UFO Press Conference - What We Don't Know Part 2

Funny story written by Dr Talk

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

image for UFO Press Conference - What We Don't Know Part 2

Roswell - As literally thousands of journalist, networks and on-lookers gathered at the now publicly open Area 51, eagerly anticipating the next, and most significant press conference in these chain of events, the mood was at a fever pitch. It was announced last week that the press conference would include the appearance of one of the extra terrestrials for a full question and answer period.

Host and moderator Art Bell opened the conference by thanking Secretary of the Air Force (SAF/OS)Michael W. Wynne for arranging the event and welcoming all the media and general public for coming to this historical event. Joined on stage were several of the key players involved in the projects that occurred and are ongoing at the former top secret air force base. Among them were Bob Lazar, the only civilian to publicly come forward with his story of his work at Area 51.
After 20 minutes of speeches and formalities, it was time to unveil the promised extra terrestrial to the world. Art Bell made the introduction: "Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, and to all here and watching at home, the time has come. The extraordinary being you are about to meet, who wishes to be referred to as simply a "person", is named Cytil. He has been here on Earth for the past 23 years working with scientists and intelligence agencies in a laboratory located 150 feet below ground near the main hangar. He has gracefully allowed our people to study him in great detail, from the minute atomic level to literally thousands of hours of interrogation, learning all we could from him. He has provided our world with a wealth of knowledge thousands of years more advanced than our current state. He will be taking as many of your questions as possible and answering them to the fullest. Ladies and Gentlemen....let us make history. I give you...Cytil!".

With just over 1 million people estimated in attendance, not a sound was to be heard as the ET calmly walked to the podium. As stated by nearly all who claim to have seen an extra terrestrial, Cytil stands at five foot even, 110 pounds, large black eyes, gray skin and elongated fingers. Standing in the lone spotlight on stage under the stars of the clear Nevada sky, the setting provided a mood of almost inexplicable calmness and peace. When the world heard his first words, they came in the form of a soothing, warm voice that seemed to wash over everyone as they watched and listened in awe.

The transcript of the opening statement will be provided in it's entirety as follows:

"Friends, for thousands of years, my people have wanted to be known to you and to integrate among you. Our presence has been known only by very few in that time. Your leaders and spiritual leaders have kept us silent for fear that you would not understand our intentions and cause mass hysteria. As you can see, we have noticeable physical differences that may also have caused fear in your people. I assure you that we mean no harm and are incapable of engaging in the mindset of war. We are a race of beings who derive our life force from love, peace and continued advancement in intelligence. Those are the very sum of our existence.

Having observed your people in great detail, we quickly saw that destruction of others and self destruction was a prominent trait of your societies. This was most difficult for us to begin to understand as our social structure is the polar opposite of that. War and all other atrocities against each other is painful for us to witness. We are a people who desire to help those who have chosen a path of destruction. In your most recent history, you have experienced 2 world wars and countless isolated wars. There has been little if no time between these incidents to enjoy true peace. It has been during those times that we felt our insertion and intervention would benefit you the most as these were times of great need. With our intentions to help and show the way to peace, your political leaders quickly took us into hiding where we were told that our help was needed. Being of a trusting nature we had no reason suspect our captors of any malicious, hidden agendas. They were most interested in our technology which we began to share. Soon after, we discovered that they had taken the technology we had given them to produce weaponry far more powerful and destructive than their existing armory. We then began to either refuse to disclose anything further, or by other means, leave without their knowledge as our trust was betrayed. Several further attempts to help bring peace all resulted in the same outcome. Although we continued to arrive on Earth offering our assistance, we decided that we would not provide any information that could be used to gain advantage in war or create a new Earthly technology used for evil intent. If pressured, we would provide details of technology that were incorrect so the end result would never come to be.

We had to learn to understand what you know as "mistrust". This is a most unpleasant emotion to experience. As we made the adjustment to our social interactive protocol, we delayed any further visits to Earth for a number of years. However, to monitor behavior, we would routinely send 2 of our smaller craft for brief observations. Unfortunately, in the summer of 1947, one of our monitoring crafts was damaged due to a severe lightning strike and was caused to crash land not far from here near Roswell New Mexico. Three of our people were aboard that mission and managed to survive the crash. Your United States Military Air Force arrived on the scene and took them to a location hidden within the mountains that you see surrounding this area. Over a 3 year period, they were interrogated on a daily basis. These session lasted in excess of 12 hours each time. It was obvious that the manner in which this questioning took place was designed to exhaust our people so they would surrender any and all information they possessed. The main focus of the questioning revolved around our technology of propulsion and space travel. Details of how our crafts operated were given, but the scientists and engineers failed to duplicate the energy source and mechanics of these systems. An extremely dense material that did not appear on your periodic table of elements was needed as the source of energy. To synthesize the element know as element 115 or Ununpentium requires materials and equipment not readily available on Earth. That is to say, element 115 is not a naturally produced product, although it can be created synthetically once the proper equipment has been manufactured. Your periodic table of elements is missing a great many higher level elements as compared to our knowledge of known materials. The raw materials can be extracted from sources as close to Earth as the planet Mars. An element that would be comparable to your periodic table would appear somewhere in the 132 to 135 range. This is a material with an atomic weight, density and source of natural energy previously unimagined by you. No more than 1 ounce of this solid would be more than sufficient to launch your space shuttle and provide all energy needed to sustain the functions of the craft. This of course would include providing electricity. The half life of this element would be equivalent to 250 Earth years. There are no harmful bi-products or emissions as a result of using it. As a matter of fact, a simple modification to the vacuum chamber needed to house the element can recover and recycle particles created as the substance is used and reapply it back to the original source. This process can be repeated approximately 3 times, which would mean you would theoretically triple the half life to 750 Earth years."

At this point, Bell announced that due to the overwhelming amount of information delivered thus far, he felt it a good idea for Cytil to take questions to cover what he had just stated and then move on to the next round making it easier for the ET and the public to gain an understanding of the first statements. This would provide an order for further questioning. The first question for Cytil came from 2007 Nobel Prize winner, physicist Peter Andreas Gr├╝nberg from Germany. "My dear friend, I never dreamed I would live to see this day where species from two separate worlds would merge together in peace and share in a universal knowledge. Side by side, learning, teaching and experiencing such a profound appreciation and respect for one another. My question to you Cytil is, after so many centuries of observing our people and discovering our level of knowledge and social interaction, how do your people perceive us? Are we a primitive race alone in the vast universe where others exist on other varying levels?" The crowd was about to hear the very first publicly asked question to an extra terrestrial answered. History was about to be made, again.
"Thank you for your kind words and sincerity. It is a joyous occasion for me to share with all of you. It is one of the most fundamental basis of my people's life philosophy. Your work is well known to us and we have a great deal of respect for you and your accomplishments. Particularly in your discovery of the Giant magneto resistive effect. To answer your question, we do not judge others based on their level of intelligence be it high or low. Speaking statistically, the inhabitants here on Earth have gone through a very lengthy evolution of mind. This is a singular common thread among all civilizations across the universe. Some are more advanced than others, some are less advanced. Time is the key to intellectual advancement. My civilization for example have existed for a far greater time than those here on Earth. We too have progressed over time. The only real difference between the knowledge we possess and the level of mind Earthlings possess is that we have had more time to learn and to discover. We too have evolved. As your people have had an acceleration in advancement over the last century, we too experienced a boost quite similar. For example, we have discovered that our physical body is not a necessity for existence. We know that the brain alone can accomplish things far greater than the physical body. We have discovered that "activating" normally dormant areas of the brain allows us to comprehend concepts and scientific principals with great ease. The human brain possesses the same potential as you will learn. In comparison, yes, the people of Earth are technologically and intellectually behind us on the universal time line. But now with our existence known, the collective consciousness of the people of Earth will be expedited to a level so much higher than ever imagined. Our mission is to help and to teach. We will make our knowledge available to all people who wish to elevate."

The story continues in the next edition.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more