Tasmania - (X-Files Mess): Forget those pesky, much-maligned crop circle-etching alien UFOs, they are entirely blameless.
That's the verdict of Tasmania attorney general Lara Giddings who says 'mashed on opium wallabies' are the real perpetrators behind the crop circle phenomenon.
Giddings told a parliamentary hearing into the security of the island state's home grown medicinal poppy fields that out of control marsupials regularly vandalise crops with their high-as-a-kite antics.
"That's the little blighters' recreational activity," Giddings explained.
"And after they've gorged themselves on the poppy crop they start dancing round and round in circles, creating weird and wonderful designs such as the, er... that recent jellyfish crop etching!"
Australia grows up to 50% of the world's entirely legit opium needs supplying the raw materials used to make morphine and other analgesics.
A spokesman for the International Crop Circle Federation said today:
"WTF? Wallabies in Wiltshire? Get a life."