'I'm not a vampire', Hillary Clinton claims

Funny story written by matwil

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

image for 'I'm not a vampire', Hillary Clinton claims
A Kosovo vampire

The new American Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made the surprising claim that she is not a blood-sucking vampire.

Speaking from the White House, as the sun went down over Washington DC, Mrs Clinton said: 'I don't know where these crazy rumors came from, I am not a vampire! Vampires don't exist, I mean ...', and as President Barack Obama was seen tending to his garlic plants in the garden, she continued: 'And if they did exist, they's be white-faced, horrible-looking people with big teeth, that pick on harmless people and drain their blood and energy for their own insane power trips. So you see, I cannot be a vampire, Igor.'

Mrs Clinton's first move as Secretary of State was to visit some caves in Israel, to offer American funding for the endangered Palestinian pipistrelle bat population there, followed by talks in Romania with the Foreign Minister Dr. Acula. She then promised increased help for AIDS victims in Africa, by 'simply removing their infected blood, that should help.'

And her husband, former President Bill Clinton, gave his wife his full support in her claims. 'She's just a plain old Southern girl, not a vampire', he said, fingering his crucifix that always hangs around his neck, 'these allegations are just plain darned crazy. Why, if she was a vampire she'd've sucked all my blood dry, just to ... fuel her ... delusional insane ... er ... power trips.'

Edmund Hillary was seen half-way up Mount Everest today, hunting Kosovo vampires with a sniper's gun.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more