NEW YORK: Dr. Feelgood famous tv sexologist says the 5 American men picked up in Pakistan on allegations of preparing for terrorist attacks did not get enough sex and this build-up of testosterone is what caused them to turn to jihad-ism.
"Let's face it", said the famous tv sex doctor, "young men are horny, horny, horny creatures. From waking up in the morning to dropping off to sleep at night - even in their dreams - all they think about is sex."
Depriving these horny young men of a regular sexual release, either because of cultural or religious reasons forces them to go against nature. The pent-up sexual frustration then sends them charging off to Pakistan to bomb, murder, kill, torture.
"And what's their reward for all this mayhem - why do they willingly sign up for this so-called martyrdom? For the ultimate prize of cavorting in Paradise with 70 virgins - or 70 dried raisins - depending upon which version one follows. It's all about sex in the end. It would make better sense for these repressed guys to get their rocks off right here on planet earth while completing their education".
As part of its attempt to prevent home-grown militancy the US govt. is working on a plan whereby well-seasoned hookers are being trained to infiltrate known terrorist havens and work up a good sweat with these male virgins.
"What's with the 70 raisins anyway", said an unnamed Pentagon source, "I hate dried fruit...give me a hot, wild kitty any day!"
