Washington,DC/ Washington Post Society Travel & Leisure Page - Citing national security as well as personal safety concerns, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has demanded that the 7 plane FA-18 squadron of the Blue Angles escort her commandeered Department of Defense plane on all continental US flights.
Pelosi, currently under fire for making unreasonable demands for top of the line planes such as the Gulf Stream V on short notice, and often canceling the flights at the last minute, continues to eat up large chunks of the budget for the Department of Defense (DOD) which is responsible for arranging transportation of US government officials.
A harried DOD booking agent, already officially reprimanded twice by the Speaker for not providing a squadron of helicopters to accommodate Pelosi's Friday morning request to "drop in" on a nearby shopping mall to take advantage of a Neiman Marcus sale on wrinkle hiding neck scarves, said the Speakers demands are getting out of control.
"She's always been imperious and over the top," the agent said, speaking off the record as he was not cleared to speak about egos, " but things got really bad after the Pope visit, and the resulting signs of Stigmata on the Madam's buttocks" he cautiously explained, as he was not cleared to speak about Pelosi's ass, either.
Pelosi, dubbed the "Flying Nun" by her critics, is now requiring that a personal G-V be on permanent standby to cope with her capricious demands, despite the fact the limited edition plane is needed elsewhere for more important duties, like delivering a $900M cash earmark from Hillary Clinton to Gaza.
Pelosi's personal travel agents, paid for by the Taxpayers, are on the phone almost all day lining up transportation for the Madam, trying to anticipate her every whim."It's like trying to book her dinner reservations in Washington every night at 5* restaurants...you never know where she wants to go till the last minute, so we have to book 15 reservations to ensure she and her entourage have a table everywhere!"
Aides are said to be working overtime trying to book the Aircraft Carrier George Bush for the Congressional break coming up this summer.
Not only does Pelosi demand the carrier pick her up in San Francisco, she has also demanded that the name be painted over during the length of the 3 week cruise which is said to include stops in Hawaii and American Somoa where she wishes to check up on her Korean interests in Star Kist Tuna.
It is said that Pelosi, ever cognizant of her liberal constituents in San Francisco, is now demanding that at least 50% of the pilots and extensive staff that is on her travel team be gay, 60% be lapsed Catholics, and that all female attendants wear burqas as a show of modesty around her.
In a quiet show of cooperation, a group of DOD administrators, left over from the Bush administration, have been working hard on their own initiative to prove they are "on board" with Madam Speaker. They recently recruited a large group of Guatemalan laborers from a San Francisco Home Depot that had been badgering customers to install products the customers bought, waiting for them as they emerged from the store, and causing congestion in the parking lot.
DOD officials arranged for 35 of the most aggressive illegal aliens to be given green cards, uniforms, and tools, and assigned them to be the maintenance crew for Pelosi's next flight.
"May she go with God," said one of the organizers of the imaginative initiative.
