Paul McCartney Says Living With Heather Mills Was Like Living With Eleanor Rigby

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 11 December 2009


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image for Paul McCartney Says Living With Heather Mills Was Like Living With Eleanor Rigby
Paul McCartney as he looked in 1966 when he wrote Eleanor Rigby.

WEMBLEY - Sir Paul McCartney who shelled out £24.3 million [$36.6 million U.S.] in his divorce settlement to ex-wife Heather Mills has stated that being married to her was kind of like being married to Eleanor Rigby.

He pointed out that like Eleanor, Heather lived in a dream. She enjoyed sitting by a window, while putting on makeup that she kept in a jar next to the bedroom door.

Paul went on to say that marrying her was his worst mistake of the decade. He said that he has even written a song about his ex to try and give those six years of marriage some closure.

The name of the song is "The Hauntingly Haunting Henrietta Pillsbury."

The 67-year-old one time Beatle said that he did change the bird's name a bit to protect the guilty. He did want it known that Heather, who at times acted like a wild crazed banshee did have some good traits about her.

McCartney said that she was very good at making jello, only burning it once during their six year marriage. She also knew how to properly use a broom, which in this day and age is quite a rarity.

Sir Paul said that Heaty, as he called her behind her back, did know the words to every Beatles song with the one exception of "The Ballad Of John And Yoko," and that was only because she did not like Yoko, who had once referred to her as a female David Letterman.

The former Beatle said that luckily he divorced Heather before he got infected with the seven year itch. He laughed and said if they had gone through that period he has no doubt that he would still be itching today.

Paul said that there was a time when he felt so much animosity for Mills that he actually used to wish that she would get kidnapped by the Taliban or Al Qaeda. But he smiles and says he is over that now.

Today, he says that he would settle for her getting kidnapped by a disgruntled Liverpool Reds fan.

In other news. X-Factor judge Dannii Minogue has finally revealed why her first name has two n's and two i's. She said that the nurse who wrote her name on her birth certificate had a bad case of the hiccups and so the name Dani came out Dannii.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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