I have received inside information, that the winner of the X-Factor-2009, will be young Geordie crooner Joe McElderry.
Several observers have remarked concerning Simon Cowell's amazing about-face regarding his own acts, Olly Murs and Danyl Johnson, who seem to have fallen suddenly and inexplicably out of favour with their mentor.
"Young Joe's definitely won it," my insider told me, whist rubbing his gums. "I'm sure that the premium line telephone voting will make no difference to that. Because everybody will vote for Joe. Simon Cowell's seen to that already. He rather likes Stacey but he's gone right off Olly and Danyl, and now he's manipulating the viewers into agreeing with him by subtle suggestion. Or witchcraft voodoo or something."
Reports that Simon Cowell was mugged in a west London street tonight by a group of men who gave him a decent haircut and sewed some buttons on his shirt, have yet to be confirmed.
More as I make it up!
Hats off to J-Man for the shirtbutton idea.