Hartley Street nutritionist Bejam Butty today stated that Syrup Of Figs should be taken by every citizen in the world as a dietary supplement, claiming that such a practice would immunise people against almost every ailment known to medical science.
"This stuff is amazing," Bejam Butty told TheSpoof.com. "It's been scientifically proven to ward off anomolies such as crossed-eyes, colds, flu, underdeveloped testicles, acne, uneven breasts, impotence, overlarge piss-flaps, hair loss, vertigo, claustrophobia, agoraphobia, triskidekophobia, German Measles, Mumps and premature ejaculation. Oh, and ugliness too. And the beauty of it is that you only need to take a teaspoon a day, measured of course. Did I mention that my brother-in-law runs the UK's biggest syrup of figs processing plant?"
This reporter however, remains to be convinced.
I told myself, and us:
"When I was a nipper, I was forced to take syrup of figs and it didn't do anything much. Apart from give me the screaming shits."
More nutritional tidbits as we get them
