Nintendo saves the verb
Verbs, those 'doing words' shunned by couch potatoes and politicians alike, have been rescued from extinction by the advent of the Nintendo Wii (or Wi-aye as they are known in Newcastle).
Read full storyManchester City Ban Blue Moon
Manchester City football club today announced to their long suffering fans, the singing of the song blue moon has been banned from their ground. Once and for all. The song which is said by many to be the only thing that has kept them together and st...
Read full storyTila Tequila named John McCain's running mate
In a move that had many Washington insiders scratching their heads Sen John McCain named Tila Tequila as his running mate for the 2008 election.
Read full storyFormer President Jimmy Carter Speaks Before an Entenmann's Cake
Jimmy Carter addressed several friends and a guy who was looking for nails at a local Home Depot today and made it official: he will endorse Barack Obama for president.
Read full storyGiant Floating Turds to Blame for Beached Dolphins
Marine biologists at Exeter University are developing a new theory for the mass beaching and subsequent deaths of Dolphins off the coast of Falmouth earlier this week. Scientists now suspect a flotilla of faeces discharged from a facility in Southam...
Read full storySmurfs to make Blue Movie
Belgium is determined to put itself in the limelight next year by being Oscar Nominated for an Oscar for a film that does not feature 'The muscles from Brussels', actor, Jean-Clau...
Read full storyMan Jailed For Binning Stray Cat
Amicable pensioner Mr Albert Potwhistle was today horrified to find himself thrown into jail with the likes of Ian Huntley for binning a dead cat he found in the gutter near his home.
Read full storyWarnings against panic cause panic, warn panic-merchants
Panic-merchants today in the Daily Telegraph warned that asking the public not to panic will only cause mass panic. The warning comes ahead of a planned panic by large sections of the public who haven't had the opportunity to panic since the last ma...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Is Amy Winehouse
Amy Winehouse is actually Amy Winehouse, a shock report revealed today. Speaking from her house in Aimes, Ms. Winehouse said: 'Yes, I am Amy Winehouse. My first name is Amy, and my second one is Winehouse.'...
Read full storyGeorge Bush's Latest Speech
'My fellow Pelmanians. This is not about Friday, or about thirsty, or even about demotractic partings of the Red menacings - it's about them Burger Kingings.'...
Read full storyI will bed X-Factor host says BB chairman
Sensational chairman of Bradford and Bingley building society Reg Cashister says he will not be happy until he has thrown a bed at Simon Cowell for a whole host of dire programmes such as Britain's Got Tarrant an...
Read full storyUnderstanding Your MP
With a general election soon to be in the offing, when the run-up begins, you are bound to receive a visit to your door from at least one MP. Here is a definitive guide to what they say and mean.
Read full storyBig Brother Alex Shown Disrepect
Big Brother, the TV reality show was wallowing in a new controversy today after Alexandra de-Gale alleged she had been disrespected by other housemates specifically, and white people in general.
Read full storyFormer American King To Leave Palace
America's former king, George H Bush, will shortly leave his Washington DC palace complex, after 19 years of occupance.
Read full storyHull City Sign Wonderkid
The ever expanding squad of players being assembled at the Casey Jones stadium has increased by one more today with the arrival of former South Park junior, Mr Eric Cartman.
Read full storyBush Says No Regrets About Iraq; Dead Feel Somewhat Different
(Meseberg, Germany) - President Bush today, while visiting "main squeeze" Angela "Angel-A" Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, let everyone know that he was as happy as a clam about the Iraq War, while sending a message to Iran that &q...
Read full storyBritish Regional Accents Abolished
As from today, the Labour government has made British regional accents illegal. All speaking in silly dialects will be oot the windae, tha knaws, and if ya dinnae like it then it's a Weegie kiss from Glesgae, ya bam.
Read full storyNew Shakespeare Play Opens
A new until-now undiscovered play by William Shakespeare will be opening soon in London, at the Flea Market and Hamsterdam Theatre. 'A Tale Of Two Xerox Machines' will be performed by a cast from the Royal Shakespeare Company, and will featur...
Read full storyLots of Girls join Aussie Farms
Traditionally a male domain, vast Cattle ranches in the Australian Outback are being inundated by record numbers of job-seeking girls from all over the World. Ranch owners are facing acute recruitment problems because so many 'Co...
Read full storyTobacco manufacturers vindicated as throat cancer blamed on oral sex
London - (20-a-day Mess): British Imperial Cancer Industries are feeling very pleased with themselves after successfully hiring Dr Andrew Wakefield-type quacks to blame throat cancer on dodgy oral sex practices.
Read full storyBlind Fish Monger Discovers New Species
St. John's, Newfoundland - Varick Pilgrim, a sixty-two year old blind fish monger stumbled into a the local Nude Lesbian Association (NLA) convention and claims to have discovered a new fish species.
Read full storyPrince Jefri Archer behind Brink's-Mat bullion heist
London - (Michail Gorbachev Mess): Top Brunei mobster Prince Jefri Archer has been branded an ex-KGB/Mossad double agent whose hand-picked gang robbed Brink's-Mat of twenty tonnes of gold bullion in 1983.
Read full storyBritney Spears has Camel Toe Incident
Retired singing sensation and pop legend Britney "empty pram" Spears has been involved in a minor incident with a camel whilst visiting a Zoo. Miss Spears who was knitting for relaxation as she strolled the zoo grounds was seen to trip and...
Read full storyBob Dylan Artwork REALLY IS His Own Work
More than 200 paintings in an exhibition at the Halcyon Gallery in London's Mayfair, really are the work of music legend Bob Dylan, according to the singer's agent.
Read full storyStonehenge has been Pilfered!
Police received an anonymous phone call today to say that Stonehenge, the ancient site, has been stolen. Upon inspection it was found that Stonehenge had indeed been pilfered.
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo, Vanessa Hudgens and Britney Spears Vagina Included In Story In Cynical Attempt To Score Points
In a shock move, a writer has written a story containing the names of Cristiano Ronaldo, Vanessa Hudgens and Britney Spears in a callous attempt to boost his points total on satirical news website TheSpoof.com. The shameless attempt was carried ou…
Read full storyDolphins Arrested After Lounging About On Beach
A school of dolphins found lounging about on a picturesque beach in Cornwall have been arrested by police and charged with being environmentally unfriendly. If convicted, the maximum sentence is death
Read full storyHillary the Flower Child?
Washington - Faded and worn Polaroid pictures dated June 1964 show a young Hillary Rodham, complete with tie dye top, bell bottom jeans and a flower crown, cajoling with a group of friends in Haight-Ashbury. Oh, and let's not forget to mention t...
Read full storyHorseshoe Crabs: Latest Terrible STD!
Limulus Polyphemus or Horseshoe crab has been on earth much longer than the dinosaur and fossils found in Manitoba, Canada suggest that the odd creature has not changed for 446 million years. The one-eyed (thus Homer's Cyclops, Polyphemus) round...
Read full storyAmy Crackhouse Stars in British History X
Amy Winehouse, who officially changed her name to Crackhouse so she could give her name and address all at once, has always been a fan of Edward Norton's compelling performance in the racially charged American History X. Now, Crackhouse has launc...
Read full storyAirlines to cut costs with recycling
Reno, Nevada (Faux News) - Airline industry executives from several major carriers concluded a three day conference in Reno, Nevada. The purpose of the conference was to address the growing travel crisis fueled largely by the high cost of jet fuel.
Read full storySenator John McCain denies suffering from Alzheimer's
71-year-old Arizona senator John McCain firmly denied today that he is suffering from dementia and may be in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.
Read full storyHummer H2O Announced
The ASBO vehicle manufacturer Hummer has announced their new 'climate friendly' vehicle today. Unusually for the manufacturer, the only emission from this vehicle will be water.
Read full storyA Conversation between President Clinton and Vice President Gore
Washington DC, June 11, 2008: An old beat up audio tape recording has been found under the carpet in the oval office of the White House. The tape had been there since November 2000 but was constantly overlooked, as the current occupant spends most of his time in Dick Cheney's office. The recorded conversation is between President Clinton and Vice President Gore discussing the upcoming preside...
Read full storyUFO Press Conference - What We Don't Know Part 2
Roswell - As literally thousands of journalist, networks and on-lookers gathered at the now publicly open Area 51, eagerly anticipating the next, and most significant press conference in these chain of events, the mood was at a fever pitch. It was announced last week that the press conference would include the appearance of one of the extra terrestrials for a full question and answer period.
Read full storyBush Talks Up dollar as He Heads for Euro!
President Bush who has presided over more failures than any American President or Chicago Cub manager delivered an almost comprehensible speech praising the hidden strength of the US dollar.
Read full storyRed Augmented Breasted Barn Swallows Get All the Girls!
Researchers from U of Colorado, Princeton and Sun devil ASU captured male barn swallows in New Jersey before the mating season. They then took a red magic marker and enhanced the males' chests. Apparently female barn swallows get really hot for r...
Read full storyBush reveals plan to steal Oval Office rug
President Bush Monday announced his plan to take the carpet in the Oval Office with him.
Read full story