Written by funwithwords

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

image for Chuck Norris: One Badass that Should NOT Become the President of Texas
Chuck Norris: Future President of Texas?

The Republic of Texas -- Not that I don't care for the Hollywood star perhaps best known for his role in the television series, "Walker, Texas Ranger". But as in any crisis, and the Country as whole is facing a deep financial crisis, the nuts come out in droves. Chuck Norris is merely one of the latest.

It takes a bit of courage to dis on the man who doesn't wear a watch simply because he decides what time it is. I'm also aware that this is the guy who does not push himself up whilst doing push-ups; he's actually pushing the world down. And who could possibly ignore the fact that Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding?...

The fact of the matter is that one doesn't require superhero strengths in order to posses a brain of average intelligence, as any ole ape can attest. Well, perhaps the ape actually doesn't know any better; but then, that pretty much makes the point I should think.

Anyway, back to the point of the article. So Chuck Norris sort of came out of the wood-work during the Presidential election process wherein he endorsed Mike Huckabee for President.

Since then, he's been on the Glenn Beck radio show, and more recently, he's written an article for WorldNetDaily, wherein the badass gives his take on where the Country is, and after selectively quoting a few of the Founders, suggests that Texans may end up rising up and seceding from the Union as Texas has a history of that.

Although Norris claims his interest in running for the Presidency of Texas was a "tongue-in-cheek" remark stated out of frustration, the man who can sneeze with his eyes open went into a brief discussion of Texas' rebellious history, and had this to say (emphasis mine):

For those losing hope, and others wanting to rekindle the patriotic fires of early America, I encourage you to join Fox News' Glenn Beck, me and millions of people across the country in the live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday afternoon (March 13 at 5 p.m. ET, 4 p.m. CT and 2 p.m. PST). Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation. You can host or attend a viewing party by going to Glenn's website. My wife Gena and I will be hosting one from our Texas ranch, in which we've invited many family members, friends and law enforcement to join us. It's our way of saying "We're united, we're tired of the corruption, and we're not going to take it anymore!"

OK, so like opinions are like assholes, everyone has them, including me. I get that. I also believe that folks have reasons to be frustrated, hence interested in influencing public policy -- I get that too. But "thousands of cell groups will be united around the Country in solidarity"? Cell groups?

Oh great, so the man who can stretch diamonds back into coal is advocating that thousands of armed, and unknown "revolutionaries" (consisting mostly of thugs, racists, radical religionists of all stripes, hate groups of all stripes, various criminal elements poised to take advantage of societal breakdown, etc., etc.) with competing motives (such is the nature of cell groups) ought to overthrow the Texas government, secede from the Union, and then have the populous elect a new President of Texas. Brilliant!

But why bother electing anyone? Just take it Chuck -- Texas is yours, earned from the barrel of your gun, not that you need a gun (and assuming that most of these "thousands of cell groups" agree with you, and won't be breaking off into warring factions struggling for dominance such as in Afghanistan, for instance).

Interestingly, Chuck is in favor of abolishing the secular society that he abhors. In fact, Mr. Norris longs for a religious based government (pressumingly based upon his version of Christianity, much like the Taliban prefer the imposition of their version of Islam), hence he quotes John Adams and Patrick Henry in his article.

Yet, ironically enough, Chuck, the man who built Rome in a day, doesn't mention the epic battles that took place between Patrick Henry and another Founder that he quotes at length in his WNT column: Thomas Jefferson.

Even Adams characterized Jefferson as a threat to Christianity. Moreover, cartoons of the period depict Jefferson as a tool of Satan no less.

However, it was the battles between Patrick Henry and Thomas Jefferson that really stand out here. Without going into the details here (read up on it, Chuck, you'll be glad you did) one of Jefferson's greatest achievements was the passage of his Bill for Establishing Religious Freedom in the State of Virginia. In fact, Jefferson considered the bill's passage of such great import that he requested the achievement to be engraved on his gravestone.

Of course, Jefferson would not have been able to pass that bill had it not been for the shrewd political maneuvering of yet another founder: James Madison, father of the United States Constitution.

Surely, we don't need to go into Madison's Memorial and Remonstrance here....

So, the point is, religious-based battles are nothing new, contrary to Chuck's take on things. In fact, it was precisely a backlash against Patrick Henry's desire to impose a tax in order to pay for "teachers of Christianity" that breathed new life into Jefferson's long-stalled Religious Freedom bill.

In conclusion, I agree with Mr. Norris that there are reason's to be angry -- especially concerning a financial crisis that did not have to happen. And yes, I agree that folks have the right to make their voices heard.

However, where I do not agree with Chuck is that the nation's populous ought to break off into individual, Timothy McVeigh-like, paramilitary terrorist cells that are bent on taking matters into their own hands via armed resurrection.

C'mon Chuck, think about it. Nobody is taking your religion away from you. But then, on the other hand, not everyone ought to have to hold the same "morals and values" that you hold dear. Impose your beliefs on your own family, not on everyone else.

Besides, turning civil society on its head is not something that should be taken lightly -- despite what Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence. As that old maxim so eloquently expresses: Be careful what you ask for -- you might just get it. And in the end, that might prove to be just a little more than even Chuck Norris can chew....

(Sorry this article isn't funny per se', but, it sure felt good writing it)!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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