Bradford & Bingley seek emergency funding
Senior executives from the definately not in trouble and 100% solvent Bradford and Bingley were spotted earlier today beating a path to leafy Watford. This tranquil Hertfordshire town which was once owned by Sir Elton John is also the home to the big...
Read full storyKing "Black Lung" Coal Country Cooking With Gas
Anthracite America has fueled the Industrial Revolution and the rise of the United Mine Workers Union and powered WWII's energy needs, not to mention its deadly epidemic of Black Lung Disease. This week when local coal mining county leaders debat...
Read full storyMcCain Soils Self, Blames Obama
New York City - During an interview today with FOX News anchor Connie Jobs, McCain advisor Burt Simpleton admitted that McCain suffered from incontinence and had been embarrassed on more than one occasion while campaigning. Simpleton claimed that thi...
Read full storySatirist Arrested For Plagiarism
Today a satirist was arrested for the ancient medieval crime of plagiarism.
Read full storyAustrian cellar daughter grasses up Opus Dei
Amstetten, Austria - (Hitler's Pope Mess): Austrian incest nutter's daughter Kerstin Fritzl has come out of a coma and vowed to turn in her lurid father's accomplices.
Read full storyOn This Day In The Future
2009 Benito Mussolini resurrected to replace Gordon Brown as Labour leader, saying 'Brown is too right-wing for me'...
Read full storyHumiliation looms for Gorgon Brown's psychotic 42 day detention vote
London - (Ass Mess): "They're all psychotic IRA nutters," a top security/intelligence source said today about the Prime Monster's delusional attempts for 42 day internment without trial.
Read full storyBig Brother Michael To Use Disability Discrimination Act 1995 To Sue Channel 4 After Wedding Shenanigans
Big Brother ran into more trouble this morning, when Blind Michael announced he would sue the station over the fake wedding of Mario and Stephanie, and the way he was 'kept in the dark' about...
Read full storyUse of psychic paper may confound the parking ticket industry
Now that psychic paper has gone on sale at branches of Ryman's, NAUBCCPA, the National Association of Unrelenting Bloody Council Car Parking Attendants, has expressed concern that it may affect the effectiveness of their members in issuing motori...
Read full storyUK projectile vomiting pandemic at plans for George Bush Trooping the Colour ceremony
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): GPs'surgeries are fighting to stave off a pandemic of sudden projectile vomiting syndrome that has struck the country following a news leak that George W Bush is to be guest of honor at Saturday's Trooping of...
Read full storyWorld's Tallest Building Begins to Lean
Abu-Dubai--The world's tallest building--the Burj Dubai--began leaning today and could collapse. The building is 900 meters tall (about 3000 feet) and is in the final stages of completion. Engineers were shocked today to see it begin leaning, alm...
Read full storyClint Eastwood Olive Branch to Spike Lee: I Promise to Show More Blacks Getting Killed in My Next Film
In a move designed to end the feud between one of Hollywood's most controversial directors and one of the most celebrated actors/directors in film history, Clint Eastwood has made a promise to Spike Lee that he hopes will end the turmoil.
Read full storyThe price of hubris? $220 million
Chappaqua, NY - (Ass Mess): The bill for Senator Clinton's self-aggrandizing spending orgy hit $220 million this weekend as worried party managers met with bankers, creditors and holders of official Democratic nomination campaign IOUs.
Read full storyBig Brothers Davina McCall in Outrageous Offer
Big Brother contestants have been promised a night of unadulterated wild hedonism with show host Davina McCall in exchange for extreme entertainment from the competitors it was alleged today.
Read full storyRomanian MIG 21 mid-air UFO collision was Scareforce One blue ice
Central Europe - (ET Mess): Diplomatc relations between the US and Romania have hit rock bottom after it emerged that an apparent UFO mid-air collision with a MIG 21 fighter jet was nothing more than half a tonne of well-aimed blue ice from George W...
Read full storyTerrorist Dolphins Thwarted
A pod of dolphins specially trained by Al-Queda to swim up the river Thames failed in their attempts to explode outside the houses of parliament thanks to covert operations by MI6.
Read full storyPrince Harry Crusade - Infighting amongst Welsh legions
Word has reached us of some unseemly behaviour, featuring that old favourite internet hot air. Which is currently going down, in Welsh Wales. This internet spat is said to have broken out recently, after Iraq war veteran Harry Wales had visited a Car...
Read full storyRonaldo To Sign For Manchester City
Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese diver, has shocked and astounded fans of his club Manchester United by announcing that he is to sign for their city neighbours, and fiercest rivals, Manchester City after the Euro 2008 championships are over. Rona...
Read full story"Father's Day will be a nightmare this year" says Ulrika Jonsson
Former weather girl, current TV star and quite blond Swedish woman Ulrika Jonsson has exclusively revealed that this year's Father's Day is going to be a nightmare for her. She says that Father's Day in her house is going to be the equivalent of F...
Read full storyHSBC to offer lessons in overcharging for tradesmen
Now that they have been forced to 'reel-in' their £35 letters to customers for 3p overdrafts, HSBC, Britain's largest - and certainly quite a greedy - bank is to offer training to plumbers, electricians and other professional tradesmen o...
Read full storySpoof writers earning retardedly silly money
A recent poll carried out by Laughing Stock Ltd, showed that the rate of pay for spoof writers has gobsmackingly jumped from an average of £4.00 per word to the unbelievably silly amount of £10,000 per letter.
Read full storySvedka_Grl Offers to Suckle US Presidential Candidates with 40 inch Breast Full of Vodka!
In a truly original ad campaign, Svedka Vodka has rocked Madison Ave with its full page ad in the NY Times.
Read full storyMoe N. Moe Dowdy Prays for Hillary, VP; The Better to Prey on You, My Dear!
Aging crone of the NY Times Opinion page, Moe N. Moe Dowdy has been an attack cat all primary season sinking her claws in Hillary.
Read full storyBig Brown Meets with Yankees Giambi about Life After "Juice"
Yankees Jason Giambi has finally been showing some success after swearing off the steroids.
Read full storyAmy Winehouse releases new crack den album version of the classic children's song, "Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes"
London, England - Refusing to acknowledge, much less apologize for her drug use, racist and homophobic comments, or even bothering to defend her offensive comments, citing artistic license, no, no, no, Amy Winehouse instead denies the incident ever o...
Read full storyNaples Sends Rotting Meatballs to Hamburg
Rotting leftovers from Naples' kitchens were stinking up the streets of the once glorious city. Hefty homemaker, Luigiana Lasagna said that her now fussy husband and ragazzi will no longer eat leftovers: "In my day, we ate everythinga putta...
Read full storyMcCain Tells Evangelicals that He Will Change His Name to McAbel
Repub candie John McCain has never had much appeal to the evangelical crowd. These are the folks that love Jesus, the Prince of Peace so much they elected war mongerer Bush - twice. McCain thought his support for killing people would win over the eva...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus, Emma Watson and Rosie O'Donnell reveal their weight-loss secrets!
How do big stars such as Miley Cyrus, Emma Watson and Rosie O'Donnell manage to stay so trim and fit? Finally, we have gained the inside scoop!...
Read full storyFlorida Sheriff Wendell Halltheir-Spicassesin Snares Illegals for DWB
Florida Sheriff W. Hall is arresting hundreds of Mexicans for DWB, that's "Driving While Brown".
Read full storyAfter Losing Presidential Nod, Hillary Plans To Lauch Village Cookies!
Just what does a Presidential hopeful do after coming so close to getting the nod as the Democratic Party's Presidential nominee? Why, of course, bake cookies. Except in this case, we're talking megapounds of cookies.
Read full storyRon Paul to appear on Keeping Up With the Kardashians
A spokesman for Ron Paul confirmed over the weekend that he would appear on the next season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. The announcement comes while rumors continue to circulate on the internet that Ron Paul and Kim Kardashian are involved in...
Read full storyAnn Coulter to pose nude in Playboy
It was announced Monday that Ann Coulter has decided to bare it all in the upcoming issue of Playboy. When asked as to the reason for the decision Coulter responded by saying "I want to show people that Republicans can be sexy, plus it gives peo...
Read full storyLisbon Treaty referendum clear as mud for Irish voters
Ireland will go to the polls on Thursday 12th June to vote on the Lisbon treaty referendum as the only country from 27 members states that will allow its citizens an opinion and a democratic right to decide both the future of their country and possi...
Read full storyButterfield Overland Stage Coaches to Operate Again
Los Angeles CA: Ms. Alice Butterfield a lineal descendant of John Butterfield announced today that daily coach service between Los Angeles and Las Vegas will be reinstituted. Contracts have been signed with the major Las Vegas gaming establishments t...
Read full storyBeans Will Be Banned: Obama
Washington D.C. - In order to save the Earth for future generations the beans will be banned from the stores, Donkey Party runner Barack Obama said here.
Read full storyNational Cemetery Loses Grass So Golf Courses Can Stay Green
As drought and a severe water shortage continue in the American Southwest, residents and business are expected to make sacrifices. Lawns can only be watered certain days and during certain hours. Car washing cannot take place on the street. "...
Read full storyMcDonald's Bans Tomatoes; Still OK With Human Lard Content
(McDonaldland, OH) - Facing concerns that their food is just too healthy, fast food giant McDonald's has banned sliced tomatoes from all sandwiches. As a replacement, extra servings of human lard will be added to all products, including soft dri...
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