London - (Class Act): "That gorgeous little Sweetie Pie? No way. We can't just keep blaming the squalid cold war Thatcherite/Queen Mother conspiracies for this latest Tory leadership freakshow," MI5 sources commented as Samantha celebrated her husband David's 43rd birthday today.
"This winsome 38 year-old's no butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-Last-Tango-in-Paris-arse madam," royal protection squad officers concurred, "unlike some Prime Monsters' wives we wouldn't care to mention.
"So what if she's nailed her colors to a splendid, noble but somnewwhat suspicious British ancestry?" A Tory Central orifice spokesman explained.
"That's what Bullingdon Club wives are all about."
"Now hang on! British voters would be mortally shellshocked to discover UK Hellfire Club fingerprints all over this carefully crafted aristocratic fiction," Public Records Office curators added.
"Sam Cam a classic by-product of the treacherous, Hitler-adoring Mitford conspiracy?? Pretty embarassing really
if you reckon the entire royal British house of cards is about to come crashing down in the next few days!"
Shadow Security (sic) minister Dame Pauline Neville Jones is clinically certifiable.
