Italian cocksman and media mogul Silvio Berlusconi, enraged at U.S. politicians and some media broadcasters calling the Knox Murder Trial 'flawed', vowed to reopen troubling investigations involving American Justice.
According to Italian Minister of Justice Dominick "The Wire" Bologna, unfounded slander against the Italian Justice System would be met by counter investigations into some of the US's most troubling cases over recent years.
Topping the list of reopened investigations would be the bizarre Whitewater scandal involving current Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and ponzi like real estate transactions netting Mdm. Clinton thousands in unearned income.
Close on the heels comes the mysterious death of Clinton confidant, and Bill Clinton's next door neighbor, and childhood friend while growing up in rural Arkansas, Vince Foster. Foster was found dead and his demise ruled a suicide days after he was called to answer questions on Whitewater, in addition to comparing his DNA which was found on a pair of size 18 lavender pant suit trousers.
Bologna cited recent developments at the site of Clinton's boy hood home currently undergoing renovations as part of a' historic site' tax funded 'stimulus' program. According to local residents, the home has been sealed off with crime tape, and forensic investigators have been digging up the basement and yard for the past 2 weeks working 24/7.
One insider says a series of bones, a collection of S@M artifacts, and nude pictures found in a locked strong box under 6" of cement, could prove embarrassing to the president, his wife, the Foster legacy and Bill's claim to be 'not gay, in any way!"
Bologna also said the Italian Secret Service, known locally as "Cosa Nostra', had heretofore unreleased files on the JFK assassination, which would blow up all previously held conspiracy theories and link the former president's death to a jealous rage 'fueled by untold infidelities!'.
While not naming the prime suspect, Bologna did hint that she was later linked to a Greek Shipping Magnate.
"Not for nuttin'," said Bologna, " but we also have the answer to the question
the American's could never figure out: What Ever Happened to Jimmy Hoffa!"
Asked about the future of convicted murderess 'Foxy Knoxy', Bologna waved his arms dismissively, "FUGGETABOUT her....she's doin' the full dime plus 15!"
As Bologna walked off he was heard to say over his shoulder, "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to mention the Frank Rich pardon.....!"
