Adam Lambert's Gerbil Suffocates in BuckwheatsButt's Nappy Buttcrack

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Thursday, 25 June 2009

image for Adam Lambert's Gerbil Suffocates in BuckwheatsButt's Nappy Buttcrack
"Now THAT'S a STORY!!"

SAN DIEGO, CA - North American Idol notable Adam Lambert says that's the kind of headline he's tired of seeing, and it's time for payback. He's fed up with all the gerbil stories about him at, and wants equal opportunity destroyer The San Francisco Onion to set the record straight about the spoof writer with lots of points, and lots of pointless stories.

"I don't suppose he ever thought that I might have a pet gerbil, and that those stories are just plain hurtful," said Lambert of the infamous ass that takes his name from a Little Rascal. "He really shouldn't be projecting his fantasies at someone else like that, airing his pent up frustrations online."

Writers for The San Francisco Onion told Lambert they are "eager" to do such a story about the aspiring humorist with the nappy-headed nom de plume.

Said one, "You know, I'll be watching my live updates at the site, and all of a sudden it says, 'BuckwheatsButt is reading your spoof story,' and then about one second later before he even has a chance to read it, he gives it one star! If you ask me, the jealous bastard's just asking for it."

Tentative titles for the piece include: BuckwheatsButt Gets Creamed by "Our Gang"; 'He-Man Woman Haters Club' Elects New President; Spoof Writer's 'Little Rascal' Always Stands at Attention for Alfalfa; BuckwheatsButt Bitten After Drawing Circle Around Dog's Eye, Mounting Said Same; and Lambert's favorite so far, BuckwheatsButt Gets Sore After Darla Refuses to Use Strap On Device.

First, let's see if he actually reads this one all the way through!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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