White House to celebrate Kwanzaa

Funny story written by Quentin Shires

Friday, 11 December 2009

image for White House to celebrate Kwanzaa
White House will be celebrating Kwanzaa this year

WASHINGTON- In a major effort to impose cultural awareness this year, President Barack Obama stated he will officially celebrate Kwanzaa at the White House.

Kwanzaa, an African-American year-end feast, established in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, a cultural nationalist, is being celebrated in the White House between December 26, and January 1, 2010.

White House Social Secretary, Desiree Rogers, 50, spoke haphazardly yesterday with the President in the Oval Office. "Bringing Kwanzaa to the White House is just another example of a historic event for America," Rogers said. "There is so much planning to do, we only have about two weeks left. Time is running out!"

White House Executive Chef, Cristeta Comerford has been given December 25th 2009 through January 1st, 2010 off, written within a memo from the President, stating that "he didn't need her" during the aforementioned time-frame. Instead, Obama has hired an outside chef, Shareese Mfunfu, 34, whom he feels can handle the Kwanzaa food preparations.

"Heeeey," Mfunfu said joyfully from the White House Kitchen, Monday, when raiding the cupboards to see what ingredients she had to work with. " I got us some good shit baby that I will be serving to Barack during Kwanzaa. The only trouble I see happening is if he gets pieces of collard greens stuck in his platinum fronts."

The Kwanzaa main course, being served for the first time at the White House will include candied yams with marshmallows on top, collard greens, and barbecued jerk chicken with corn bread. The president reported that Shareese Mfunfu is also preparing traditional elegant Kwanzaa-like desserts with aperitifs.

"I'm so excited about the dessert and beverage offerings this year," Obama said, looking at his Social Secretary for support. "You couldn't ask for a better celebration with watermelon, Kool-Aid, and the fifty-cent Little Debbie Snack Cakes that everyone just seems to enjoy."

Michael Smith, White House Decorator is busy planning interior designs to help make Kwanzaa more special this year. "Since this is a historic event for the White House," Smith stated from his office, just north of the West Wing, "the president has been begging me to 'go crazy' with as many Kwanzaa decorations as I can."

Smith is not only decorating the White House with traditional Kwanzaa symbols, but also is hanging stale white-stringed popcorn pieces, plastic wreathes made from recycled colt-45 cans, and also the presidents personal collection of bling blings.

Entertainment that has been suggested but not confirmed is a private reunion show from the Jackson 4, being held on the South Lawn for the President and his guests.

Quentin Shires

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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