HOLLYWOOD - ABC has added a new show to its March lineup. The show, patterned after "Dancing With The Stars" is entitled "Dancing With The Losers."
The show will be co-hosted by Senator John "Big Mac" McCain and Governor Sarah "McNuggets" Palin.
Contestants scheduled to appear include Tatiana Del Toro, Jason "The Bachelor" Mesnick, ex-New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, Andrew Dice Clay, ex-Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, Katrina "Bikini Girl" Darrell, Bernard Madoff, Cloris Leachman, Andy Dick, and Courtney Love.
American Idol reject, Tatiana Del Toro, who actually was given two chances due to being a wild card entry told Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart that she does not really consider herself a loser.
Del Toro went on to say that the actual losers are the American people who will not get to hear her fabulous singing voice each week on American Idol.
She said that she feels sad for that elderly couple sitting in their farm house just outside Sioux City, Iowa who will not get the once-in-a-lifetime thrill of seeing her sweet talented face and hearing the noteworthy notes that come out of her vocal cords.
Tats added that it breaks her heart to know that little children ages 7 and 10, sitting in ghettoes, barrios, and housing projects from Maine to New Hampshire will miss out seeing her showoff her semi-stocky sexy legs.
Andy Dick just happened to overhear the "Drama Queen" and he remarked, "Hey Tattletail or whatever your name is, you of the weird shrills, shrieks, squeals, and squaks...you remind me of my ex-wife's butt."
Tatiana turned red, and she got in his face, and remarked, "And you, you skinny munchkin you remind me of a used Q-Tip."
"Well girlfriend your legs aren't semi-stocky...bitch your legs are downright stocky!"
"And Mr. Dick I'm not your girlfriend and why do you have a name like that when you don't have a thing like that?"
"What the F are you talking about you quasi-Madonna-looking wannabe?"
"Well, Mr. Dickless speaking of wannabe, I hear that you are all pissed on (sic) because you wanna be a guy."
"And I heard Miss Tat for tit that you have been approached to be the poster girl for carbohydrates"
"Shut up Annie, before I bitch slap you with one of my totally ample thighs."
Just then Andrew Dice Clay walked in. "Hey, youse two. Andy you're just an anorexic-looking has-been pompous punk.
And Tatsy fatsy you're just a friggingly annoying totally whacked out wannabe discount store diva, so both of you shut the F up 'cause I'm over there in the corner trying to concentrate and learn the friggin' steps to the friggin' cha cha friggin' cha."
Andy Dick got in Dice Clay's face and said, "Bite me Frankenstein!"
Dice Clay picked him up by his ears and he bit his nose.
Dick ran off wailing to the women's bathroom like a scalded banshee.
Dice Clay then turned to Del Toro, and said, "And how about you, you Ricky Ricardo in a dress looking piece of tossed salad senorita do you want me to bite you to?"
Tatiana turned around and started running and screaming, "That's it America, I am going back to Puerto Rico, and all of you will just have to miss out on the fantastic talented talents that I have possessed ever since I was in my mama's womb."
Just then Cloris Leachman who is 82, walked in and said, "What in the blue-haired blazes is going on here? You people have no regard or respect for me or the fact that I am old, or the fact that...
Dice-Clay interrupted her. He picked her up by her ankles and said, "Grandma, shut the F up or else I'll bite you on your 119-year-old uvula."
Just then the director yelled, "Okay everyone quiet on the set."
