Culture Secretary Ben Bradshaw has announced that every landline customer in the UK has volunteered to pay 50 pence per month per line to fund the expansion of Broadband service to Digital Britain.
"Stap me"! Prime Minister Gordon Brown was heard to utter - "That's a stealth tax I never thought of".
The phone levy is to be backdated 7 years to the good old days when G. Brown was Chancellor of the Exchequer and will appear on July's telephone bills.
Those of you who pay bay Direct Debit need take no further action (but expect to see much more than you anticipated disappear from your account).
The working classes can continue to pay by cheque (as if!) or cash at the Post Office.
Unemployed scum, chavs, benefit cheats and Members of Parliament may continue to claim extra telephone benefit or expenses in the usual way.
Those who are forced into real financial difficulty by this addition to the cost of being British should revert to theft in the normal way. Please note that mobile phones, car GPS systems and Ipods are a drug on the market and try to thieve with a little flair!