Pope schmoozes Austrian church after incest nutter Fritzl furore
Amstetten, Austria - (Tunnel Visionary Mess): Pope Joe Ratzinger has 'bent over backwards' to appease disgust and dismay among his senior Austrian gofers in the aftermath of a public outcry about an underground tunnel between the Vatican and Amstett...
Read full storyVegetarians behind 99% of greenhouse gases
London - (Methane Ass Mess): Killer global warming emissions from bean-guzzling, flesh-eschewing, veggie-nutters like Paul McCartney are melting more glaciers and displacing more polar bears/Emperor King penguins than the entire combined exhausts' ou...
Read full storyAhmadinejad Wins Florida
Besides Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has also been declared the winner of Florida. Bingo! Holding the four-way Presidential election in Iran, a run off election was expected between the two top finalists, however since Ahmadinejad won in a landslide, h...
Read full storyAT & T Asks Congress For Bailout Of Telegraph Division
AT & T say they may go to only the telephone part of their company unless congress approves their request for help for their sinking telegraph division. "Both the Congo and Somalia say they are interested in purchasing the telegraph division b...
Read full storyIranian Riot Police Brutally Attacked By Tehran Troublemakers
Horrendous scenes unfolding in Iranian capital Tehran, where we believe foreign journalists are being thrown out of the country, especially that bloke from Sky, who seems to attract trouble like a magnet. Violence flared as thousands of followers...
Read full storyChastity Bono To Appear Nude In PlayMister Magazine
BEVERLY HILLS - Cher Bono's little daughter, 40-year-old Chastity has agreed to do a "Before and After Layout Spread" in PlayMister Men's Magazine. PlayMister's editor Terzolino Atwater stated that it will definitely be a first for his magazine wh...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Learns Karate
Miley Cyrus is learning karate at the Chang Karate school in New Jersey in the event she is placed in prison with voracious lesbians. "I am learning karate because I fear that one day I might end up in prison and I don't want to get attacked by d...
Read full storyBroadband Revolution
Culture Secretary Ben Bradshaw has announced that every landline customer in the UK has volunteered to pay 50 pence per month per line to fund the expansion of Broadband service to Digital Britain. "Stap me"! Prime Minister Gordon Brown was heard...
Read full storyLily Allen confesses "I'm not a nice person"
Lily Allen has finally admitted to what everyone has known all along, that she's a nasty bitch. "I know I say a lot of things about people that can be sharp edged. But that's only because I'm a nasty, poisonous person. There's no other reason."...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Posts Topless Pic On Twitter
Lindsay Lohan has need of your attention. She is not being noticed, even after apparently getting so desperate for attention that she's stole some jewelry at a photo shoot to make it onto the news. Now she's placed a topless photo on Twitter. A...
Read full storySpoof writer heading for Tehran
An unnamed Spoof writer was last night heading for Iran's capital Tehran in a vain bid to get taken hostage by some Iranian girls who he thinks look "a bit hot" even with their headscarves on. This valiant bid at pan global relations was dealt a c...
Read full storyGlobal recession - All A Mistake
World Bank boss Robert Zoellick called a press conference this morning. The gathering of financial journalists from around the world was astonished to hear him announce that the global recession happened because of a simple mistake. He went on...
Read full storyIsrael offer their best friends "Palestine" a super deal for their new state!
Israeli Prime minister Netanyahu proudly announced to the world that they are willing to accept a Palestinian State as their neighbours. While the announcement may seem like a surprise about turn by the Israeli government, they will only accept th...
Read full storyLaporta Dazed and Confused
Barcelona FC president, Joan Laporta, continues to be dazed and confused over the recent player acquisitions of perennial archrival Real Madrid. Over the weekend, Laporta was seen at the Montmeló race circuit witnessing how staunch Barça supporter...
Read full storyQueen Caught in Gardening Plot
London (FTB newswire) The underground website Hack in the Box confessed this week that one of it's members had infiltrated the U.S. Governments most secure network. A hacker known as "k0mrade" claims he broke into the ultra top secret National Securi...
Read full storyPresident Obama's Half-Brother, George H.W. Obama Writes Book
Another Obama relative has a book deal. A memoir by George H.W. Obama, the president's half brother and a resident of Crawford, Kenya will be published by Simon & Garfinkle in January 2010. George H.W. Obama, 27, shares the same father with his f...
Read full storyTen Members of House of Lords Stricken With Food Poisoning
London, UK - A family who donated their deceased father's liver to medical science is sadden by the news that it ended up on the buffet table of the House Of Lords as a pâté during the Queen's birthday celebrations, causing ten members to become viol...
Read full storyPiers Morgan Poses Nude - Susan Boyle Goes Batty
London, UK - Irresistably studly Britain's Got Talent judge, Piers Morgan, has revealed himself naked with only a towel covering his nether lands and a gold medallion on a chain hanging from his neck; all of this as a result of an advertising campaig...
Read full storyRecession: Civil Servants "Will Be Forced to Eat Each Other"
London, EN - The Chartered Institute of Human Resources People has issued a chilling warning over job losses in the Public Sector. Up to 5 million civil servants and council workers could lose their jobs over the next five years. This may lead to can...
Read full storyDemi Moore Bush Pic To Be Included With Windows 7
Las Vegas, NV. - Announced to day at the demiannual convention of Computer Software Pirates and Code Buccaneers, Mr. Xiao So Ping stated that Windows 7; The Blue Version, shall included a picture of Demi Moore in her birthday suit standing beside for...
Read full storyUpdate: Swine Flu reaches 42
Swine Flu now reaches 42 in the small community of Pertia. The most recent two cases were a 102 year old long-time retired pensioner who got Swine Flu in his apartment complex from another sick Swine Flu victim who stays next to his apartment roo...
Read full storyPrime Minister says "Elections are bad for democracy"
Prime Minister Gordon Brown has revealed his strategy for taking the United Kingdom forward into a new age of prosperity and good fortune. Pointing to recent election results for the European Parliament and English local government, he points out...
Read full storyUpdate: Swine Flu Toll reaches 17
The Swine Flu Toll for Pertia is now 17. 12 new cases have been discovered in the past two hours when it was announced that the toll was just five."> The most recent cases are a 5 year old Prep student at Pertia Primary School, a 6 year old boy, a...
Read full storySwine Flu Toll in Pertia reaches 5
The Swine Flu Toll in Pertia has now reached 5 after a recent case was discovered. The latest case was an 18 year old Year 12 student at Pertia Secondary College. During classtime hours at 12 noon, all students were at class and the 18 year old gi...
Read full storyNewly found Pertia Town has had a bad 2009!
The newly found Pertia Town was a found town in 1979, which is located near Wellington, New Zealand and it is 8806 km². It was always known as the 'happy town'. Nothing ever went wrong there until the year 2009 approached. The first drama was the...
Read full storyFeds to Tax Imaginary Friends
If you have, or have ever had an imaginary friend, be prepared to pay even more in federal taxes. Seeking to find ways to increase imaginary revenue, congress has passed, and the president will sign, legislation designed to find them, and tax you on...
Read full storyChastity Bono to Play with CaCa, Ronaldo on Real Madrid
Real Madrid has been assembling a collection of the most manly men in Europenis footballs in the history of the sport. Once they acquired the behind guard CaCa, most experts thought the team would be undefeatable. The recent purchase of Cristiano Ron...
Read full storyWillow, Bristol and Sarah Palin in Wild Sex Romp with School Principal
Satire writer NickFun expressed regret at writing the above headline this afternoon from his home office near Los Angeles. "That just didn't happen. I don't know what got into me", Fun stated. "I don't even know the Palins. I deeply apologize t...
Read full storyParis Hilton and Lindsay Lohan Score Surprisingly Low on Paparazzi IQ Contest
Gossip columnists, paparazzi and exploiters of the undeserving rich and infamous have established a foundation to test the intelligence quotient of the many poor bastards that are constantly hounded and persecuted for their supposed star power.Many a...
Read full storyFoxer Knockers Voted Best Bust Among Italian Alleged Murderers
Foxy Knoxy may be the most cutthroat of the 2009 Exchange students in Italia. But that is by far not the only contest involving alleged murderesses and study abroad broads. The Italian Institute of Big Breasted Assassins has named Amanda Knox the acc...
Read full storyDavid Letterman drives Sarah Palin to join "The Vagina Monologues" 500?
Anchorage, Alaska - In attempt to expand the Alaskan governess's horizons (or call her bluff), producers of "The Vagina Monologues" have invited Sarah Palin to perform in their show. If she accepts, Palin will read a scene from the play called: "...
Read full storyDirector Martin Scorsese Sues Mascot Mr. Clean Over Trademark Bushy Eyebrows
LOS ANGELES - Talk about giving the hairy eyeball! - In an unprecedented move last week, Academy Award-winning director Martin Scorsese filed criminal charges against popular household cleaning mascot Mr. Clean. Scorsese, 66, claimed that Clean, pres...
Read full storyNew Anti Stab Knife: Asbo yob heads off to EU Courts for breach of human rights
Liverpool: Repeat offender and current Asbo world champion, Martin 'Divvy' Derek of Croxteth, Liverpool today announced he planned to go to the European Court of Human Rights after using one of the revolutionary new Anti Stab knives. THINK SAFETY...
Read full storySir Paul McCartney Battles With Rush Limbaugh Over Going Meatless
Sir Paul McCartney has been joined by his daughters Mary and Stella McCartney, Yoko Ono, Moby, Kate Bosworth and others as he launched his Meat Free Mondays campaign, that's already being protested by butchers everywhere. "It's hard enough to make...
Read full storyObama Appoints Czar to Oversee Massachusetts Corruption & Patronage!
Boston,Ma/ The Boston Bugle - Saying" enough is enough", President Barry O'Bama, blood brother of Massachusetts Governor Deval "Cadillac" Patrick, today appointed a Czar to oversee patronage in the corrupt Irish/Italian Mafia State, thereby taking t...
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