Queen's fatal seizure at godson Wacko Jacko death news
London - (Rioters): Flunkeys broke the news to the Queen at midnight, waking her in her Herman Goering Suite four-poster at Buckingham Palace as the news broke that her godson Michael Jackson had died. The old monarchy hoaxer promptly turned a shi...
Read full storyAl Sharpton Blames Michael Jackson Death on Whitey
In a news conference outside of Harlem's Apollo Theatre, Al Sharpton took the microphone and blamed the death of Michael Jackson (heart attack in his Los Angeles area home) on "Whitey." When asked how whitey was responsible for the death of a form...
Read full storyAdam Lambert's Gerbil Suffocates in BuckwheatsButt's Nappy Buttcrack
SAN DIEGO, CA - North American Idol notable Adam Lambert says that's the kind of headline he's tired of seeing, and it's time for payback. He's fed up with all the gerbil stories about him at TheSpoof.com, and wants equal opportunity destroyer The S...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Stuck Inside Ten Year Old Boy
Los Angeles, CA - Michael Jackson has narrowly avoided death this week thanks to an experimental surgical procedure, a source at the ULCA Hospital has revealed. Rushed to hospital after a suspected cardiac arrest, singer Jackson was offered a treatme...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Suffers Fatal Heart Attack
Michael Jackson, once living proof that any poor, young black child can become a rich white woman, has died due to a cardiac arrest (heart attack) in Los Angeles. He was pronounced dead at UCLA Medical Center. At the announcement of the death of...
Read full storyMichael Jackson suspected of faking his own death, again
California - (Intestate Bankrupt Ass Mess): The tribute act known as Michael Jackson is believed to have faked his own death once again. Early reports from the Seedy Sinai Clinic say Jackson, 69, suffered a simulated fatal heart attack this aftern...
Read full storyRash of "Charlie's Angel" Sightings Reported Along Southern California Coast
LOS ANGELES, CA - Authorities in Southern California today were inundated with hundreds of calls concerning a mysterious angel hovering above the ocean in San Diego and Los Angeles area communities, clogging 911 lines. Dubbed "Charlie's Angel," th...
Read full storyThe Fox Network Offers Kim Jong Il His Own Reality Show
NEW YORK CITY - In an unbelievably unprecedented move, the Fox Network has just offered North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il his own reality show. The show's tentative title is "My Name Is Kim Jong Il And I Am One Stupid-Ass Crazy MoFo Bastard North K...
Read full storyUrologist Goes Postal, Kills Twelve
Dr. David Bilkman, a Toronto Urologist, went "postal" in his office and killed ten patients, his nurse, and his receptionist. The victims were shot to death by a handgun that a surviving nurse said "he kept in the office for target shooting and hunt...
Read full storyMan With World's Smallest Penis Makes Nude Calender
Penis Minus Wilson (not his real name) who has the world's smallest penis and who has the number one website on the internet because there are so many that are curious or want to feel good about their own manhood, has announced that he will be puttin...
Read full storyTop 15 Indications That Susan Boyle Has Completely Cracked!
15. She no longer needs a rear view mirror on car to see who's behind her as head now goes all the way around. 14. Wants to try out for the role of Tevye in "Fiddler On The Roof". 13. Stars doing that little hand on hip shake every time somebody mentions Joe Biden's hair plugs. 12. Repeatedly asks camera man if she can ride on his shoulders. 11. Her voice i beginning to sound just a bi...
Read full storySupreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Wants to Strip Search Teenagers
In an 8 to 1 decision the US Supreme Court declared the strip searching of a 13 year old girl for Advil was illegal. The Only dissenter was Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas who wants to see naked teenagers. "I love looking at naked teens", T...
Read full storySacha Baron Cohen Says Chaz Bono Is A Cutey
LONDON - Dark, shock humor comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, 40 reportedly told a reporter for The London Daily Telegram that he saw a before and after photo of Chastity (Chaz) Bono and the gal/guy is definitely a cutey. Sacha said that just from the ph...
Read full storySanford's Mistress Identified as Hitler's Daughter
Authorities in Buenos Aires have identified South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's mistress as Veronica Braun-the daughter of former Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler and his wife, Eva Braun. The 49-year-old Veronica Braun had successfully kept her pa...
Read full storyIs McCain's new Green car a Transformer? Shape shifting into a Ford Fusion Hybrid...and Beyond?
Washington, D.C. - Pulling up to a gas pump driving his old Cadillac CTS to a pool of reporters waiting for his arrival, a press conference called to tout the senator's going green by buying a Ford Fusion Hybrid, John McCain calmly exits the drivers...
Read full storyFarrah Fawcett Dies; Charlie's Angel Is Now God's Angel
Farrah Fawcett, life companion of Ryan O'Neal and former founding member of Charlie's Angels, passed away surrounded by family and friends. Fawcett has battled cancer in recent years. She was raised in Corpus Christi, Texas and attended the Univers...
Read full storyRacist Councillor Slur Inquiry - 'Blackwash!'
Racist Bristol councillor Shirley Brown will face no further action after insulting Jay Jethwa by calling her a 'coconut' at a council meeting earlier this year. The term is used to indicate that a person from an ethnic minority is brown on the outsi...
Read full storySouth Carolina Governor Sanford Declares Force Majeure
On Tuesday, June 24th, 2009, US Keyhole satellite imagery captured compromising images of missing South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford in Buenos Aires Argentina. Pressed into action by right wing Carolina zealots, believing their Governor had bee...
Read full storyMark Sanford Mistress Photo Released
Buenos Ares, Argentina - The photo of the mistress of South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, was released today by the local Buenos Ares press. The mistress, Maria Belen Chapur, is believed to be about 43 years-old, although her photograph would l...
Read full storyDame Judi Dench Orders Ahmadinejad To Be 'Liquidated'
London, UK - Internationally reknowned actress, Dame Judith Olivia Dench, CH, DBE, FRSA, has ordered that the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, be liquidated by the United Kingdom's counter-intelligence and security agency, MI5. In response...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Turns Down Nick's Marriage Proposal, "For Now"
What do you do after appearing before a Washington Senate committee on the continued federal funding on research into the disease of type I diabetes? In case you're Nick Jonas, you ask your best friend if she'll marry you. Taking many by surpri...
Read full storyHilary Duff & Lindsay Lohan To Star In The Same Movie?
Former ennemies Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan are set to star, together, in the same movie! Duff's representative has announced last night that "Hilary and Lindsay will be both on the set of 'The Great Education', alongside Ben Kingsley, Queen Lat...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Punches Perez Hilton
LOS ANGELES - For the second time this week, Tinseltown website blogger Perez Hilton has been punched in the face. First it was Polo Molina, the manager of The Black Eyed Peas and now it is none other than 16-year-old Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Monta...
Read full storyNixon reckoned Obama 'should have been culled at birth'
Washington AC/DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Disgraced former US President Richard Nixon told former aide Chuck Colson that he believed it was 'necessary' to abort mixed-race babies - in case they grow up to become over-ambitious presidential wannab...
Read full storyMoustafa To Meet His Maker After Murdering Mistress Concludes Mufti
Cairo, Egypt - Egytion tycoon, real estate mogul Hisham Talaat Moustafa, has been ordered put to death for the murder of his mistress, Lebanese pop star Suzanne Tamim. Evidence presented in the courtroom suggests that Mr. Moustafa hired a hit man...
Read full storyAliens, UFOs exonerated as Tasmania attorney general blames 'stoned wallabies' for crop circle formations
Tasmania - (X-Files Mess): Forget those pesky, much-maligned crop circle-etching alien UFOs, they are entirely blameless. That's the verdict of Tasmania attorney general Lara Giddings who says 'mashed on opium wallabies' are the real perpetrato...
Read full storyMan with world's largest penis stalked by Vanessa Hudgens
HOLLYWOOD, CA - The man with the world's largest penis, currently on tour to promote his latest CD, a back-to-his-roots, rock-solid musical endeavor titled Gone Straight, revealed today that he has a stalker. Speaking with a generic, semi-hot, vac...
Read full storyBelgium - What Went Wrong?
Incoming news appears to suggest that the small European country of Belgium, has gone totally off the rails, and is nowhere near as good as it used to be. Warnings coming in suggest that the small country, once renowned for the port of Ostend, wit...
Read full storyBanksy Vandalised
Another vandal has vandalised some vandalism by the former England goalkeeper Gordon Banks. "I'm gutted", he said. "This is worse than losing an eye in a car crash." A sentiment shared by many Bristol councillors, gutted by the loss of revenue from t...
Read full storyPresident Sarkozy institutes another ban
Following his decision yesterday to ban Fench men from wearing the Burkha, President Sarkozy of France has added another ban to his list. Speaking from an orange crate (not any old orange crate mind you, this one was flown in as a gift from Tom Cr...
Read full storyLou Diamond Phillips Wins "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here"
COSTA RICA - Lou Diamond Phillips who portrayed 50's singing sensation Richie Valens in La Bamba was chosen 'King of The Jungle' in NBC's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! NBA great John Salley came in third and female wrestler Torrie Wilson ca...
Read full storyGovernor Mark Sanford Takes A Chainsaw To His Marriage To Skil® Power Tool Company Heiress, Jenny Sanford
Columbia, SC - If Paris Hilton thought he had it bad this past weekend, he should take a look at the problems South Carolina Governor, Mark Sandford has had to deal with. The Governor has been in the press after disappearing over the weekend, out...
Read full storyRun-down School Principal Featured by Obama Gets Facelift
Jackson, MS. - Students at Martin Van Buren high School in Mud Flaps, Mississippi received quite a surprise when they returned to school Monday. Their run-down school principal, who was accidentally highlighted by Barrack Obama after his teleprompte...
Read full story