Jose Feliciano Confession - "I Hate Stinking Christmas"
Los Angeles, CA - On the eve of his induction into the Grammy Hall Of Fame, Jose Feliciano, famed blind Puerto Rican singer admits he 'hates Christmas and all the trimmings that go with it'. Mr. Feliciano has been a Christmas fixture on the radio...
Read full storyMichelle Duggars Gives Birth To Her 19th Child
TONTITOWN, Arkansas - Michelle Duggars, of the TLC reality show, 18 Kids and Counting, has got to be one of the most breedingest women in the history of American childhood breeding. The mother of 18 kids, Michelle Duggars has just 'popped out' bab...
Read full story5 US men turned to jihadism because they were horny and not getting enough sex. Govt. to make culture change by rewarding them with 70 hot pussies on earth instead of 70 dried raisins in Paradise
NEW YORK: Dr. Feelgood famous tv sexologist says the 5 American men picked up in Pakistan on allegations of preparing for terrorist attacks did not get enough sex and this build-up of testosterone is what caused them to turn to jihad-ism. "Let's...
Read full storyFreshman Wrestler gets Chub
MILWAUKEE- For many college athletes, wrestling is just another sport. But not for Adam Starns. Having wrestled his way through his younger years, and high school, he now enjoys a full wrestling scholarship, which he can utilize throughout his underg...
Read full storyJane Lynch admits she is a lesbian
Jane Lynch appeared in more than 100 movies and TV shows including The L Word, The 40 Year Old Virgin, CSI, The Gilmore Girls, Friends and Best in Show. And best of all, this lesbian actress has never once felt the need to be in the closet about any...
Read full storyThird Woman Who Has NOT Slept With Tiger Comes Forward
Another woman has come forward to indicate that she has not had sex with golfer Tiger Woods. She is the third confirmed woman who has claimed such non-intimacy with him. Jane DeGood, a dental technician from Lake Richmond, has confided in an exclu...
Read full storyWalkin in a Doggie Wonderland
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'? In the lane, snow is glistenin'. It's yellow, NOT white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty! Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift...
Read full storyWhite House to celebrate Kwanzaa
WASHINGTON- In a major effort to impose cultural awareness this year, President Barack Obama stated he will officially celebrate Kwanzaa at the White House. Kwanzaa, an African-American year-end feast, established in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, a cul...
Read full storyAustralia catch Brit "Binge Drinking" disease and send in the riot police!
Australia have been caught up in their most desperate crisis since England's cricket team stuffed them in the Ashes it's called the, "Brit Binge Drinking Sickness!" Things have become so desperate in Australias main cities at the weekends that the...
Read full storyThe Hockey Mom Christmas Song
Another tribute to hockey moms and dads, ice ponds, flood lights and kids that refuse to come in from the cold until they are forced to. You just have to love this time of year... snow on the pines, crisp air, goofy knitted hats. That, or just move your butt down to Florida and stop complaining. Seriously though... Merry Christmas! Sung to the tune of "The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts r...
Read full storyTiger Woods Attacked By Raciest
Tiger Woods is being attacked by raciest because he was procreating with human females. The argument is over the fact that Wood's skin is dark and the raciest don't like him. The K.K.K. has assembled a list of eleven white mistresses they say th...
Read full storyAl Gore Goes From "Save The Whales" To "Join The Whales"
Checking in at a whopping 280 pounds, former Vice President and present Earth Saver, Al Gore, has left the "Save The Whales" organization to begin a new venture called "Join The Whales". "I've got a glandular condition anyway so it doesn't matter...
Read full storyKirstie Alley's Belly Doubles After Ass-Reduction Surgery
"Everything happens to me", was heard from a room that we weren't allowed into but could take messages and recordings from the hall of a private clinic in California. The voice sounded familiar so we thought it was Kirstie but it had more bass tha...
Read full storyTiger Woods: Everything Went Wrong After That Fart
In a special video scheduled to be on Oprah this week and filmed before one of her audiences that were each specially selected, Tiger Woods blames all his troubles on the live TV fart at the golf tournament this past summer, it has been stated by tho...
Read full storyScottish-American Connection Found at Edinburgh Castle
Starting out as a brief respite from a typical traveling consultant work week, and in an attempt to do something other that stare at the walls of my modest hotel room on the Firth of Fourth, this writer took it upon himself to venture into the city to see what a typical tourist could see. Light rain had begun at the outset, but with bumbershoot in hand and a fistful of Scottish Pounds in my poc...
Read full storyCongressional Republicans Deny Irrelevancy: "T*ts on a Bull Would be VERY Useful."
Washington, DC: Congressional Republicans reacted angrily today at accusations of abject incompetence and political irrelevance from both within and outside the party. Republican leaders denied their perceived lack of any direction for the country...
Read full storySusan Boyle tops the US album with a voice like a Goddess and a "Boyle" on her nose.
The US entertainment culture of plastic surgery, sexy and super-star looks has been turned on its head by Britains own very UGLY superstar, Susan Boyle. She's topping the US billboard album chart despite being photographed with a massive "Boyle" o...
Read full storyHumongous Is World's Most Humongous Word
It has long been argued by people with nothing better to do with their time, as to which is the 'biggest' word in our language. Well today we have an answer. It has been officially decided that humongous is the world's most humongous word. Othe...
Read full storyThe City of Edinburgh apologises to Laplanders for Secret Atrocity
The City of Edinburh has apologised to Laplanders for a secret atrocity that happened in the year 1887. The atrocity is believed to have involved the eating of a Reindeer. The Reindeer landed on the roof of a well known Edinburgher of literary re...
Read full storyCannibal Inadvertently Eats Own Hand
A cannibal has today inadvertently, and inappropriately, eaten his own left hand. Edgar Triggs was in court, over the alledged offence of consuming his neighbour Cyril Betts, 84, for letting his cat defecate in the Oxford man's garden, when the in...
Read full storyNorth Carolina Hunters Petition State To Hunt in Zoos and Animal Shelters
Mr. T J McCorkle, president of a hunt club in Louisburg, NC announced today that their club and others from across the state had petitioned the state to allow them to hunt in Zoos and animal shelters. North Carolina is one of the few states in th...
Read full storyIn the Night Garden: Horror At Bedtime
"In the Night Garden": A relaxing jaunt to a fantasy world for babies and young children, with loveable, quirky characters and high quality music and effects, broadcast at bedtime on the BBC. Or is it a shocking documentary compiled from actual footage taken by agents of the British Goverment showing the results of nazi-style experiments on innocent victims of the war on terror? Iggle Piggl...
Read full storyPalin Struggles with Cunnilinigus
ALASKA- In a frantic effort to exterminate the gay community, former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin (Rep-AK) joined her church's initiation in starting to "pray away the gays". Larry Kroon, Pastor of Wasilla Bible Church, Wasilla, Alaska, reported t...
Read full storyItalians React to Amanda Knox Apologists, Pledge to Reopen Hearings into "American Justice!"
Italian cocksman and media mogul Silvio Berlusconi, enraged at U.S. politicians and some media broadcasters calling the Knox Murder Trial 'flawed', vowed to reopen troubling investigations involving American Justice. According to Italian Minister...
Read full storyRobin Hood Fanatic Openly Confronts Residents of Nottingham
Arrested yesterday for public drunkenness and creating a public nuisance, a California man dressed in green leggings, leather vest and feathered cap will face charges in Nottingham County Court tomorrow. Timothy Flynn, who reportedly had his name...
Read full storySuBo is Tiger's next target
Celebrated contest-entering songstress Susan Boyle has gone into hiding after it was revealed that her well-publicised virginity has made her the only woman in the world who has not spent a spiritual evening with Tiger Woods. A spokesman for the d...
Read full storyHollywood madam Michelle Braun says Tiger has awesome appetite!
Los Angeles - (Labia Babes): "He's so high-octane they even used the 'Put A Tiger In Your Tank' jingle to sell gasoline to the Brits," Hollywood madam Michelle Braun said of her top client Tiger Woods. And Braun should know, she's catered to the...
Read full storyNorth End London Woman Mistaken for Mrs. Claus
Mrs. Edna Clausington of 23 Tonbridge Street, Barnsbury, was reportedly the source of a large public gathering and traffic flow interruption this past Saturday near Housmans Bookshop, as she was mistaken for the actual Mrs. Claus. "Everything else...
Read full storyMother Theresa wants to come back and appear in X Factor
A prominent medium in Washington DC claimed that she has been contacted by Mother Theresa of Calcutta, the late saint famous for her care for the poor, and that she has been asked to make an application on her behalf to X Factor. Miss Joanne Blueb...
Read full storyTiger bunkers down
Recent rumors of Tiger Woods' faltering game are simply not true. Sure he's thrown his putter into some lateral hazards lately landing him more penalty strokes than an early withdrawal of a 401K account. But that doesn't necessarily reflect the le...
Read full storyFeminism Bites Itself In The Bum?
Feminism has struggled (rightly) to do more for the equality of women in a modern, fair society. However it would appear that the meaning of the cause has been lost. Many modern feminist now feel it is their duty to ridicule, de-masculanise and disrespect what 'being a man' stands for. When was the last time you saw a woman's TV show? And a man's TV show? Exactly. Feminism has also meant th...
Read full storyObama Not So Noble As He Flies Out of Oslo in A Rage After He Disses King and Gets Called "A Lout!"
President Barack Hussein Obama, who said he only had time to fly in and pick up his $1m Nobel Piece Prize, ignoring protocol by turning down a luncheon date with the Viking King, flew into a rage when he was told there was a three day bank hold on...
Read full storyLoredana Jolie (no relation) on her high whorse about Tiger shagging threesomes
Orlando, Fla - (Deeper Throat): "Not many women can take the full twelve inches," stunning Sicilian blonde model Loredana Jolie said today, "least, not orally. "Call it an artform if ya like. An inherited talent on the erotic gene. "Sure kep...
Read full storyAdolf Hitler accepts Nobel Peace Prize
President Adolf Hitler has said Germany must uphold moral standards when waging wars that are necessary and justified, as he accepted his Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo. In his speech he defended the role of Germany in the Soviet Union, arguing the use...
Read full storyNelson Mandela Bites Off His Balls
(Defecated News) The Former President of South Africa was yesterday rushed into hospital after what doctors described as 'a self-inflicting injury ' Mr Mandela was found on his bathroom floor last night by his nephew Bernard. "He was lying on...
Read full storyWham! Bam! - Pack That Fudge, George!
(Defecated News) In an attempt to improve his public standing alongside this weekend's planned appearance at The X Factor Finale, serial bum-bandit George Michael has opened a club in London this week. 'Fudge' is a 'members' only 24 hour club that...
Read full storyLittle Known Facts About (Fairly) Well-known People : Pinetop Perkins
Pinetop Perkins, Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award winner and Blues Hall of Fame inductee, was born Joseph William Perkins on July 7, 1913 in Belzoni, Mississippi and is still quite active on blues music circuits despite his advanced age. Mr. Perkins acquired his highly unusual nickname in 1931 as a result of his desire to make the acquaintance of a certain Loni Mae Evans of nearby Silver Sprin...
Read full storyPeace-full Obama acts Nobel and nobody knows why?
On a quick trip to Oslo, Obama decided it was time to really do something for himself instead of always "acting" on behalf of the Human Race, excluding the Taliban, Iraqi insurgents, Bin Laden and the KKK. He dropped in to pick up his very Nobel prize while the rest of the world was left wondering why? Here are maybe a few better candidates than Barack who could have easily "knocked him into...
Read full storyTiger Woods Puts His Wrecked 2010 Black Cadillac Escalade SUV On eBay
ORLANDO - Tiger Woods has reportedly placed his 2010 black Cadillac Escalade SUV which was involved in that Thanksgiving Day hit and run on eBay. Tigers manager Upton Courtquist stated that due to the vast amounts of possible out-of-court settleme...
Read full storyLily Allen Performs In An Extremely Short Tunic Proving She Is Most Definitely A Girl
LIVERPOOL - Lily Allen really rocked the house as she performed for a sold-out crowd at Liverpool's Echo Echo Echo Arena in this bustling seaport town. Lily was dressed in a black bowler hat, a pair of No-Nonsense pantyhose, and a two sizes too sm...
Read full storyTiger - Lucrative New Sponsorship Deals
Fears that Tiger's recent naughtiness would dent his earnings proved unfounded when his details of latest sponsorship deals emerged this week. National Windshield Replacement Services are amongst the new deals, along with Band Aid makers Johnson a...
Read full storyPaul McCartney Says Living With Heather Mills Was Like Living With Eleanor Rigby
WEMBLEY - Sir Paul McCartney who shelled out £24.3 million [$36.6 million U.S.] in his divorce settlement to ex-wife Heather Mills has stated that being married to her was kind of like being married to Eleanor Rigby. He pointed out that like Elean...
Read full storyGore: Bovines linked to Global Warming
SAN FRANCISCO- The Environmental Activism and Nobel Peace Prize winner of 2004, Al Gore, announced Wednesday that the global warming has been linked to the farts and burps of most bovine animals. "Most people lack an understanding of the power al...
Read full storyWomen's Basketball group protests breast size requirements
A top US women's basketball group is protesting a decision by the its members to require all players to have at least a 'C' cup in their brassiere size to remain in competition. They reached their decision after market researchers took an in-depth...
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