Bush" were plainly not there. We retain a photograph, for reference purposes, of George W Bush and we compared this image with the man standing in front of us.
"Although some on the committee detected a resemblance, by a majority vote it was determined that the man facing us was indeed not George W Bush. We were still however worried that at some time in the past he may have actually been George W Bush. The man had kindly provided photos from newspapers, leaflets and college yearbooks which we could compare to our photograph of George W Bush.
"From examining these in detail we deduced that the man had never been George W Bush. The awarding of the Peace Prize was a formality thereafter."
Responding to observations that this was yet another manifestation of the international bias against Republicans and a foreign policy designed to protect and enhance the lives of ordinary Americans, the committee member sighed and issued a categorical denial, saying "It just always looks that way".