British media launches dumbed-down simplistic phrases factory

Funny story written by matwil

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

image for British media launches dumbed-down simplistic phrases factory
One of the Crunch Bunch at lunch

Today the media in the United Kingdom launched a factory in East London, one to provide newspapers and television and radio news stations with simplistic, idiotic phrases to sum up complex world events, phrases that are often inaccurate. The factory - 'The Crunch Bunch' - guarantee that any situation can be narrowed down to two or three words, often rhyming or onomatopeic ones.

Managing director Sir Hillary Creton said: 'Our best ones have been quite recent ones. 'The 'Credit Crunch' is about as perfect an example as you could find, took the office boy thirteen seconds to think that one up, one that simplifies socio-economic and Keynesian planning into a phrase that even a parrot could say. Though we rejected 'the War on Terror' as being just too dumbed-down for the British. We sold it to America.'

Other excellent simplistic phrases include 'the Peace Process', though there's no peace involved and very little processing of anything, except for protection rackets replacing pub bombings, 'the Champions' League', one commissioned by Europeans for a football competition that isn't a league for non-champions and runners-up, and 'Wacko Jacko', though that one is perfectly correct.

Sir Hillary added: 'We will be amalgamating with the American phrase factory, 'The Cringe Binge', who have done such sterling work in the last decade. There was George 'Dumbya' Bush, 'Hitlery' Clinton, 'Sticky Willy' Clinton, and John McPain, though we weren't so impressed with 'The Surge' or 'What Are Americans Doing Dying In British And French Oil Colonies Anyway?'

Shares in ITN rose by a nose at the new news, shares in Parrots'R'Us were looking pretty pretty, those in ABC fell at the bell in Wall Street.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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