Bush Says No Regrets About Iraq; Dead Feel Somewhat Different

Funny story written by Schmoker

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

image for Bush Says No Regrets About Iraq; Dead Feel Somewhat Different
Chancellor Angela Merkel daydreams about her upcumming private meeting with George "Magic Hands" Bush.

(Meseberg, Germany) - President Bush today, while visiting "main squeeze" Angela "Angel-A" Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, let everyone know that he was as happy as a clam about the Iraq War, while sending a message to Iran that "You're next, towel heads."

Despite the over 4,000 American deaths, the estimated hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths, the estimated trillion (with a "T") dollars that have gone right down the tubes, the resulting runaway gas prices that have savaged the American economy, and the stained legacy that has brought the Republican Party to its lowest ebb since the invention of sand, President Bush today summed up his feelings on Iraq in his own unique way.

"I gots no regrets, baby!!"

While walking the gardens of the Schloss Meseberg Palace with his arm around Chancellor Merkel, Bush laid out a plan to do to Iran what he did to Iraq (and what he hoped to do later that night to Merkel), apparently thinking his presidency is going to continue for years and years, with no end in sight, just like the Iraq War.

"Hey, I'm all for talking with Iran, but that will be tough since I don't speak Farsi. Hell, I barely speak English good, so I'm not sure that we shouldn't just nuke them there towel heads and get it over with," said the President, while caressing Merkel's shapely calves as she lay sunning herself on the garden lawn.

Speaking for the dead, 2nd Lieutenant Shane Childers, the first soldier killed in the Iraq War, understandably had a different take than did the President.

"Fuck him," said Childers. "I'm dead, and he's enjoying a sweet German holiday with his massage buddy Angela Merkel. Somehow that seems like a crappy tradeoff to me."

Asked about Childers' comments, the President appeared defiant, explaining away Childers' words with the sort of tortured syntax only George W. Bush can master.

"Well, obviously he's not happy about being dead, but he probably don't understand how important his sacrifice was to Exxon's balance sheet. If he knewed the sort of record profits his life were worth, he'd probably feel really a lot different. Anyway, he's dead, so how much can he really understand? Brain activity really suffers once you is embalmed. That's why we had to let Rumsfeld go."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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