The Winner of "Zimbabwe Idol" Disqualified For Allegedly Molesting Himself

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 6 December 2009

image for The Winner of "Zimbabwe Idol" Disqualified For Allegedly Molesting Himself
A view of Zimbabwe Idol winner Masatrigo Lumbubaba's backyard in Chitungwiza, Zimbabwe.

CHITUNGWIZA, Zimbawbe - The winner of this years Zombabwe Idol Masatrigo Lumbubaba has just been disqualified.

The second place finisher (pardon the pun) Lucy Nagutoomba will now be named the new "Zimbabwe Idol."

ZI's producer Tinfeema Chichona, 51, said that she had recently received some explicit photographs through the Internet that purportedly showed Masatrigo Lumbubaba in the process of committing an intimate act upon himself.

Mrs. Chichona was asked if that was really sufficient grounds for Lumbubaba to be disqualified. She replied that probably not in most civilized countries, but in Zimbabwe which is, at best, semi-civilized, it most certainly is grounds.

She went on to point out that in Zimbabwe the age old custom of self-gratification is looked upon as tantamount to someone shooting a baby hippo while it is in the process of nursing, or painting a zebra's white stripes black, or purposely forcing a rhino to mate with a monkey.

Chichona said that Mr. Lumbubaba was well aware of the rules and regulations when he first auditioned at The Chitungwiza Indoor-Outdoor Soccer Stadium back in March.

She added that Mr. Lumbubaba will now be expected to return the money that he won for winning Zimbabwe Idol. Lumbubaba was contacted by a reporter for The Chitungwiza Daily-Drummer and he said that he has already spent all of the prize money winnings of 1 million Zakavittis [$89 U.S.].

SIDENOTE: A spokesperson for Zimbabwe Idol has stated that since Masatrigo Lumbubaba will not be able to return the one million Zakavittis [£54.11 U.K.] a warrant for his arrest will be issued within 24 hours.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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