Written by Rev. D. Sausage

Friday, 9 October 2009

image for Obama Receives Sainthood, Knighthood and VMA
Barack Obama

US President Barack Obama has been awarded a sainthood, a British knighthood and an MTV Video Music Award in addition to the Nobel Peace Prize he received earlier today.

The series of moves have surprised political commentators, considering he is not dead, not British and has never released a music video.

The avalanche of accolades began with the Catholic Church's decision to canonize the US President just hours after being given the Nobel Peace Prize.

"The secularists don't have exclusivity over heaping undue praise on a single man", said Vatican spokesman Terry Turnip. "We've been doing it for 2,000 years.

"And the fact that Obama is the first living person to receive a sainthood just shows that the church is moving with the times."

This announcement was quickly followed by MTV's surprise Video Music Award for Mr Obama, in a special hastily-arranged five-minute award ceremony on the channel. The President's acceptance speech, given by satellite link-up, was viewed by tens of people between Real World 234 and New Pimp My Kitchen.

"So what if Obama has never actually made a music video? MTV no longer plays music anyway!" argued MTV spokesman Chuck Deckchair. "The definition of 'music videos' and indeed 'music' has changed so much over the years. Obama's victory - that was music to my ears. And I saw it on video! So of course he deserves the award."

And then, defying the old adage "Ridiculous awards always come in threes", the Queen of England made it a fourth award for the former Chicago Senator.

She was quoted as saying: "We believe that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't we? And if he wants our job when we're finished with it, we're sure our subjects won't mind. Lar-di-dah, pass me a cup of tea."

The Ku Klux Klan's Chief Pointy-Hat, Oswald Toothpaste, has strenuously denied plans to make Obama an honorary member in an attempt to appear more mainstream.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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